Define NORMAL GUY for online dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
Define NORMAL GUY for online dating
30
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 12:35pm

I was just reading a thread where towards the end it was mentioned that they are "just looking for a normal guy."

What are some of the traits that you would be looking for in a "NORMAL GUY" -- I am curious to see if there are conflicting answers or if the answers become similar. I would also be curious to have a demographic of each response:

(1) Define what a Normal Guy is to you?
(2) Provide a geographic region you live in (i.e. state)
(3) Provide your income range ($20K to $30K)
(4) What was the length of your last relationship
(5) How long ago was you last relationship
(6) What age bracket are you in (18-25)(26-35)(36-45)(46-55)(56+)

Maybe iVillage will do a story off of this??? Doubt it but lets have fun!




Edited 4/25/2007 2:40 pm ET by longtime_luvr

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 8:46pm
I also just wanted to comment on your statement about guys being over 30 and having children already for the most part. I would have to disagree with that especially with where I live in California. I've been on lots of dates with guys who are over 30 and never have had children. Well, in fact I know a lot of women here that age that are in the same boat and have never been married. I think 30 is still young to be single especially in California because you run into it more and more now. Like they say 30 is the new 20 and you don't really know who you are and what you want out of a relationship until about then anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 10:28am

:: I teach third grade. Right now, the best part of teaching is May 25.

LOL - My 4th grade son does not want school to end -- but then again, he just enjoys his teacher. I think she reminds him of my mom... She is retiring after this yr. She is tired of the politics of the system and wants to just enjoy retirement w/ her hubby. They go to our church - so often we talk at church.

::Are you saying that I'm too old? That all people my age already have children by now?

Hell NO, not saying you are too old at all. I just know that soooo often when I was looking at the pool of women that are available, even at age 32 (a few yrs back when I was looking) sooo many women have 2 to 4 kids already -- which sort-of amazed me. What is more interesting is that some of these kids are already teenagers!!

For me, I do (did) not mind that they have kids (rather that because I have a son - I would PREFER that she did too). I have heard of too many relationships that end because the adult that does not have kids has a very difficult time relating.

::The newness wore off and he did what a lot of men I've dated have done- he went in search of someone new and more exciting.

Being that relationships are not one-sided, and this newness can wear off IF both do not try to keep the relationship going -- sure we all know there are those times where life puts us into ruts that need a kick-in-the-butt to move us out of... But isn't it that realization that should say - lets energize this...

Not matter if you are married for 1, 5, 10 yrs - it is up to that couple to keep the romance alive and the love factor going.

Everyonce-in-awhile, I will just put a card or something silly in my SO's car (behind the steering wheel) so when she either leaves for work or comes out of the office -- finds it. It could be a HINT about something for later or just as simple as I lOVE YOU. Either way - it is the little things that (at least how her and I look at it) make more of a difference than the large things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 11:00am

Hi Bio -

::I also just wanted to comment on your statement about guys being over 30 and having children already for the most part. I would have to disagree with that especially with where I live in California.

You know, it is very interesting how different regions have differences in what ages people are having children.

In in WI, it is more prevalent that there are children by age 21 rather than waiting until mid 30's lets say.

::Like they say 30 is the new 20 and you don't really know who you are and what you want out of a relationship until about then anyway.

This is definitely with people living longer too - that we are all feeling younger than our statistical age.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 1:45pm

I'm with biochic -- there are a lot of men and women in Colorado in their 30s who have never had children, and almost as many who have never been married.

I for one, prefer to date men who don't have children, because I've never been married and don't have any children of my own, either. I think I still have the dream of starting a family with someone who hasn't already been there/done that.

That doesn't mean I would completely discount someone great I meet who has kids -- but, in terms of online dating, I'm much less likely to connect and respond to the guys with kids. Often, they do post the line about "my kids are my first priority" usually followed by something akin to "and you'd better get used to that." Of course their kids are their first priority, and should be, but when their profile is on the offensive like that about their kids, it feels like they have not created the space and time in their life to allow a real relationship to grow and it sounds like they are not really willing to do that.

It just sets up additional hurdles to an already challenging situation of trying to meet, connect and develop a relationship with someone.

If I had kids, like you, I probably would seek out someone who also has kids. I think there is something to be said for coming from similar perspectives in your life experience - and kids are a biggie.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 3:44pm

I had the exact experience you describe:

::Of course their kids are their first priority, and should be, but when their profile is on the offensive like that about their kids, it feels like they have not created the space and time in their life to allow a real relationship to grow and it sounds like they are not really willing to do that.

I was "trying" to date a woman that seemed to continually use the excuse of having to take her teenagers here or there. It made everything difficult -- to do much of anything. I learned from that experience MANY things that I had vowed to hopefully not allow to happen again.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 6:17pm

It is a two way street- both people have to try.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 6:19pm

It's not just with dating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 6:20pm
True there are some differences between the states with ages that people get married and have children. California definately is a state where people wait until they are older for the most part for that. I think a lot has to do with people wanting to have fun and get their careers going here first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 6:23pm
I agree with this. There are definately a lot more men out there who aren't willing to put as much work into a relationship. Not ALL of them are like this but there are several of them that are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 10:02am

::I really truly honestly think there are way too many men who have gotten spoiled and are just plain lazy.

I do think there are a number of people out there that think things will be handed to them and some how somewhere some body else is going to fix everything and make everything perfect.

Even with our own kids - my son talks about how at his mom's house the other kids (step-brothers) don't do chores like at my house... Then again those kids seem to rule the roost in many ways -- what exactly is going to happen when they leave the house... some woman is going to hook up with them and find she is a glorified mother to them -- because they were never taught (forced) to take on responsibility at home.

Then this translates later in life that they should have everything given to them and they do not have the same responsibilities.

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