Do most men fear commitment?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Do most men fear commitment?
15
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 2:46pm
After the chase is over and the man knows that you care for him and that it's getting more serious, at this point do most men usually get scared of commitment and back off to do some thinking or think about breaking it off or at least slowing it down? If this is the case, why do you think that they do this? I'm wondering what both men and women on this board's viewpoint on this is.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 3:10pm

Well, I can't speak for men and I also can't make a broad generalization about all men, but speaking from only my experience in dating, befriending and observing the men I have come across in my short time single, it appears that commitment is NOT very desirable among most men I've encountered.

There are of course, exceptions to this, but I come across so few men that openly embrace the idea of "settling down", being monogamous and being labeled boyfriend that I am astonished of those very few times when I meet one. But I live in a singles world, so again, this is just my viewpoint.

The interpretation I get from these guys is that being with just one girl is too much work, boring and holds too much responsibility. They don't want to be responsible for hurting someone, that want their "freedom" to do whatever and not have anyone to answer to or they are so wrapped up in work or their careers that it will have to wait until 5-15 years down the line when they are financially ready for a serious commitment. For these men, work is their only love right now.

Again, this is just my 2 cents from my experiences, I don't claim to for all men.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 8:44pm

My experience tends to point to the same conclusion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 9:44pm

"Of course, there have to be some men out there willing to commit or no one would get married"

See in my world, they don't get married. 64% of African Americans are now single and 42% of black women will never marry. The marriage rates among blacks continue to drop and in my experience, it's even worse. In my entire family, I can only name 2 cousins who are currently married (one whose already been caught cheating in a long-term affair)and most of my male cousins have chosen to have babies without marrying the mothers. Infact, my family consists of mainly women who are single, divorced or widowed. They are are no men. I have no uncles.

Not to get into a huge race thing but of my white friends, they are always going to weddings, their friends are getting engaged, moving in together and having kids. Out of my black ones, not one is in a relationship and I have been to I believe 4 weddings in my life. I don't know anyone whose getting married or whose even in a serious relationship. It's as if it's going extinct in my community.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 3:56pm
I am a male and I don't fear committment. I think it's awesome that two people can be best friends, share intimacy with and are devoted with one another. It's crucial to find someone that you share similar beliefs with, that's why it is important to date before getting serious.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 11:43pm
Thanks for the male perspective on this and a positive/encouraging one at that. It's really great to hear that there are men out there who are wanting that special someone in their life and feel like they have something to offer another person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 12:42am
Do you think these commitment issues are most common amongst guys in their mid to late 20s?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 8:53am

"Do you think these commitment issues are most common amongst guys in their mid to late 20s?"

I definitely think so. I haven't met a guy in that age range that isn't already married or engaged to his career. That comes first. Often times, women are last (or at all) on their priority list.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 9:02am
Well I guess what I meant by "commitment" in that question is commiting to be a girl's official boyfriend (not engagement or marriage)?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 9:20am
Yeah, that is exactly what I am talking about. The majority of men I meet do NOT want a girlfriend right now. They prefer to keep things open, nonexclusive, and commitment-free. The loves of their lives right now is their career is which they have a bigger commitment to.


Edited 5/25/2006 9:52 am ET by cl214
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 10:05am
I dont' think it's age related really. I'm 30 and I've met a lot of guys that have this problem in their early to late 30s as well. I think the guys that have commitment problems in their mid to late 20s are usually still either just out to have a good time and get their careers going but I think the guys in their 30s and up that have commitment issues usually are jaded from past relationships or just never have really matured enough emotionally to really want to put in the work it takes to compromise or open their hearts enough for a true relationship.

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