DESPERATE FOR HELP, PLEASE

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
DESPERATE FOR HELP, PLEASE
7
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 1:53am
Does anyone know of a free service where I can find a date for a friend? I have a 28 year old male friend who really needs a girlfriend. He is a really great guy but cannot find a date due to the fact that he is overweight. My husband and I would like to see him hook up with someone who can make him as happy as he can make her. He has a job. He just doesn't get out much to meet people. Can anyone please help? I know that he wouldn't try any services to meet that special someone. That's why I'm trying to do it for him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 8:06am
It takes a lot of time and effort and motivation even after the introduction is made through one of these services - he has to be willing to talk to the woman on the phone, to meet her for a date with an open mind, etc and he has to be willing to do this many many times over with different people, unless he totally lucks out. also, most women (like me) prefer when the man has a profile up not a man's friend - I have met men where parents posted the personal and typically it wa sawkward. Instead of hooking him up, why not get him the book Dating For Dummies by Dr. Joy Brown, or offer to work out with him, etc. - so that when he is ready he will put himself out there.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 8:15am
Please don't take this badly, because I know you have good intentions and really do want to help, but please don't do this for him.

Being single is hardest because it seems like the whole world thinks we should be coupled. We look around, and all we see is married lovey-dovey people, wedding invitations for two, tickets sold in pairs, etc. Only the most confident of singles (and we do have a few here) aren't bothered by those things a little.

Then there's our aunt/brother/mother/father/best friend who is always trying to find someone for us so we'll "be happy." The thing is, we can be just as happy single! A mate doesn't make you happy. He or she can enhance life and make the tough times easier, but the truth is, if you aren't happy with yourself, you're not ready to be with anyone else.

If your friend really wants to meet someone, and he's asked you to help, there are lots of things you can do. The number one thing is to encourage him to get out there himself. No woman wants a guy who can't approach her, and if he can't do that, a dating service is only going to make him feel rejected. You could join a club together or volunteer together or just go out on a weekend together sometime. If he wants to be set up, then just invite the chosen person out with you.

Again, I don't want to criticize your intentions, because I'm sure they are good. However, as a single person, I can say that unless he has bluntly said he wants you to do this for him, then please don't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 12:47pm
"Does anyone know of a free service where I can find a date for a friend? I have a 28 year old male friend who really needs a girlfriend. He is a really great guy but cannot find a date due to the fact that he is overweight. My husband and I would like to see him hook up with someone who can make him as happy as he can make her. He has a job. He just doesn't get out much to meet people. Can anyone please help? I know that he wouldn't try any services to meet that special someone. That's why I'm trying to do it for him. "

ok, first of all: why does he need a free service? online dating services aren't exactly expensive...

but if he's overweight, why not encourage him to exercise and diet instead? if he "needs" a girlfriend, it could be because he has some self confidense issues. he needs to fix those before he starts dating... ('cause your self confidense takes a major beating when a girl turns you down)

Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 1:10pm
I'd have to agree with your post. This guy should be encouraged to get into better shape. He'll feel more confident and comfortable approaching women. Having a positive self-image makes a huge difference. I'm speaking from personal experience...a year ago I weighed 44 pounds more than I do now and felt so unattractive that I projected that image to others and never dared to flirt with any men, so I never met anyone new. Now I'm much more confident and I know that men find me attractive, so I'm much more comfortable dating. I suspect the same may be true for the friend mentioned in the initial message.
Avatar for noahs_mommy2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Wed, 04-30-2003 - 3:48pm
I understand how he feels. I am too weirded out to try an online dating service. I live in a small town and would be afraid someone I knew saw my profile. Where does your friend live? Is he interested in having an online buddy because I have been trying to find one but have had no success yet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
Sun, 05-04-2003 - 2:56am
Hi,

Thanks for writing. In my original question, I didn't really go into detail about my situation. I'm married and we have a beautiful baby boy. For about 10 years now, my husband has had a friend who has never had a girlfriend. He is 28 years old and has never even kissed a girl. He's a great guy. He would do anything for his girl. The problem is that he is overweight. He weights a little over 300 pounds. He doesn't "get out" much. He goes out to dinner with my husband and I almost every weekend. We don't go out to bars anymore because of our baby. We would rather stay at home with him. He doesn't have too many other friends. There just aren't too many opportunities for him to meet anyone. He would never join a dating service. That's why I'm trying to do something for him. I just don't want to put too much money out for this. I'm a stay-at-home mom and I'm trying to watch what I spend my money on. He doesn't have a computer at home. Because of that, he wouldn't be able to be an online buddy. I'm sorry. Are you looking for a male online buddy or does it not matter?

Do you, or anyone, have any suggestions on how I can help him find someone? I know that he should do this for himself. I just know that he won't do anything about it. I'm only trying to help a friend.

Thanks.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-04-2003 - 11:36am
You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. I know you have good intentions, but he will probably resent your intruding into his personal life. When he's ready to include dating in his life, he'll take action. Stay out of it, unless he *asks* for your help.

Sheri