Defintion of high maintenance

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Defintion of high maintenance
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Fri, 04-06-2007 - 6:28pm
There was a post on another part of this same board about what is considered high maintenance in dating and relationships. I thought I would post again about this up here in the main part to see what everyone else thinks since it's an interesting topic.
What is your defination of high maintenance? What are the characteristics of women who are this way? I know a lot of people will have different answers so this should be interesting.
These are my thoughts on it:
When I think of high maintenance I think of women that don't want to do anything outdoorsy or any sports because they might break a nail. Women who expect their boyfriends to buy them all this nice jewelry and expensive clothing and take them to nice restaurants frequently and if they don't get what they want they throw a fit. Also women who dont' understand if their boyfriend can't call them back right away or can't hang out every minute of every day and expect him to drop everything and anything for her at all times, not considering their feelings. That's what I consider high maintence.


Edited 4/6/2007 6:29 pm ET by biochic2004

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 7:05pm
I think of "HM" as a person who is emotionally insecure. She constantly needs to be reassured of EVERYTHING - her looks, personality, brains, his love for her, her cooking - you name it. Could also be a woman who is hard to please - never satisfied with anything - her home, her job, her kids, her man, her income, her friends, gifts people give her - nothing is ever good enough. Could also be a woman who is constantly passive agressive or expects you to read her mind and will never ask for what she wants. I think any person, man or woman, who has these characteristics could be called "HM". Iri
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 7:49pm

I complete agree with your definition.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 7:24pm
You totally nailed my definition of high maintenence. An exhausting human being to be with.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 7:34pm
I see that for sure. Someone who is hard to please in all aspects of life and who is never happy or never has enough is definately high maintanence. Someone who expects another person to take away the emotional pain you feel inside when no one is capable of doing that but yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 12:20am
This is very interesting to hear because I am certainly not the person defined here but I have been called high maintenance by my former colleagues. This is how they gave me that title. I used to work in a Pharmaceutical industry in a tiny town in Upstate, NY. Personally, I like to look good (my definition of good at least). That means chances are I won't go shopping in a wrinkle clothes and I may not wear things that simply don't flatter me in any way. When I was working there, I realized that majority of the workers, both men and women, come to work in stained clothes, way oversize clothes, the women simply pull their hair back and they were done, yet they complained every single minute of the day of how they don't think they look good and how they wish they knew how do dress themselves better. I figured they were comfortable with the way the look because to me, one dresses the way they are comfortable. Unfortunately, they wanted me to dress like that and from the way I was raise and my comfortability level, that's a no-no. Because I like to look certain way (and mind you, I am doing my shopping with my own money!), they gave me the famous title of HM. I didn't think I fit that title at all! These people used to let their self go so bad that when we attended one huge Scientific meeting, some of the attendants actually approached some of my female colleagues to tell them to put "a little effort" into their looks. For me, that's a lot. Depending on who you ask, HM will be defined differently and probably even more broadly. To my colleagues, it's simply a woman who puts on makeup, doesn't like to wear sneakers with every outfit, puts on necklace and boots to work. Oh and also like shopping!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 7:05am

I totally agree with you about the definitions being different.

I don't think fashion or hobbies (I.E. not liking camping etc.) has anything to do with being high maintenence. After all we don't call men high maintenence if they don't want to go to fashion week right? I mean because a lot of men wouldn't consider that a funtime just like a lot of women don't consider camping or sports a funtime. That shouldn't get them a label of HM.




Edited 4/8/2007 7:09 am ET by lovinhockey17

Smile,

Deirdre

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 10:09am

Ahh...but the question is: Did/do you expect those around you (friends, boyfriends, family) to keep up to your standards of dress?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 1:13pm

Oh no, I don't expect other people to live up to my standard but like it or not, everybody, be it high maintenance or not has a standard they are comfortable and probably won't compromise on. I won't go to a black tie affair in Jeans and sneakers so while I don't expect people to live up to my standard, I believe there's a time and place for certain things especially when the occassion calls for it. For example, as I said, I won 't be happy to go to a black tire affair with my boyfriend when he's in Jeans and sneakers. I belieive people dress according to the comfortable zone but in my opinion, if you are constantly complaining about how you look, then you are not comfortable so if I am to give you an an advice, of course it will go towards the lines of my standard because afterall, that's what I know. That doesn't mean I want them to dress to my standard but that is what I know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 9:29am

I know some

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 11:54am
I think the definition of HM is all relative and everyone thinks differently. I don't see there being anything wrong with dressing nice and looking good. In fact I think that shows self esteem rather than looking frumpy.
I guess what I was trying to portray was women that are not open to experiencing different things and stay closed in a "box" in their own world. Hence the women that refuse to do certain thing because they will break a nail or who would be caught dead in something casual from time to time. I don't know, I might get slammed for that sort of opinion but I always thought that living life is being open to all sorts of different things, whether that be dressing up or dressing casual for each occasion

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