Define NORMAL GUY for online dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
Define NORMAL GUY for online dating
30
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 12:35pm

I was just reading a thread where towards the end it was mentioned that they are "just looking for a normal guy."

What are some of the traits that you would be looking for in a "NORMAL GUY" -- I am curious to see if there are conflicting answers or if the answers become similar. I would also be curious to have a demographic of each response:

(1) Define what a Normal Guy is to you?
(2) Provide a geographic region you live in (i.e. state)
(3) Provide your income range ($20K to $30K)
(4) What was the length of your last relationship
(5) How long ago was you last relationship
(6) What age bracket are you in (18-25)(26-35)(36-45)(46-55)(56+)

Maybe iVillage will do a story off of this??? Doubt it but lets have fun!




Edited 4/25/2007 2:40 pm ET by longtime_luvr
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 5:36pm

You know, I might just trade some of that mountain stuff for the way of the hill and over done talk ALL 12 months about the Green Bay Packers. Although I am from WI, I am not a NFL fan and get tired of hearing about the Packers on almost every newscast -- further numerous women have in their profiles their NEED for the Packers. (I seriously wonder if they lived someplace else, these same women would have any interest in football.)

So many people that I have talked to that have moved to this area are over-whelmed by the Packers.

You know - I have never seen a woman that owns a knitting machine posing in 60 pics of that -- wonder why...

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 7:35pm

Okay, I really don't like answering such specific questions because it seems a little....I dunno...like an interview, but I'll try.


(1) Define what a Normal Guy is to you? **Normal means no major drama.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 8:10pm
I've had guys online who, when we've progressed to talking on the phone, start whining about women who use them for dinners, women who aren't really interested in them, women who "overlook the nice guy right in front of them" - I found their attitudes to be quite a turnoff!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 12:17am

Hi Again Shywon --

It is SO INTERESTING because my SO grew up, for a few yrs, less than 10 miles from me AND I had walked down the railroad tracks behind her house when I was a teenager -- there is 4 yrs age difference so I would not have been paying attention to all those girls outside in the backyard -- BUT I do remember there were girls playing out there. Then she moved to NOWHERE in NORTHERN WI - where you can NOT go any farther north -- so she is definitely from the small towns of WI... BUT she has lived in the DC area as well as Chicago and some time in Orlando...

I like that - she has taken on the world -- just as I moved around a bit -- once over 18 too.

Tell me in all seriousness -- you really did not have the following experience... "He doesn't feel the need to draw attention to himself by doing things that he knows would make most people cringe (like mooning a whole bar)."

I think I would cringe too -- especially if you are in the SAME area where you live. Talk about lack of decorum and judgement!!!

::He knows how to pick up the phone, plan a date, and say goodnight without flubbering.

You are telling me they have phones out there... My ex wife and I always teased her parents that the phone does work in two directions (calling out as well as in). They always said we haven't heard from you in a long time. :)

Not only PLAN A DATE -- but to plan a date that you will enjoy too. I have heard numerous discussions where the guy decides to take a woman someplace without telling her and then (1) she is not dressed for it or (2) it is something of no interest to her and she has to fake it through the whole date or ask to go home... That there says HE has not really listened to what she likes and tried to make her feel good.

::**I'm 30, and I have my age set at 28-35 on my profile.

I can see why you mentioned in the other thread about not considering a guy that already has kids... BUT (without getting on your bad side -- hopefully I haven't yet (wink) as you are already 30 -- aren't the number of available men with the no child criteria greatly diminishing the spectrum of candidates?

The positive side to considering only men with no children is the ability to move anywhere together... like myself and my SO - we both have 150 mile radii limit to extend for child custody. Therefore, if I want to be involved in my 50/50 custody with my ex of our son then I need to stay close (especially for school). The same for my SO. Even though BOTH of us want to move -- our desire for family unity over-rides the wants that we have at this time...

