Do I scare guys ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2005
Do I scare guys ?
11
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 5:10pm

Hello,

So here's my thing : I've been single for a few weeks now and I've been going out with friends for a couple of times now. Actually, this has always been a problem : I have a hard time meeting new people when I go out, it seems I intimidate people or I do not look approchable. I'm not very self-confident so I thought I'm not attractive enough to interest other guys. However my friends, who maybe are just saying this to make me feel better, describe me as a very beautiful girl. It also happens a lot that I learn later, by another person, that a certain guy found that I was very pretty but they never come and say it to me ! When I ask what's the problem they say that I look serious or independant or very self-confident... what's that supposed to mean ? Like I said, I don't have much self-confidence and I love to laugh and joke around so it always surprises me when I have these comments (which I have quite often).

The last few times I went out to a bar, I noticed some cute guys staring at me but it ended there. All I had was wierd-looking half-drunk guys saying stupid stuff to me or others trying to grab my butt when I got out of the ladies room. I mean, I can't change my face, so I don't really know what to do... making the first move for me isn't an option because I'm way to shy. I can't really meet guys through my friends because they are interested in a type of men that really don't interest me. So what am I supposed to do to get people to come up to me and talk to me ? I'll never date if I don't meet anybody and I do feel like dating right now... BTW, I'm 24 (going on 25), a student (doing my masters).

Any help would be welcome ! Thank you :)

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 7:24pm

I'm 29 and have never been approached in a bar.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 8:49pm
I discovered something interesting last night - if you want to get hit on at a bar, have it be your birthday!

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 9:39pm

Happy Belated Birthday, Stacey!


I'm glad the advertising worked for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2005
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 9:57pm

First of all, thank you all for your replies.

It's ok if I don't get hit on at bars it's not like it's what I aim for when I go out... but it would be nice. The problem is if I don't get hit on anywhere because of the "look" I've got on my face that scares people away, how will I meet someone and get a date ? Besides school, the gym, or night clubs, I don't see where I can find nice normal guys... I'm not trying to find a husband right now but it would still be nice to go on dates once in a while like everybody else. I don't understand how I could intimidate people who don't even know me when I'm so insecure about myself... I just don't get it, really. :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 9:10am

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 1:29pm

>> When I ask what's the problem they say that I look serious or independant or very self-confident... what's that supposed to mean <<

I get that same comment all the time. Sometimes I think I must make faces that I don't realize I'm making.

My best advice to you is to smile, smile, smile and make eye contact. That should give a guy enough of a comfort level to come up and say hello. Also, hanging out with a big group of women can be intimidating for guys, so make an effort to walk to the bar alone to get a drink or visit the jukebox. Stand apart from the crowd long enough for someone to be able to approach.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 6:56pm

Smart aleck!


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 7:15pm
No, really, I have - I have this friend who gets hit on a lot, and usually by the guys I'm checking out.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 9:00pm

I think there's been a misunderstanding (and quite a funny one).


I thought you were making fun of a typo I thought I made (ie "everyone was hit on BY me") and you were just pointing it out. Then I read back and realized that I didn't have a typo, but maybe you did!


If not, then, well, I'm really confused!


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 11:03pm

Happy Birthday, Stacey! Sorry it's belated!

I'm glad to hear you had good luck with the birthday!
The same thing works with bachelorette parties. I'd still like to get a few of my friends together and have a fake bachelorette party just to see what would happen. :-)

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