detailed description of my future mate

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
detailed description of my future mate
7
Tue, 11-05-2013 - 1:01am

I was browsing online for law of attraction excercise to find a mate. They said to write down a detailed description of what your mate down to eye, hair color. So I made my list very specific. I'm still afraid the universe would play a cruel trick on me so I get specific. Healthy isn't specifi enough, I also add don't have deadly disease (like HIV/AIDS), cancer, etc..

Do I have to be that concrete?

Another thing that I find hard to be specific on is the looks, other than tall and proportional, I really do'nt have a preference for hair or eye color. I hate to restrict myself to such superficial traits. And then how can I be specific without having a picture of a certain man,  the more narrow the criteria, the more it would  morph into a clear picture. Is that right?

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 11-05-2013 - 9:19am

Oh, I have experimented with these sorts of lists as an exercise in affirmation. Same with vision boards. I tore them all up, as these sorts of exercises do not resonate with me. I think if you're going to make a list, you might want to think more about a man's qualities rather than his hair color, ya know? I just don't think you can write out a grocery list, hand it to the universe and get a man delivered to you by Universe FedEx. But that's me.

For myself, when I feel inclined to do these sorts of things, it is an indication that I really need to look inward and get right with myself. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 11-05-2013 - 2:20pm

well its just not that simple ..

If you have been listening to Esther Hicks of Laws of Attraction she states over and over that one must be in the "Vortex" and in a positive state of being  most of the time to raise their vibrations and attract a mate..A mate that is on the same vibration as yourself..

Also she states that we cannot hold onto a negative thought or belief for more than 17 seconds and that is pretty challenging.. Try it and see what happens?

Not saying this doesnt work but there are other variables to consider.

You could attract alot of men but they wont be right if you dont put laws of attraction into practice..

Just saying but good luck..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 11-05-2013 - 2:32pm

Oh if only it was that easy to dream about someone and then Prince Charming would just appear!  If hair color/eye color don't matter much to you then don't write them down.  What is it that's really important to you?  Education, good job, compatible personality, etc.  I'm a little skeptical of laws of attraction.  What I go for is more what I'd call positive thinking.  My ex & I used to have this running joke about why I could always find a parking space right at the front door of a store and he never could--then I really laughed when I read The Secret and they actually had a mention in there of finding parking spaces.  I figured that it was because he assumed that he wouldnt' find a close parking space so he would just park at the first parking space he saw while I would at least drive up to the front just in case and most of the time there was one.

So I relate this to finding a man.  You can write down all the lists you want but I don't think that if you just stay and home and don't do anything different, Mr. Wonderful is going to just knock on your door, no matter what thoughts you put out in the universe.  If you want a new job, but never send out any resumes or talk to anyone about a new job, it's unlikely that you'd just be handed one.  So I think that deciding what's important for you to find in a mate is a good exercise because then when you meet unsuitable guys, you won't waste your time because you'll remember they aren't what you are looking for.  But I also think you have to make an effort like going out and engaging with people.

There was a study done that I think I read about in Oprah magazine about how some people would go out in public and just not ever look up or engage with other people while other people were more aware of their surroundings and available to talk to people--guess who would have the best chance of meeting someone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2013
Tue, 11-05-2013 - 4:53pm

Blonde

Swedish

21

Dad owns a merchant bank

Top that for a wish list?

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Tue, 11-05-2013 - 5:39pm

How about:

Blonde

Swedish

21

OWNS a merchant bank

AMAZING LOVER!

Top that for a wish list?

Laughing

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Tue, 11-05-2013 - 6:06pm

Freeatlast,

I'm also trying to change my vibrations by being more positive. For example, I don't listen to sad love lost songs. I listen to more romantic old jazzy songs. I have tell you though these songs are the bomb for putting you in an amorous mood. I just love them so much now. Didn't use to. I also find the more I gravitate towards positivity, the less attached I am to negative thoughts.

I was thinking hwo did I became such an addict for suffering.  Tumultuous childhood with a poverty-stricken angry parent and my strong personality clashing with his controlling, bossy attitude is to blame for most of it. Things were so bad I've learned not to expect it to be better. BUT IT DID many years later through sheer determination. Emotionally I didn't really change much. I would say I got extremely lucky. Nobody would have thought I was able to get into medical school. I was flabergasted myself.  

Also growing up I would get excited about things I thought was going well for me but a close gf who always downplayed good things in her life but she  always came out ahead of me. That kinda put a damper on my enthusiasm and I learned to downplay things or think negative about things so they would come out good b/c that's what happened with my friend.

Nowaday though I don't talk about good things in my life either. Other than not having a partner, the rest of my life is pretty good. I have a group of friends that I get together for bible study small group. Their lives are good overall but they all have some problem: husband not working, work conflicts, etc...In these cases I never talk to them about what's going right in my life b/c I don't want to make them feel bad. I don't talk about my need for a partner either b/c they don't see that as a problem. Besides that there are a couple of single men in that group who are looking too but honestly I don't think they're up to snuff. So how awkward would it be if I complain to them about my mateless situatiation but reject these men. Nobody like to be rejected.

I remember many years ago, I went to a singles church group and of course talked about wanting to meet people. After the meeting, a man there, much older than me, with leg injury, on disability, asked me out and was very persistent about it. That was awkward.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Tue, 11-05-2013 - 6:26pm

I would have a problem with that one.  At least as far as looks go.  I don't really have a "type" when it comes to looks.  I find myself attracted to many different looking men.  Their personality is more where I could get specific..... more of the NOT my type:  No drunks, no druggies, no control freaks, no constant spitting, no liars, no cheaters.....that list could go on and on. LOL