destined for loneliness?
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| Wed, 10-05-2005 - 10:50pm |
It's been about a month and a half since I broke up with my bf of 4 years.
In fact, it would have been our 4 year anniversary last week- kind of felt good in a weird way realizing that was our anniversary and that i was actually quite happy with my decision to end things.
So while I'm so happy with my solitude in that decision, and while i'm proud of myself for not letting my guilt keep me in the relationship, and while I'm sure I'll meet someone better suited for me in the near future, there's this pang of doubt and fear.
Last time I was single it was after i got out of a two year relationship- i was single for a bit more than a year. It was going to college that brought me my last bf. I'm so scared now that it's just going to get harder to meet men. I live in a small town (my hometown that i moved back to 6 months ago) and have no cute, single coworkers- so I'm left here trying to just meet more people and make more friends. And I'm left here wondering if I'll ever meet a man again.
It's hard to think of a way that i'll meet someone. I hate the idea of hooking up with a guy at the bar- since i'm not a big drinker and am certainly not a one-night-stand kind of girl. There's no night classes or other ways to mingle with new people. And yeah, I'm just feeling a bit down tonight.
But well, just venting here I guess. No need for advice or anything like that. Just sharing my thoughts and fears. But at the same time I just had to say how relieved I am that I am out of that relationship. There was nothing wrong with him, but there was also nothing right with him. I always felt doubt in the relationship- even seconds after our first kiss. And I feel guilty for saying that and still a bit bad ending things when he kept saying how we were meant to be together and how he'll love me forever- but i just didn't feel the same way and well, even though i'm lonely tonight I still would rather be lonely and sitting here in my apartment then lonely sitting next to him.
So here's a toast *raises cup of green tea* to us singles that will meet someone, probably when we least expect it, and in the meantime can be confident in our life decisions and confident that we are complete people even when we're feeling a little incomplete :)

Way to keep the faith, vgirl.
I join you in your toast :-)
I think you have a very healthy head on your shoulders!!! Too many people only see the negative side of things and cannot keep it in perspective. It sounds like you understand that being lonely sometimes sucks, but understand that you are actually more happy being single than in a dead-end relationship. Good for you! Sometimes everyone needs to vent. Honestly, I have found that somtimes you will get very lonely being single. But it ar out weighes being in an okay relationship. The hardest part is getting lonely from time to time, but it does get easier and you will find those lonely days become far and few between. You just need to get used to it. It is the hardest right out of a relationship, too. Go out with friends to pass the time.
Good Luck!!!
KCole
this thread really made me feel much more confident about being single. i do have lonely days. sometimes i even dream about my x bf and wish to have him back but i think that is more out of being lonely than thinking he is the right one.
Fun1976,
This is the smartest/most positive thing I've read on this board in a long time!
"Let's just be patient and see what HE has in store for us!"