Do I take myself out of the game?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Do I take myself out of the game?
3
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 2:37pm
I've been single (ie w.o a serious relationship) for almost 5 years. In those 5 years I haven't been desparate to find a guy, but since one of my eventual goals is to get married and raise a family during this time I've told all my friends to keep and eye out and set me up, have gone on lots of dates (I will go out at least 2 with practically anyone who asks), have joined volunteer activites I'm interested in (not just to meet guys but to expand my experiences), done internet dating, etc. etc. and NOTHING--not one guy in 5 years I've even been halfway interested in. To be honest I'm pretty much sick of even trying....I'm pretty happy with everything else in my life and would much rather spend the evening at home reading a good book then spending 2 hours on another blind internet date than ends up going nowhere...so I'm tempted to just say screw it and take myself out of the game....not try dating, internet dating, ANYTHING, just figure if its meant to be it will be. On the other hand, I know "God helps those who help" themselves, so I wonder if by just stopping trying to ever meet anyone I am dooming myself to never finding the husband and family I desire? How do you know when to call it quits and "let it be" versus not giving up and continue to pursue meeting people with the understanding that just like anything, finding your "soul mate" takes effort. I'm torn between the two thoughts. Advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 3:44pm

Honey, I wish I knew hte answer becuase even though I haven't been single nearly as long as you have, I feel like this isn't going to change for a loooooooooong time.

Then I'm not sure if I should hold into hope of finding love again or try to accept perpetual singledom and try to let go of my desire for love and companionship. I just don't know what is best for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 4:09pm

It hasn't been as long for me, either, but I hear you. I also feel like it's hard work to date - and sometimes for little to no reward.

I think there is a happy medium between trying really hard and giving up, though. If you're sick of blind dates, take a break from them. Same for Internet dating, etc. However, I would say to still accept dates with guys you meet volunteering and maybe put yourself in social situations where you MIGHT meet someone. (Say, a friend's BBQ that you're on the fence about attending). At least you're maintaining a social life that way, and keeping the option for romance open.

You can still stay at home and read once in awhile (I also love to do this quite a bit), but you're not closing yourself off from meeting people entirely.

I just came off a total dating break and this is my new tactic. I'm not going to go back to Internet dating or anything for awhile -- that got to be too much of a headache. I will accept blind dates, and I will be social. I MIGHT try speed dating again, just because that was fun and much less pressure than Internet dates. But, I am going to approach it a lot more casually now so it might seem fun and exciting again - rather than one blah date after another.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 11:27am

I haven't been in the game for that long but already feel similar to you. Like the other repliers here, I have no answers for you. Only know that you're definitely not alone.

I myself am so sick of the whole "will he call" thing. I know it won't end soon- because any guy that asks for my number will put me through at least 24 hours of wondering. I know I need to let go and let the universe do its thing. I'm getting sick of checking my horoscope and reading my tarot cards- perpetually asking and wondering when love will come my way. So I've decided to take a break from this. After last weekend and meeting another guy at the bar and being disappointed yet again- well, i'm done for awhile.

But I will continue with putting myself out there- just not really looking for a relationship right now and will try my best to sit back and let things happen.