Desperate for advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Desperate for advice
5
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 3:34am
I don't know what to do. My best friend has been with her boyfriend for 4 years. She lives with him. We caught him out on a date with another girl last friday ( he took her to a place our friend works.) He admitted to it and told her he's tried to be a commitment man but he just doesnt feel he can only committ to her anymore adn wants to see other people, but apparetnly still wants to see her. She is broken hearted. This is the man she wanted to marry and start a family with. It came very suddenly.
Here's the reason im writing....
She is thinking so illogically right now that she wants to stay with him and let him have an open relationship on his end, knowing its ridiculous. She is at the point where shed rather come second fiddle to him and turn the other cheek than start over with her life and find someone who wants her and only her.She's 29 and hes 35. I told her to wake up, he will never wants what she wants and he doesnt feel the same way she does. But she cant think straight and this whole situation is so disheartening. If she stays with him this will tear her apart everyday knowing hes out with other women. I dont know what else i can do but im so angry with her decision. shes digging her own grave. Please someone help. I dont know if i should say anything else or what else to do, but i dont want to sit back and watch this freak show...........................Help!
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 6:21am

Hi city,

I think you've done all you can. Saying anything more will only make her cling harder to her decision and/or drive her away from you. Perhaps after a few weeks or months of this open relationship, she will see the light.

Sounds like she really needs her friends right now and all you can do is be there when this all comes crashing down. I hate to see young women wasting so much time on obvious losers, time that they could be spending with someone who appreciates them--or no one at all. I have watched my fair share of friends make abysmal decisions about men. "But I love him," they will say. Hopefully your friend will learn but I have several friends who have never learned and have spent decades with loser after loser.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 10:24am

My experience is that smart women eventually get fed up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 1:40pm

I agree with the PPs. You have offered your opinion - now the best thing you can do is be her friend. People have to learn for themselves what is good/not good for them, and I do think she'll come to her senses. It sounds like something she needs to go through right now as a way of letting go of the man.

What a winner, eh? Ugh. I really feel for your friend.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2006
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 3:01pm
I agree with the other posters. I bet she will come to her senses! She is hurt and scared right now. Just be there to support her! Sounds like it's a good thing you are there for her!!
Amie
Amie Choiniere Office Manager~Mom~Domestic Goddess~Student~Wine Lover~Girlfriend~Gardener~Decorator~Vinyl Wall Lettering Queen!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 5:59pm
Thanks for the advice so far everyone. It's so hard to see my best friend go through this and make terrible choices. I know this will all end badly, and its sad that she will be learning this the hard way. I really wish she'd change her mind.:(