Do we take advantage of our lives?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Do we take advantage of our lives?
5
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 10:11pm

Do we ever really appreciate the different stages of our lives or do we focus so much on what we want and don't have that we're setting ourselves up? I look back at my life in my twenties, I am 30 now and I see a lot of growing up. I was so focused on my career and then finding the right man, that I am not sure I appreciated what I really had at that time. I am a little older and have realized(finally) that I actually enjoy being single, so why did I trick myself into thinking that I needed a man to make myself happy?? I guess you can say that I grew up and realized I don't need a man, which is great. So I started to think, if we take advantage of our lives and don't appreciate each stage, will we look back with regret? Will we feel that we cheated ourseles because we did not see it for what it was and now it is too late??? To be honest, my 20s were simply difficult to say the least, so I don't feel like I missed out on anything and quite frankly, I am glad they are over. But are we setting ourselves up for regret if we do not appreciate what we have at this time in our lives, meaning the right now period??? I don't want to look back in five to ten years when I am married with children and think, "Why were you so worried? You totally missed the great and wonderful things about being single and young!"

Wake up and enjoy what you have, right now, so there will never be any regrets!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 4:38am
This is a great attitude to have and the kind of attitude that I need to take. I keep trying to work on that, but for some reason just havent' really let that kind of acceptance sink in. How did you get to this point and do you feel this much at peace on most days? I guess I know that obviously I'm tired of being worried about that part of my life and maybe I just need to get so sick and tired of worrying about it that I finally just give in for good and just let it go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 9:14am

Honestly, I do not know how I got to this point. It might be due to being a little older and wiser, but I am not sure really. It was not a conscious decision I made to change. About two years ago, I went through my own personal hell. My career was not working for me, my love life was in shambles.... It was one of the worst times of my life because somebody I reallly, really cared for did not return those feelings and a "friend" at work back-stabbed me because she wanted my job and she got it. For about a year I was a mess. So I guess looking back, it changed my life. My life was not going the way I wanted it to, like I was working against this force that was saying, "Do something different!!", so I went back to school and decided to change my career. Now I am still doing the same job as before(advertising) because it is getting me through the three + years of grad school that I need. So making the decision to change something in my life, really helped me because before that, I felt "stuck". To be honest, ever since that change, I don't worry about my love life anymore. I think I was trying so hard to find that great love for myself because it was the next step in my life. I was trying to force it, when it obviously was not my time.

So now, I still date, but it is not with that "desperate search" like I had before. If I meet somebody, great. If not, then I will one day. But I don't feel that panic anymore like I used to. And I have also decided if I do not meet that great guy for me in the next nine years, I am going to have a child by myself. So I have this back-up plan now, too. I guess what I am saying, is that you have to be honest with yourself. Are you doing the career you really want? Is there anything you ever wanted to change, but was too scared to do it? If so, then my advice would be to keep working on yourself, because when you are finally okay with you, then you might be more okay with being at peace with being alone, just for the time being. Can't say this will work for everyone, but it worked for me.

Another thing that helped me was dating an a**hole this past year. He was something else and he is still trying to pull me back into that mess. So when you are with somebody who is not worth it, you realize that it is really better to be alone then with the wrong man, because you really can be more miserable. I learned that I honestly(and I mean this, too) would rather be alone, then with the WRONG man for the rest of my life. Seriously.

I hope this helped!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 12:20pm

I can honestly say that I am taking fulla dvantage of every opportunity that comes my way. I am doing whatever I want and everything I want right now just to make sure I have a full range of expereiences and no regrets.

There is few things I'm actually denying myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 6:41pm

It's amazing how hitting bottom can really help you gain perspective! I'm going to be 24 soon and a few months ago I went through the hardest time of my life yet. I lost my job and a month later my boyfriend. Both things were not contributing to the 'best me'. My job was a stressful hell that left me burnout and with little desire to work as hard as I could. My boyfriend was nice, but our personalities and goals were just so different, and I couldn't picture myself staying married to him for more than couple years (he did have the ring, but hadn't gotten around to asking, thank goodness). Everything that happened was truly a blessing and now I'm focusing on me, and the relationship I have with myself.

It's only been about 3 months since the break up and I've done some dating but just haven't been interested in anything serious. I'm learning what I want and what I don't want, and I don't want to settle just for the sake of the pressure I sometimes feel by society.

I get my daily satisfaction from my job, co-workers, family, and close friends. I picked up a fun part-time job that really allows me to interact with people and I get satisfaction from that too. It's all about what makes your soul feel happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 11:38pm
Great insight and encouragement. Thanks for sharing :).