deena33

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
deena33
8
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 4:29pm
i've noticed that a lot of your comments have been negative lately... is everything ok?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: thethimble
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 5:42pm
Yup - all is fine - I just am surprised sometimes at the comments/perspectives I read here and perhaps I shouldn't respond at all if I'm going to disagree. For example, it disturbs me to hear of a woman in this day and age considering casual sex without checking thoroughly what the risks are, women who generalize negatively about all men in a given town, etc. - on the other hand, I tried my best to cheer up Shy re: Joe, and simply gave my opinion, to Go, that I wouldn't go much past a 4th date without physical contact (is that negative? I don't think so.). And as for internet dating, I will always take a negative view on getting attached prior to meeting in person, and do not feel that the person who does that should, having taken that risk, question the other persons's motivation or sincerity, reliability, etc. So, I will lurk and not offer any opinion other than a positive one - or at least try to. I am a little on edge this week from work and personal stuff so maybe that was coming across too much and for that there is no justification and I do apologize. Thanks for asking!
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: thethimble
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 6:00pm
Deena, I think what he meant by "negative" (I'm assuming here) is just that you offer the "move on" opinion more often than some would. I think that stems from the limits and rules you impose on yourself when it comes to dating. If that works for you, that's great. Part of what makes the world go 'round is differing opinions. You're welcome to express them as much as you'd like. I'm sure there's a lurker or two out there who agree with everything you say, and that's great.

I actually agree with most of the stuff you just said- the casual sex thing, the getting attached before meeting thing, and the generalizing thing. And you have no idea how much I appreciate your support when I'm feeling down (that goes for everyone). However, there are some things I'm always gonna disagree with you on, and I'm gonna express them. It makes life more interesting.

I'm sorry you have things going on right now that are stressing you out. Do you care to share? I can't help but notice that we never hear about any problems from you. I don't think I've ever seen you start a thread. Can we not help you through whatever it is you're dealing with? I don't mean that to criticize, I can just tell things are bothering you and I'd hate for them to fester (I know all about that, trust me).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: thethimble
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 11:18pm
Thanks a lot Shy for explaining - truly - and I hope you're having a good day. One major issue this week was with a former colleague who really burned her bridges when she left, particularly with me and the other is a brand new relationship that I am trying to stay calm about - one realization I have come to is that asking for input/feedback particularly on the small stuff is a bad idea - particularly from my friends who are single and actively looking. It can make one's head spin. My "silence" has been mostly due to, with respect to work - fear that I will be "found out" since my world is relatively small and I have met several people in person from ivillage and sort of the same with respect to my new relationship - while I have not told him where I post, I may someday and. . . .. I guess I could make my screen name less revealing (this is not my first name but it is revealing for other reasons) - do you have any suggestions on that? By the way, on an unrelated note - on my usual board someone posted that she participated in a program where she emailed with a marine over in Iraq to help with morale - i thought that was such a great idea and so impressive (and now she wants to meet this person, and he feels the same!

Deena (who just broke passover with the girls by consuming lots of pizza and cookies, after confessing that she had broken passover earlier in the week . . .)

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: thethimble
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 8:17am
Ahhh...I understand now! I have the exact same fear about being "found out". That's why I never use my name. That's why there's a baby picture and not a real picture as my avatar. When K and I started to get a little more serious, he was talking about his "lack of experience" and told me he had done some searching around online for tips. When he added "iVillage was a great help" I just about fell through the floor. That's why you don't see his full name! Honestly, I'm sure he could figure me out if he were lurking, but at this point, I don't care! When a guy posts about being a "nice guy" I always wonder if that's him (they always sound just like him).

Anyway, if you need to vent about something, you have my email, right? I sent it to everyone before they took ivillage email away from us. I'm glad you took some time to relax. That can do wonders for keeping us all sane.

This weekend, I'm going home for my niece's bday party. She'll be 14 (sniff sniff) and she has every bit of a 14 year old attitude. Should be a blast....haha. We'll see if I come back stressed or more relaxed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: thethimble
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 1:06pm
Well, not to be competitive - but you wanna talk about adolescent attitudes - my niece is going on 16, just dyed her hair bright red, thinks she is lesbian AND gothic, has totally rebelled against being religious (not that I can blame her, LOL), and is Ms. Attitude!! I am sure in an attitude face-off she would win hands down against your niece - ha!! ;-)

I did teach her the other night - (1) how to taste wine; and (2) the most important thing about dining out - that is, being nice to the waitstaff - she typically is, but I reminded her that when I was her age I waitressed a bit (well, a little older) so that is a good motivation (her stated motivation - so they do not spit in her food)

Thanks for understanding and I sure will consider the email offer - my ivillage friends and I that email have an understanding that it never gets posted on the board by the recipient - one friend - who I met in person - sort of broke that rule and I let her know gently that it could not happen again - was not a bad thing but I didn't want her to continue down that path.

Have a great day!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: thethimble
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 1:19pm
oh, i just meant that you can be quite critical...

i guess i'm just a little more soft handed with my approach. ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: thethimble
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 2:57pm
Actually I have to disagree with that - I find you entertainingly opinionated ;-). I will continue to be critical of the situations I mentioned in my initial post - people who have unsafe sex and people who broadly generalize about all men or women.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: thethimble
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 5:41pm
Oh, the things I have to look forward to. My sister has no control over her kids, so it's only gonna get worse. The child has the body of a 25 year old (I know, cause we're just about the same size) and has been hanging around with boys at their houses lately. She doesn't seem to see anything wrong with it either. My sister grounds her, but she just goes and does it again. She'll cuss in front of her mom and doesn't even get a reaction. I'm 26 and don't swear in front of my mother!

She's a good kid, I just think she needs some structure, as all kids do. Unfortunately, my sister doesn't give it to her.