Do You Like Going Solo?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Do You Like Going Solo?
35
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 3:23pm
How do you feel about not being in a serious relationship? Does it bother you if you don't have a date? Can you enjoy your life without having a man in your life?
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 9:59am

I didn't expect a lecture from you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 11:03am
For the most part I don't mind being single. Sometimes I am lonely for companionship, usually at that time of the month.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 12:50pm
Great post - I couldn't have said it better myself. I love your fish-net metaphor. :) So true.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 1:06pm

I was single (not in a relationship) for 7 years. After I got my "mad" out, I LOVED being on my own. I could go away when I wanted, not have to check in with anyone - except mom and that was out of courtesy to her.


I used to have "date night" with myself almost every weekend. Dinner and a movie.


Now I'm in a relationship and it hasn't really changed. I still do what I want, and he does what he wants. Saturday night was poker night for him and his buddies, and poker widows' night for me and my best friend. We respect each other's space and value the time we spend together.


The only time I was ever resentful was when I was livng in Texas. My co-workers would always ask me if I had joined a singles' group at a church or if I had started attending church so I could "get out more".


I didn't resent being single, I resented their insinuation that since I was single, I was half a person. On the other hand, they were only trying to help me adjust and not be so lonely since the only people I knew were the ones I worked with. I just think they went about it the wrong way.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 1:19pm

>>Now I'm in a relationship and it hasn't really changed. I still do what I want, and he does what he wants. Saturday night was poker night for him and his buddies, and poker widows' night for me and my best friend. We respect each other's space and value the time we spend together.<<

When I hear single people say that having freedom to "do what they want" is the best thing about being single, I think of couples like you. It IS possible to be in a relationship and still have freedom - it's just a matter of defining the ground rules with your significant other. I'm glad you posted this.

Yes, I am fine with being single and enjoy my freedom - but, as Shy said so well, I would *prefer* to have a good relationship and still enjoy the same interests and activities as I do now.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 1:27pm

I didn't think you meant me :) I was just saying that in general, other people have no right to tell you how to live your life.

You betcha you're an adult, and you are wise to follow your own path.

Callie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 1:33pm

I enjoyed reading everyone's postings/opinions and find it wonderful and refreshing that most women are living the life they choose without worry about what everyone else thinks.

For those dear friends who are still looking for, and dreaming of Mr. Right, may his path cross your's very soon, and may you find the love you're seeking.

In this day and age, women don't have to settle for marriage just because it's what society sanctions. And for that matter, who the heck is "society" anyway? :)

Thank you all for your wonderful replies!

Callie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 5:23pm

>>When I hear single people say that having freedom to "do what they want" is the best thing about being single, I think of couples like you. It IS possible to be in a relationship and still have freedom - it's just a matter of defining the ground rules with your significant other.

I think, though, from looking at a lot of my girl friends who are almost constantly in relationships versus the ones that are often single, the ones that are single more tend to be more independent when IN relationships, to still do what they want and let their partner do what he or she wants. Obviously not a hard and fast rule, just an observation. I feel like being single teaches you how to be ok on your own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 6:08pm

>> I feel like being single teaches you how to be ok on your own.

Absolutely. The sort you described (in perpetual 'relationship' since age 15, because they can't exist any other way) lose their identities and develop co dependent personalities. Also, following divorces or bereavement from the death of a spouse later in life they find it very hard to cope.

Dependence is very bad, and I don't mean just in relationships. If you have to depend on any anybody or anything (even it's the govt.) for whatever, you are putting yourself in a weak position. Look at Hurricane Katrina. People waited for the GOVT to come and help them (when has the govt ever done anything right ??) when they could have just as easily left on their own, and they paid for it with their lives.




Edited 6/25/2007 6:28 pm ET by fruitedplain
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 6:43pm

>>I feel like being single teaches you how to be ok on your own.<<

I totally agree. I have a friend who will break up with someone and have a new guy within the week, and she's been doing that since high school. I feel like she has never truly had to 'sit with herself' long enough to even figure out who she is - let alone know who would truly make a good partner for her. She morphs too easily to become whatever the new guy likes and adopts his interests as her own.

While I am all for learning to like new things from your partner in a relationship, I don't think it's healthy to automatically adopt everything the other person likes. At least a few separate interests keep a relationship interesting -- gives you something to talk about when you come back together as a couple.

AJ, enjoying life with C.