Do you have a "best friend" to talk to?
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| Wed, 03-21-2007 - 12:13am |
Do you have at least one person in your life that you can trust and share your life experiances?
You know, someone you can talk to about virtually anything, and they will listen. Someone you can call and talk about your day, vent your frustrations, cry on thier shoulder, or feel comfortable telling your deep dark secrets such as what is killing you inside?
For some reason, I have just not been able to find a friend like that. So evertything over the years just builds up inside.
I have friends at work that I get along with, and the ones that I hang out with are not really the kind of people you can go to to talk about issues. Nice enough people, but not anyone I feel comfortable going to when I really need someone to talk to about anything personal.
If you have ever been in the position, you know that it is very hard to keep everything inside. If I ever do find a friend that I am that comfortable with, I could let so many years of tension go. I would probably end up crushing to tears (Yes some men do that LOL)
I have thought about going to a counselor, but I'm just not comfortable going to someone who I've never even seen before just to talk about personal things.
Is anyone else in this situation? It has gotten very hard for me over the years to just keep everything inside.

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I have known my best friend since we were babies.
*sigh* Yeah I used to, but he's gone from my life for the most part.
I had a guy friend, strictly platonic, whom I had known for 15 years since we were 19 years old. At that time in our lives, we were very similar and we'd vent to each other, hang out all the time, cry on each other's shoulders, and so forth.
But now, as of about two years ago, things have changed so much. I went back to school and stopped drinking and doing recreational drugs and he hasn't. I don't judge him on that because it was MY decision to clean up and start a new, better life, and he is still right where he was. I guess it was HIM who decided we couldn't be friends anymore, so now I very rarely hear from him.
I'm sad about that, because no one understood me the way he did. And I come around to these boards but I don't get the same feeling that I did with him. And it's just not the same thing.
I've also thought about going to a counselor, but honestly, I just want someone to TALK to sometimes!
I have two or three close girlfriends. I will tell one some things, another maybe things that are of a slightly more personal nature, then there's one that I know I can tell almost anything and she won't judge me for it.
Counselors don't expect you to come into their office on the first day and let everything out at once. There's a getting to know one another period of sorts. If you find that you don't feel comfortable with one counselor in particular, you can always migrate around until you find a good fit.
The boards are great for some things, but I have found that it just isn't the same as having someone on the line or sitting across from you. Also, sometimes you don't get any responses or don't like the responses you do get and that can make you feel even cruddier. Although, that is a rarity.
Seeking out therapy is not anything to be ashamed of, it's very healthy. It's also nice to have an unbiased, professional opinion.
Hey-
I can relate to your whole situation.....dating and friendship.
I'm 32 and still experiencing the dating world. Like you and others, I'd like to be married some day and have children. I figured it would have happened by now. Like you and others, I have qualities guys would appreciate: likes sports, easygoing, likes kids, has a fun job, can carry on a conversation, etc. I go on dates and act like myself. It's frustrating when you are rejected. You'd like to know why but sometimes a reason isn't given. Anyway, I keep plugging away.
I do have friends, too. And, it's always good to have one where you can talk to about anything.
Keep plugging away. Your time will come some day.
Feel free to contact me by clicking on email under my username.
Steelergal
Thanks for all the replies.
You all seem like a very nice bunch, and it is nice to finally be able to find a place where I can come and chat and ask questions without being made fun of or knocked down.
I look forward to getting aquainted and chatting with all of you. Hope you all enjoy your day!
I LOVE my therapist and while I've gone to therapy most of my life (as a child for family stuff and as an adult for family stuff! :p ) it wasn't until I found this lady almost 3 years ago that I've learned more about myself and moved toward getting healthy. I have girlfriends to talk to but as good girlfriends shouldn't - they don't offer ways to fix myself - they just love me! My therapist is constantly helping me see ways to better who I am! I love that! I'm not depressed, I'm not on anti-depressants, I wasn't sexual or physically abused, I'm not in an abusive relationship, I don't have any of the primary reasons to attend therapy - I go because I LOVE IT!
I love learning more about myself and how to improve who I am! And I finally found a therapist that is HELPFUL! I've had therapists that just listened and maybe at the time that was all I needed - but looking back I think - dang... they didn't challenge me and sure didn't move me forward. In just 3 years this therapist has presented things to me in a way that makes sense - it's not been easy and working through some of it has been CRAZY hard - but it feels good to "see" things, I might have never addressed without her.
My problem is making sure I don't become too reliant on my therapist! :p There are times where I'm like "oh oh I need to go talk to X about this and get her take and learn how to handle it better" and it's like... I HAVE all the answers inside me - sometimes I have to stop and try to figure them out for myself!
Friendships seem so much harder at this age. People have a very clear idea of who they are and that makes it harder to mesh with just anyone. People are busy and in my experience many are not as willing to put the effort into friendships. And as hard a time as I have with it - I can't seem to let go of bad friendships! :p
>>>You know, someone you can talk to about virtually anything, and they will listen. Someone you can call and talk about your day, vent your frustrations, cry on thier shoulder, or feel comfortable telling your deep dark secrets such as what is killing you inside?<<<
Not really, but that doesn't bother me. I'm a guy, and guys don't value their friendship on how "close" they are. They do it on how much fun they have together. It doesn't matter if we don't reveal our secrets or cry on their shoulder. It's still a friendship if we have a blast once a week. Likewise, it doesn't matter how much we reveal our secrets or cry on eachother's shoulder. It's not a friendship if we don't have a good time aftewrards.
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