Do opposites attract?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Do opposites attract?
6
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 11:02pm

This is something I've been thinking about for awhile.


I've seen some people write things like "I see he's athletic, so he wouldn't want me because I'm not" and I know that if I see a guy writes about an interest in his profile that I don't have, I'll assume we wouldn't have anything in common.


But, do you think that two people have to be alike to be compatible?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 12:01am

Well here's my opinion

I think its more important to see and appreciate the value in your partner's interests and differences from yourself than to expect that you be models of each other. I think its important to allow the other to enjoy their interests and activities and take interest in what they love.

I think there has to be a compatibility on some interests but not all. I think its more important to be compatible in goals, values, morals, ambitions, motivations and some personality structures.

For instance, my SO is athletic and fit and is a huge sports nut. He is also a computer geek and video game player. He doesnt like to read much. I'm not athletic or fit at all (though I'm trying), I love to watch sports but I dont necessarily know or understand all the rules or keep up on stats and crap. I dont know much at all about computers and I like to play old school Mario as opposed to the new stuff! I love music and books and other stuff. We find many ways to enjoy our time together that include both our interests. If he wants to see a game, I go with him and enjoy it because I like it and know that he is enjoying it and appreciates my company. If I want to go to a museum, a music performance, shopping or go dancing, he comes along, doesnt complain and usually enjoys himself. Sometimes we just try new stuff that we're neutral on (like fishing) and find that we enjoy doing it together.

I do think that for a lasting relationship, people have to find some commonality, because what would you do with that person for 50-60 years of your lives if there was nothing there?? But if I wanted to date someone exactly like me with all my same interests, I think I would get really bored and tired of him as myself. I like variety and trying out new things and I think a partner that is different brings that to the table. Brainy men and party women probably can be compatible because just because she parties and has a good time doesnt mean she isnt smart and wont attract an intelligent man. I think that the "party" woman can bring a whole new spice to a "brainy" mans life too and he can bring some "ground" to hers. I also think athletic or sports oriented men can be compatible with a woman who doesnt care or interested in that stuff herself...I see many many couples like this. How many men sit at home on NFL Sundays while their wives become "Football Widows" and wonder what they're going to do with themselves? And yet, they're still happy.

I dont know if I'm making sense, but those are my rambling two cents.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 2:59am

How many people do you know who are exactly like you? Everyone is unique and any two people are opposites on things. If you are talking about beliefs, religion, morals, sense of right and wrong stuff like then, yeah people have to be kind of the same on that.

But as far as interests go, I think opposites usually work better. I rarely see couples who share the same hobbies and interests. A guy who wants to watch scarface every night and a girl who wants to watch the notebook every night works, I have friends like that.

Basically I think major things like beliefs that govern how you live your life have to be the same but interests and hobbies can be, and usually are, different. I mean would you really want to spend your life with a carbon copy of yourself? lol It'd be boring, someone who wanted to exactly what you wanted to do? Someone agreeing with everything you said? I know I couldnt put up wiht myself. lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 7:45am
I think not having a lot of common activity related interests in only a real problem if one or both of the people in the couple expects to spend all of his/her spare time with the other, or if the other person's interests are something you object to morally, etc. However, if you are a person who needs a lot of time to yourself, or if you have plenty of friends to pursue your own interests then it's not a big deal if you bf/gf goes off and does his/her thing (the things that don't interest you) either alone or with friends. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 9:05am

I think that this is one of the toughest parts of finding someone for me. I am hard to fit as it is. I consider myself reasonably intelligent and I spend a lot of my free time attending lectures and the symphony. At the same time, I can't stand stuffy people and I definitely like to party (as you have witnessed, Shy).

So I need someone who is as unlikely to fit into one sort of lifestyle as I am. At the same time, I don't want someone who shares all of my interests. I need to have things that I do on my own. Interestingly, the ex that I am really close friends with is the man with whom I think I have had the best balance. We share some interests and are interested in one another's separate interests enough to like hearing about them but not enough to want to do them together. I like hearing him talk about music but have no interest in picking up an instrument so that I can play with him. He likes hearing my views on foreign policy, but does not feel the need to attend lectures with me.

For me, that's the ideal. Unfortunately, he and I did not work out for other reasons and we are really much better friends than we were lovers. But I now feel like I have a good idea of how much I would like to have in common with the men in my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 11:11am
It all depends on the person and what they care most about. Like a part girl is just not for me. I have actually tried that before, I wanted to spend time with her and she wanted to party, so that didn't work out. I am athletic and I do enjoy to play sports, but I could care less about my future girlfriend and if she plays sports or not. You never know who your going to fall in love with. We can analyze this or that, but it all comes down to are two people willing to commit themselves together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2005
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 3:50pm

i think relationships fare better if you have more in common than not in common.
opposites attract is just a statement that we have addapted to relationships.

My sister dated one dude that was totally polar oopsite ...she dumped him. later on she met a man , now her hubby for many years and they have plenty in common.
same with my Brother and his second wife...lots in common.
I may be next...just met a nice gentleman whom i have been discovering we have plenty in common and plenty not in common that we can get enough alone time and still connect well.

IF you focus too much on finding that person that it totally opposite of you...you will regret it once you have a relationship with them. You have to have common ground to be able to share together in the same events and family functions.