Does he like me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Does he like me?
33
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 11:58am
Ok, so 2 months ago, I met this guy (Kyle). My best friend had just started dating her boyfriend and it was his best friend that I met. They introduced us in hopes of us hitting it off. From day one, we totally clicked. When the night ended, my friend said, wow, I could totally tell you guys were hitting it off in there. So the next night, we went to my friends boyfriends place as he was having some friends over. Kyle happened to be there. And we were all having a good time and drinking. He doesn't drink all that often, so a few drinks got him drunk. 3am rolls around and I called a cab to go home. He told me to stay to hang out with him some more, so I did, cause I really liked him. So we stayed up from about 3am to 7am talking. He was of course drunk, as was I. But he eventually told me to lie with him on the couch, which I did. And we fell asleep together. He was very affectionate the whole night and seemed really interested. If its because he was drunk, I'm not sure. When his friend asked him what happened between us the next day, he said well, I didn't make any moves cause I was too drunk...assuming he would have if he hadn't been drunk. But hes a really decent guy and is not a player of any sort. So, I have seen him about once in a while since we first met because of my bestfriend and his bestfriend. Hes really sweet and nice. But the other night, I sort of wondered why he was acting different. He was kind of quiet and it was the 4 of us hanging out...and we were just being friends. We were going to go rent a movie and he called up a buddy of his and went over to his place, leaving me to be the third wheel. I really dont think he thought anything of it, but I was really disappointed and I felt, well if he acutally liked me he would have stuck around. His friends always joke about him never making moves on girls and he hasn't had a girlfriend in about a year or so. In that respect he is sort of shy I think. So, I saw him the other night again and he was constantly asking me questions about what I have been up to etc and seemed really interested. I am so confused. Maybe he thinks I am not interested in him. I want to ask him for his #, but I want to do it in person when no one else is around. I do not want to get it from his best friend. My friends bf asked him if it would be ok if I called him sometime and he said yeah, sure. I wish he would make a move, but I don't think he is like that. So, does it sound like he likes me?? I get mixed feelings and would really love to know what hes thinking. I am going to be seeing him on friday night for this Halloween thing. I have full intention of asking him out for the saturday night to go see a movie or something. I have a feeling he gets scared off easily, so I am playing it safe. Anyone have any advice for me? I am constantly thinking about this guy ever since the first night we met and we just totally click. I think he may be afraid to admit it. He has told me that he has had some not so great girlfriends in the past...so, maybe thats why hes sort of standoffish sometimes. Please, advice...desperately needed by friday...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 12:15pm
I think maybe your thinking it out too much...just do what you feel. It sound like you really like this guy..so give him a call. I wouldn't give him a full court press...but it certainly wouldn't huts to ask him if he wanted to go to a movie or have some dinner. The worst he could say is NO. I know NO is scary...but if you never ask you will always wonder...and that is worse than NO. And your not committing to be his girlfriend..it's just dinner or a movie...just take it one step at a time. Just enjoy it for what it is! Dating should be fun...not give you and ulcer! :o) Good Luck!

Heather
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 12:35pm
i agree with cuddlebug: you're analysing things way too much.

from that long paragraph you just wrote, it doesn't sound like he made one active romantic gesture toward you. for now, i'd just go on assuming he's not interested and leave it at that. hey, its his loss, not yours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 2:24pm
I do agree that I am over analyzing things. I tend to do that when I like a guy. I just sit here and think about it and worry about every little thing. So I guess I will try to cool it in that respect. He has made romantic gestures towards me. The night we stayed up all night together, he made the moves on me...I didn't make any moves on him....he initiated everything. So thats the only thing that has me thinking there was something there between us. I am going to ask him out just because I would rather do that instead of always wondering "what if." And I always sort of assume the worst just cause it saves me from being let down. So, right now, I just let myself think he is going to say no. Then it won't be as bad if he does and it will be really great if he says yes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 3:37pm
He's not afraid - he's just not that into you - and perhaps his vision is of a girl that he courts - that he calls in advance and takes out in public just the two of them - and things proceed in the traditional sense - he might be uncomfortable with getting involved with a girl who would get drunk and go back to his place with him - beyond a sort of friendly fling - double standard - could be but that could be part of his thinking - I know I would not see potential for a relationship in a man who got that drunk and wanted to come to my place the first night he met me - I would doubt his judgment, common sense, maturity - and are first impressions always right - no - but they do count for alot to some people and he may be looking for the ivory girl next door.

Please don't take it personally and please don't involve his friends in this - a guy who is truly interested and available will call you in advance for a date, plan the date and take you out -whether expensive or inexpensive, and treat you like a lady.