::**My last relationship lasted 8 1/2 months

What was the pivitol reason why the relationship ended and do you still see him in anyway? For instance, my last relationship of 2 yrs ended after I basically looked at a number of factors -- income disparity and ethnic/language issues... would I be happy making substantially less than her and not feeling like I was "contributing" if the relationship were to go to the next level AND every time we went to places where her friends were there is the language difference -- and even though you can try to "learn" the language, the slang that is spoken moreover made it harder to understand conversions -- forewhich I was trying to constantly piece information together OR asking her to repeat in English. That is not to say that I did not enjoy those 2 yrs and we are still friends and her kids play with my son to this day.

BTW, what do you teach? I taught for a few yrs on the college level (night courses) computer and business classes. The best part of teaching is the look on the student's faces when "they get it" -- what "it" is that we are discussing. Being that I had a regular day job that very much parelleled some of the classes I taught -- this brought more "real-world" applications to an otherwise dry and, for some, mundane topic a level of interest. The "other" aspect that I enjoyed was the multi-cultural diversity of my classes. I actually had to talk with a day prof about 3 students from Turkey that I had caught cheating on the first exam... Turns out that culturally, that avenue of work ethic is correct to get the job done there -- whereas here in our culture it is considered cheating. So I spoke with them after class and gave them the opportunity to re-take the exam -- because kicking them out of class does not enhance their growth -- rather negatively impacts their desire to learn -- PLUS, there will be an instructor that they will remember that gave them a chance maybe few would have. After-all, as a mentor of mine once told me -- we are here for you to succeed -- failure is easy but succeeding takes initative.

ok enough for tonight...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 12:26am

::I found their attitudes to be quite a turnoff!!!

At the points you mentioned - I think if I was in your shoes -- geee the phone connection must have gone out... I would not have listened to that.

Here is a great one -
We arrange to meet at a Starbucks. She never mentioned a conflict after I suggest the day/time. She also said she was like she looked in the pic -- the woman shows up with a baby in her arms asleep and is at least 60 pounds heavier than in the pic.

WHO BRINGS A BABY on a "coffee date" with a guy???? You would call and cancel/reschedule for one -- I know if my son got sick -- I would reschedule and if she does not understand the child's health comes before a date, then she would not be the person that I am looking for.

The "other" issue of the deception of what she looked like -- this told me a few things -- besides not liking how she looks herself, she found it necessary to lie (what would she lie about in a relationship I am thinking) and second is why does she not take better care of her own health??? (maybe there are medical reasons -- but, then there should have been some disclaimer that I do not have a recent pic of myself etc.)

::we've progressed to talking on the phone, start whining about women who...

WHINING about anything is not cool!!! We each have our own problems and at this stage, hearing about the negative is not a polar opposite most want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 1:15am

I agree with Shy's thoughts on "normal" as far as not worrying about introducing him to the people in my life and having them think, "what's she doing with THAT weirdo?" I also agree on the obsessiveness - I wouldn't want someone who was so emotionally unhealthy that I was his whole world - that'd be way too suffocating. And if someone was obsessed with something to the point it would interfere with making plans with ME, that's not "normal" to me, either.
















iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 9:47am

::I also agree on the obsessiveness - I wouldn't want someone who was so emotionally unhealthy that I was his whole world

Are those the people in prison -- where everything is decided for them. My SO used to work at the county as a Sheriff's Deputy and she talked about some of these people -- very strange and instable for sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 10:26am
I'm sure there are a good number of them in prison, but I've heard of many who weren't in prison, too!
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 7:44pm

Tell me in all seriousness -- you really did not have the following experience... "He doesn't feel the need to draw attention to himself by doing things that he knows would make most people cringe (like mooning a whole bar)."


No, I didn't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 8:34pm

Define what a Normal Guy is to you?

A normal guy to me is someone who is emotionally stable, treats others how he would like to be treated and who is not socially inept, he can be shy but know how to talk to others without scaring them away, one that respects himself enough to be a well-rounded/good person overall.

(2) Provide a geographic region you live in (i.e. state) California

(3) Provide your income range ($20K to $30K) wont' post it but I'm happy with it.

(4) What was the length of your last relationship? currently in a 6 month long relationship

(5) How long ago was you last relationship? it was a year and a half before I started dating my current boyfriend.

(6) What age bracket are you in (18-25)(26-35)(36-45)(46-55)(56+) I'm 31