Do I have the right to be jealous?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Do I have the right to be jealous?
4
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 1:06am
A few months ago, I met this guy (lets call him D) at a friend's party. My friends thought the guy was an ass, but we ended up hitting it off and exchanged numbers. It just so happened that neither one of us was looking for a relationship at the time, so we had a fling for a few months. During this few months time, we ended up confiding in each other about all aspects of our lives and having deep conversations. We both got busy and stopped talking almost a month ago. Since then, I have been casually dating someone else - someone who's completely opposite from him. About a week and a half ago, I was with a good friend of mine (let's call her Nina), and by coincidence, we both realized we had D's number in our cellphones - it just so happened that Nina met D two months before I did, but never returned his phones and eventually forgot about him. Nina loves attention, especialy male attention, so she texted messaged his cell just so see if he remembered her and he didn't. She then reminded him of who she was, and he's been calling and text messaging her EVERYDAY, a few times a day. She mentioned to him that she was a friend of mine and he replied to her, "She's a great girl, but I want to spend some time with you ." Nina avoided his interest, until she found out he was wealthy - now she wants see what she can get out of him. Now it's almost been a month since I last had a significant conversation with D (just little text messages here and there), and I know I shouldn't care because (1) it was just a fling and (2) I've been dating someone else, but I can't help but be jealous that she's getting his attention now. She couldn't even remember what he looked like - I had to point him out in a photo for her. The part that really sucks is that I can't confide in any of my friends about the situation, because no one knew D and I were having a fling for all those months. Do I have the right to be jealous? I've been so confused lately - Is there a "right" way to react to this situation?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 8:48am
Jealousy is the fear of losing something you have, but since you don't have this guy, your jealousy is a wasted emotion. However, you are entitled to it as we all are entitled to our emotions. It would be a convenient thing if we only felt emotions that were appropriate! But that is not the way of humanity. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 9:38am

When you say neither you nor D were looking for a serious relationship, is that completely true, or are you trying to convince yourself that you were okay with that arrangement when you really wanted more from him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 11:59am
Is it jealousy or are you hurt? Because it sounds more like your hurt that your friend did that to you. Doesn't sound like your friend cares much about your feelings. I can't imagine every doing that to a friend of mine.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 12:18pm
I know, my whole situation is so ridiculous. I shouldn't feel this way because I'm not in love with him. I wouldn't care if he was seeing a million girls I didn't know - it just bothers me that he's talking to Nina. To make matters even worse, Nina and I are moving into an apartment together in a few weeks. If she still chooses to string him along, I'm gonna have to see him more often that I thought I would - it's bad enough he's always calling her while she and I are hanging out.