Do I pursue or wait for him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2006
Do I pursue or wait for him?
4
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 5:18pm

I posted this on another board, but am going to try to get some varied responses.

I will also try to make this a bit more brief. ;) I'm more prone to being long-winded though, so we'll see how that goes!

My music history teacher this last semester was just absolutely adorable. I was looking forward to that class before it even started - walking in and finding an attractive, blonde professor was just icing on the cake. It was a silly, harmless crush and it just made the semester all the more enjoyable.

About halfway through April, though, he asked me to stay after class for something innocuous and the conversation wound up lasting a good 45 minutes. We discussed everything under the sun and never even got around to answering the question he originally asked me. It was wonderful because I hadn't felt that attracted to a man in over 2 years. Driving home I told myself not to read too much into it - he's very personable and always said so in class. When I checked my mail later that day, though, and found he'd e-mailed me to tell me how much he enjoyed talking to me and how really hoped we could talk again soon.

We stayed in casual e-mail contact throughout the next few weeks in addition to class, of course. We talked a bit after class, but nothing like that original time. I worried I was reading too much into it and tried not to be a pest and he wound up telling me that he loved seeing my name in his inbox. I knew that IF anything were to happen it would have to be after the semester was officially over, so basically it was a waiting game for 5 weeks.

Well, it's been about a week and a half and the e-mails have gotten more numerous and lengthy. I've found out a bit more about him and the more I hear, the more I WANT to hear. He's made several mentions of meeting for coffee and we've had a few failed attempts at meeting up at various other events, but nothing really beyond e-mail. He has my number and we've texted a bit back and forth, but nothing major. He keeps bringing up meeting to chat and I keep telling him I'm interested but nothing has materialized.

I just am unsure as how to proceed. I feel like I'm doing all the initiating - but when I do he has no trouble talking at length or asking me questions or bringing up something I've said or done. He's the one who makes mention of getting together without any prompting from me, but I'm getting to the point where I feel like I have to come up with reasons to contact him which makes me think the new cliche "he's just not that into" me.

It's just shy of two weeks and the contact has been up and down. I e-mail him and it goes back and forth 18 times in 24 hours; or he replies to one message three times in less than 30 minutes. Should I keep up the e-mail contact for a little bit longer? Should I stop cold-turkey and wait for HIM to contact ME? Should I up and ask him what the heck his deal is?

This is monumentally frustrating. I wasn't looking for a relationship and, at this point, would just be satisfied knowing he's not interested romantically. I've enjoyed the communication on a friendly level too. Am I just impatient? Have I not waited long enough?

Gah! This is why I stay single for long periods! Is it worth this confusion?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 6:18pm

Don't pursue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2006
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 1:19am

No, class ended about a week and a half ago. I guess maybe you're right - maybe he's just flattered at the attention. I'm disappointed at the way it's turned out because it seemed like we had an awesome and MUTUAL attraction and I was looking forward to getting to know him better.

There's a possibility I'll see him this weekend, but beyond that I just don't want to deal with wondering anymore.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 11:20am

Most schools have strict policies about teacher-student dating/relationships so maybe that is why he was so elusive. Even if he is not your teacher anymore, the fact he is a teacher and you are still a student in the school then the policies may still hold, i.e. he may get in trouble for dating you.

If that is not the case then there is no reason why he cannot call to ask you out. I don't have the patience if the person does not want to actually get together. If I was in your position, I would say "I enjoy our conversation and sharing ourselves over email. I would love to actually get together again but regardless I do not wish to do any more email exchanges for I do not find it as rewarding as face-to-face."

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2006
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 1:28pm

>>Most schools have strict policies about teacher-student dating/relationships so maybe that is why he was so elusive. Even if he is not your teacher anymore, the fact he is a teacher and you are still a student in the school then the policies may still hold, i.e. he may get in trouble for dating you.<<

I wondered about that. According to the employee handbook though, there aren't any hard and fast "rules" - just guidelines. Which, I guess, might be why he's dragging his heels - if he isn't sure what's OK and what isn't, I mean.

I'm pretty certain he's interested in getting to know me at least. I think I may just be over-eager. I DO have 3 months of backlogged crushing that is going to make me more enthusiastic than him... :)