My other suggestion - don't get drunk anymore and if you do don't go to a man's place. There are many many other ways to have fun other than getting drunk, believe me and it will lead you to justify behavior which also is not healthy.

You're probably thinking about him because he is a challenge - you don't really know him at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 4:19pm
Well, I think you are missing some of the story. I was sober by the time we were together and we were both at his friends place. He was still "under the influence" at that point and I was sober. He didn't want to go home cause he wasn't ok to drive and my best friend told me to stay over cause she didn't want me taking a cab home alone. We were sitting talking for 4 hours and then all we did was fall asleep together and cuddled all night. So, yeah, I didn't go back to his place and we talked deeply most of the night anyways. I never hook up with guys when I am drunk...thats not like me and thats not like him either. We both rarely drink.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 5:13pm
I'm going to be totally harsh here. Ignoe him. Don't ask him out. Don't ask for his phone number. Make friends with other people at the Halloween party you are going to. If he is interested he will approach you. If you see him act like he is a buddy. A pal that you have hung out with a couple of times. I am guessing that is what it will end up being. You sound younger. At least early twenties. Don't take him too seriously. He was drunk and people can be very affectionate when they are drunk when there is someone else there to be affectionate too. That's why they call them beer goggles. Get over him and move on. Just like Deena said, if he really likes you he will find a way to get your number even if he has to ask you for it and he will call you and ask you out for a proper date to get to know you. And he will give you enough notice so that you can plan it and not drop everything to hang out with him. He knows you like him so why does he have to try anymore?

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 5:33pm
You met him while you were drunk and cuddled with him for hours - none of this means he is interested in a relationship with you - and nothing else you described indicates that. I never understand the "well he must be scared" excuse - even if he was - if he was truly interested he would tell you that the reason he was not pursuing something was because he was scared - because he would not want to let a special person slip through his fingers. If he is that scared that the only time he can communicate with you is when he's drunk, do you really want to be with a person like that - how will you know if you can rely on anything he says? Find activities that do not involve alcohol or bars.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 5:57pm
Well, when I saw him last week, I tried the whole ignoring thing...paying less attention to him than I normally would. I could tell he was quite suprised by my change of behaviour...the look on his face said it all. He talked to me the rest of the night non stop. So maybe I will try it again on friday. I want to get a feel for if it he interested or not in a social setting. Cause usually that is a good indication. There will be lots of friends there, so if he pays particular attention to me, then that says something. If I am feeling the vibe, I will ask him out. If not, I won't ask him out. I am the type of person that needs to take a chance and not let something like this pass by. If I get rejected, its not the end of the world. His friends tell me that he never knows a good girl when he sees one. Apparently he is quite blinded for some reason and afraid of girls. I will keep you posted as to what happens on friday. Any more advice? Anything will help...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 8:06pm
Calgarygirl-

I know some of the posts have been harsh...but I think maybe some of them come from past frustration. I think you might be a little younger than the rest of us (though I'm not that old, but have my fair share of battle scars). I think you should go for it...just remember not to put the cart before the horse. It sounds a little to me like you might be making a maistake that we all have made - probably more than once. Sometimes when we like a guy...not just like a guy...but really L...I...K...E... a guy we can get a little infatuated with him. Especially if it has been a while since we last had a signifiant other and are feeling a little lonely. So we obsess a little / or a lot. And we begin to future plan. So instead of thinking of it as one fun date, we begin to fantasize about several dates, our wedding, our 1st name with his last, the home we will buy together, the children we will have, ect... Now it sounds to me like you might be falling into this trap. So my suggestion is to RELAX!!! Remember dating is FUN!!! There are like 7 Billion people on the planet and 1/2 of them are men...that is a lot of men to date! So if this one doesn't work out there is another one right around the corner. I know it doesn't make it any easier, because you like this one...but look at me...I am 27 and getting divorced from the man I though was my 1 and only soul mate...I have to believe there is someone else out there waiting for me...and I know there is someone perfect out there waiting for you...or maybe 50 perfect someones. Who knows maybe someone at the party will blow your socks off...remember dating is trying people on until you find the perfect fit...and the more people you date the more you find out about what you truly want in a mate and the more you find out about yourself! Good Luck!

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 9:47pm
Yes. You've done more than enough pursuing, don't ask him out, if he is truly interested he will ask you out - there will be no need for signs, and as far as what your friends say that is pure speculation - for all you know he is either not interested in dating anyone or hasn't met anyone who truly turns him on and he doesn't want to date just to date. He knows how to find you and being around him is not going to change his mind unless you are around him because he called you, asked you out and planned a proper date.

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