Do you see it happening?
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Do you see it happening?
| Tue, 05-15-2007 - 11:09pm |
I kinda realized today....I can't actually picture "it" happening for me.
| Tue, 05-15-2007 - 11:09pm |
I kinda realized today....I can't actually picture "it" happening for me.
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I observed two middle aged women tonight and thought: "Is this what lies ahead of me?" We were all three exiting a group of local eateries. There were three lanes. I was in the middle and the two of them were on opposite sides of me. They were yelling back and forth at one another. Obviously, they had just had dinner together.
They were both in their late 40's to early 50's, both looked "low maintenance" but nice enough, both were in older but decent vehicles. One of them headed straight for a condominium complex across the street. I lived in a condo for close to five years and most folks there were single. I don't know, they just screamed "single".
The only reason I mentioned their cars is, it seems, these days, most married people don't hold onto cars for very long. They'll trade them in after a handful of years. When I still had my '93 Honda, I swore I had the oldest car on the road. I know my father keeps my mother's car pretty up to date, as does my brother and brother-in-law; just something I've observed. Plus, it was later, around 9 PM. They may have had families at home, but it seems *most* people around this age get together as couples, if they are married. Maybe it's just me.
Anyway, I was instantly contemplating. I thought, would that be enough for me? To have a couple of chums that I get together with on occasion. Honestly, if there are a couple of single broads around to vacation with or get together with once or twice a week, I think I'd be okay. We're all going to die alone anyway. If I found myself completely alone at that age ie no single friends to pal around with, I think I'd go crazy.
Yes, I think about it. Sometimes it's a melancholy thought and sometimes I just don't care. I suppose I'm a realist of sorts. To tell myself that I am definitely going to be married with children some day, living the American dream, when there is a chance that I will not, well, it seems like I would be lying to myself to a certain degree.
Edited 5/16/2007 12:57 pm ET by cfk_3
I picture it happening for me.
Smile,
Deirdre
Hi Shywon
I used to think it would happen to me. That was when I was in my 20's and early 30's b/c everything else in my life just happened naturally and appropriately. I came to the US at age 12 and didn't know a word of English. People told me I'd learn just like drinking and eating. I did learn. Then I progressed through school and higher ed just as expected b/c I applied myself. Well, then I thought meeting someone and getting married would just happen too, as with everything else. By the time I reached my late 30's and many heartbreaks later, I came to term with the possibility that it may never happen and I can't even picture it happening either. I still believe it will happen but reality is so discouraging b/c everytime I fell for someone, I was met with rejection. So how can one keep on trying and picture success when it never happened before. It just doesn't make sense b/c when I look at myself and what I've done in my life, I keep thinking why wouldn't anyone wonderful want me but they don't.
I don't know if thinking it so will make it happen but there are many witnesses and books attesting to the power of (for lack of better word) positive thinking. It's actually more than empty postive thinking, it comes from a believe and from the thought of something is already happening, one changes one's perception and behavior leading to the desired outcome. You can start with affirmation even when you don't actually believe it. I have yet to see in work in my RS area. B/c according to the law of attraction, there's no God to punish or reward, only reap what you sow but the catch is, what you reap and sow doesn't apply to just this life but from many existences before (In short this goes back to the concept of karma) - which makes me think the reason it seems so impossible for me to find a mate could be due to my doing many bad things (i.e. breaking many hearts before) so now I'm still reaping what I sowed. Whereas in other areas of my life, I sowed good seeds so now I see results with appropriate effort.
Still it doesn't hurt to start with affirmations. There are many good books on the subject. And I definately believe that you can be thin if you want. It's so scientifically rooted that if you eat less and excercise you will lose wt. With love it's not always 1+1=2 although some great philosopher maintained it is so.
People always tell me that imagining a "win" (in whatever sense) helps you achieve it. Yet, with relationships, if you have never had a relationship that had long-term or life potential, you don't know what it feels like and it's really hard to picture it.
I feel that way a lot. I know it's possible and even likely that I'll meet someone and get married someday, but picturing that feels really foreign.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
I think you can see it because you are dating someone.
Hi cfk,
Oh, wow, I could be one of those middle aged women you saw. I had a similar experience at the art museum some time ago, looking at women alone in their 60s and 70s and thinking, "Will that be me?"
Terrifying.
Those women you saw are lucky they have someone to go to dinner with regularly. I've been divorced a really long time and have had years where there were friends and years when there weren't. I can tell you that not being married in our culture is difficult. As "modern" as we like to think we are, unmarried women are really just "extra" and don't fit in very well. And it doesn't get better with time, nor do you get used to it.
As to positive thinking, viusalization, attraction or "The Secret" I have mixed feelings about it. Yes, I believe in "As a man thinketh" and "Chance favors the prepared mind." Being mostly positive increases your chances and being negative keeps you from seeing opportunities. The problem for me with the law of attraction is that if the thing you keep trying to attract doesn't happen, or if bad things come into your life, then it's "your fault." That's just so harsh. I think there are many things beyond our control, really powerful things, don't beat yourself up because you haven't "found a man." I don't think we are helpless, or that we cannot choose many things, but I will tell you that when it comes to meeting a great guy, that's just out of your control.
By the way, I drive a new 2007 VW Beetle. :)
Anyway, to all of you young things on this board, I can tell you that being older and single in our culture is difficult. But finding an emotionally available man to marry is difficult too, and I truly believe there are far fewer around when you pass the age of 35. I know, I know, many will say that's negative, but sorry, this is my observation. And it's not just me who says this.
I would like to suggest two very good books on the topic of single women, one is "With or Without a Man" and the other is "Women Living Single." Available on Amazon.
Oh, and about the weight loss thing: I saw a fascinating show on PBS about people who were trying to lose weight. They were very heavy and many had bypass surgery. They know as we all do that if you eat less and exercise that you'll lose weight, but there were also doctors on the program who were discussing why some people really can't seem to lose weight. They felt it could be genetics or physiological. Again, those forces in your life that you can do little about. The other thing that struck me was one particularly anguished woman who talked about how hard it is to keep at it when you have been met with so much failure, trying to lose weight over and over again. I was struck at how much her struggles sounded like mine in terms of trying to meet a man. There is so much failure that it is hard to keep trying. Anyway, it was interesting.
OK, that's my two cents. --FG
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