Do men and women like each other?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Do men and women like each other?
19
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 11:40pm

I just see so much of the "men are jerks" and "women are just gold diggers" crap that I wonder if we really even like each other anymore.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2005
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 12:19am

I noticed this myself when I was talking to some of my friends and some 'potentials'. One of my guy friends is so jaded by love and relationships that he just doesn't plum care anymore about relationships and finds it being tied down to someone. He's 28, by the way.

I see some couples together but I have to wonder, are men and women just putting up with each other to fulfill physical needs and companionship needs?

I also see a lot of men and women who are single and looking and keep meeting jerks on both sides, yet, if they're so great, never meet each other. What's going on right now in the dating world??

(Sidenote: I'm not married or in a relationship, more of a social anthropologist who has stopped dating and looking.;-))

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 12:50am
Men want smart sexy women and women want smart and attractive men.
Either they are all dumb and dont realize it or for some reason smart men always meat dumb women and vice versa.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 12:27pm

I genuinely like some men, and genuinely dislike others. It's individual, not gender-based.

I would tend to shy away from dating any man who thought in broad generalizations about women. There are men out there who do not, thankfully.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 2:06pm

I think you have to go through a lot of jerks of both sexes before you meet the right person because the jerks are the ones who are doing most of the dating, in my opinion. After a few jerks of either sex, a person can become jaded. The nice ones are often shy or at least not as assertive in going after potential mates. I only date men who chase me and are obviously interested in me so guess what kinds of guys I get most of the time! I noticed nice guys don't chase or are often intimidated by women so I have to really come out of my shell and go after them, all the while hoping I don't come off as aggressive. The jerks are charismatic in the beginning so that is why a lot of women like me are hooked by them but then their jerkdom comes into full bloom.

Also, usually if a person is nice, they want someone who isn't as nice at them, even if they refuse to admit it or believe it...not necessarily a bad boy or a b**ch but just someone with more of an edge. I'm a nice girl and that's been my experience. Though now I'm trying to avoid jerks at all costs because I recognize the game now and I don't want to have my heart broken by one of them again. I was jaded for the past couple of months after a jerk broke my heart but I am feeling so much better now and sometimes you just need to give it some time before you try dating again, as well as being more careful than before about who you give your heart away to. That will help you to not be resentful in the future, I think.

As an example, a guy from one of my classes took the train home with me this week. He asked me if I'm married and asked me if I get carded since I look younger than I am, and he joked that I'm not as old as I make myself sound, haha. I've been feeling lately that I'm too old to meet the right guy since all the good guys my age are taken or just want someone younger than them so that made me feel awesome. Okay, he was probably just flattering me but it made me feel so good about myself after the last jerk I dated who I was still thinking of until that day. Plus he's 23 hence five years younger than me so whoa, that really made me feel good! You have to appreciate the small moments like that I think so you can change your outlook on dating if you're feeling hopeless about it.

I love men whether or not I'm jaded about them though I tend to avoid dating them if I feel particularly negative about them. Even so, I know I might have my heart broken again even by a good guy so you have to be realistic and not dream of this perfect love coming along. I try not to and I try to learn something that I could use in the future from every relationship, no matter how horrible the relationship was. It's okay to wallow in your own misery for a while but if you let your resentment about your past take you over, you'll be alone for a long time, which I don't want to be, and I don't feel pity for people who don't work on their dating attitude to make themselves dateable again and just decide to give up. It is hard work but it needs to be done or else, I think you risk becoming a jerk or b**ch yourself who doesn't treat people well because you think they're not worth it or you end up not being open to them. In any relationship you have to put up with certain things and if someone doesn't want to put up with them, then they're better off by themselves for the time being. I guess I've said some obvious things here and good luck with your dating outlooks everyone because I'm working hard on my own.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 2:16pm

I understand your intense desire not to generalize about anything, but it is necessary at times to understand trends in our society.


Given the posts I've seen recently on several boards, it seems like there is a large population of people who are just completely fed up.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 2:30pm

Ok...I guess I don't see this as new or a trend. People thinking bad things about the opposite sex has been around at least since I started dating over 30 years ago, and I'm sure it wasn't new then.

I did get a chuckle out of your spinning analogy ;-). I think taking breaks from spinning...I mean dating ;-) is a good idea, at least until the dizziness stops.

Sheri

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 3:34pm

Maybe it's just my age, then because if you had asked me five years ago if I'd ever get fed up with my dating life or if I'd ever encounter so many people who feel the same way I do, I'd have said no.


I honestly think that it

Avatar for filiasan
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 6:00pm

Complainers complain. That's a fact of life. The truth is, men and women can still be friends. I have male friends who think I am generally interesting. Of course, that's because I'm weird. Weird is always interesting...even "dull weird". But yeah, I'm different. I think, a lot of times I get along better with men that I do women (of course I still have my share of men that I'd like to watch their asses get kicked...but bitches and a-holes are a fact of life, too.

But it really comes down to that it depends on the man/s or woman's temperment, and core beliefs. A woman who has had a history of being hurt by men close to her will most likely not be able to develop friendships with men. A man who has been doted on by his mother will grow up to think that women are inferior, thus damage his chance (OR his willingness) to make friends with women. A woman who is highly opinionated would be considered irritating to a man, and would most likely consider men to be just as irritating. A man who has had mostly bad luck with women will develop resentment for women.

As for men being so tainted that they don't want to date anymore--there are woman like that, too. I know, because I am one of them. If I were completely self-efficient, I wouldn't even bother having to depend on men. I hate that men call women greedy gold-diggers. I try to be fair and equal in my relationships. A lot of times, I'm the one losing more.




Edited 10/22/2005 6:10 pm ET by filiasan
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 11:54pm
i guess it is easier to just have flings..that way you don`t deal with someone long term...gold diggers my ass any guy i ever dated really didn`t have much money so you can`t accuse me of that one,as well as other women.(to be honest with you i really don`t care much for flowers and jewelry,and i bleieve in paying half for dinner and what not).not sure where men get off saying that about us.i guess guys jump into things too much s well..they don`t want to hurry in relationshp..yet they want to hurry with sex of course..they seem convinced we want to tie them down to marriage before they even get to know us and what we want..I never thought of marraige unti lme and myex were going out and pretty serious...but he decided that I wasnt important to him anymore...and why is that?simple his friends teased him for being whipped...complained i take up his time and call him too much..i let him do most of the calling..and we hung out maybe 2 times a week..sorry but i don`t feel i was taking up his time or crowding him..bu his boys got the best of him I guess..the go go bars were more fun in long run..so much for hsi crap saying he loved me and always wanted a nice girlfriend..yet the sleazes at the bars is what got him and his friends going..can`t win..i think the next guy i date,i will just maybe play games..i do think guys friends play a part in how he will act
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 9:41am

iVillage at my first response, so here it goes again.

I am an equal opportunity misanthrope. I get annoyed with both men and women my age in large part because I have on interest in doing the things that most people in their 20s and 30s do to meet one another (sports and the related bars, for example). I am frustrated with being single, but not with men. If anything, I get frustrated with myself for not being interested in those things. It would make life a heck of a lot easier. Besides, I know as many great single men as I do single women. It's not easy for any of us.

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