Does a mans looks count or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Does a mans looks count or not?
42
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 3:35pm

I hate to sound bitter, but why do women say this all the time? That looks don't matter as much as guys think, yet they swoon over gorgeous guys like crazy! I mean why else were women so excited to see brad pitt in troy? Why else do women go crazy watching a chippendale dancer? I even read an article about a women describing the pitfalls of dating a gorgeous man, one was that he was constantly being chased by other women.

(http://www.nypost.com/seven/04222007/entertainment/dating/why_i_love__and_hate__dating_a_gorgeous_guy_dating_maggie_kim.htm)

Guys didn't just come up with the idea of women liking gorgeous men just like that you know. You see it everyday in society.

The same goes for money. I mean girls literally fall over guys with money. Yet most women will continue to say that they don't want a guy with a lot of money, but only financial stability.

So ladies what gives?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 7:31am

My take at 52

Looks are important to me to an extent. More importantly is how they take care of what they have. Especially at this age group.

As far as money, all I ask that they are employed somehow and have something to show for their years at work. I've met too many guys that are "self-employed" (aka, carpenter with a hammer in their back pocket), living with a relative or possess absolutely no assets whatsoever. That bothers me. On the other hand I've met guys that possess alot, but have no true substance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 10:40am

First of all, I'm new on this particular board (though I don't know why since I've been single for three years), so hello.

Second, the way I like to put it is that "looks" don't matter, but attraction most crtainly does, and anyone who tells you otherwise is, well, lying. I've dated some very attractive guys, I don't know, once or twice, but I wasn't attracted to them. Quite frankly, I'd probably cut Brad Pitt off after a date or two (perhaps this is why I seem unattainable, haha ;) )...I just don't see what the fuss is about. Stereotypical, societal standards of good looks don't mean much to most women, unless they're the same shallow gold-diggers that would go after a man's money (some of the women some not-so-good-looking athletes wind up with....seriously, they would not BE with him if he weren't rich and I don't respect either the man or the woman in such cases...and people wonder why divorce is so common). I really don't care how much money a man has, as long as he has a good job that he's happy in and makes enough money to support himself, I can take care of my own life, even if we're together. Of course, I'm fiercely independent, so that might have something to do with that. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 11:43am

"This is one 36 y old woman's point of view:

Re: looks - sorry but 100% totally most definitely yes, it is EXTREMELY important to me, I have a certain 'type' that I go for and no matter how amazing the man is in all other respects if he does not have that look (absolutely gorgeous to me and probably repulsive to many: think Tommy Lee of Motley Crue or very similar), I simply am not interested, period, end of story.

Re: money - absolutely do not care whatsoever. Never did, never will. I don't care how much he has in the bank, what he does for a job (in case he has one), where he lives, what he drives (if anything)etc etc etc. I just want him to be gorgeous in my sort of way, decent, kind, and feel the same for me. End of story."

This is how I am at this point and I'm 23. I'm finding it hard though, I mean I think maybe I need to be open a more variety in the looks department somehow because otherwise I'm not sure I'll ever meet someone. It's so hard though, for so many guys it seems they are nice, we have good conversation but that attraction just is not there and I feel like I really do need that to keep pursuing him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 11:58am
I feel the SAME way...I tend to think also, though, that we think we're the anomalies, but that more people have the same problem. I told a friend of mine my feelings and situation, and her response was, "I think that's the way it is for everyone though." Everyone, of course, isn't really true, but maybe a lot more people than you think...plus I think a LOT of people, especially our age, are settling, which I refuse to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2005
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 1:05pm
I was actually just talking to my friend about this, and I mentioned that it's been such a long time since I've met a guy who has been able to crack me up like there's no tomorrow. So I think humor and an easy going personality makes a guy attractive. Like my mom always tell me, people age and looks are not forever. Besides, I never fall for a guy at first glance. It's always after talking to them that I find an attraction.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 1:35pm

What gives is, you are stereotyping. You're throwing us all into the same pot. I personally am not very attracted to Brad Pitt and never saw Troy. Wasn't that a box office disappointment for his production company? I am thinking it was ...

Nor do I care A THING about seeing a greased up, most likely, gay, man take off all but his glorified Speedos. I hired a male stripper for my best friends bach-ette party a few years ago and while he was relatively handsome, he still made me a little queasy for some reason. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. No pun intended.

Where money is concerned, I think you will find that most of the women on this board only ask for someone who makes comparable to what they earn, myself included. If he makes more, that's a bonus, but isn't imperative.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 3:49am

Actually Troy grossed more than 100 million dollars in the US, so no it didn't bomb at the box-office. And I don't think I'm stereotyping. I mean I asked this question because women do swoon over good looking men all the time. I've never seen a good looking man have trouble finding women.

BUt I'm really just asking why women say that looks don't count when they clearly do (same goes for money)? I mean its pretty common to see the nice guy get pushed aside by a girl or relegated as a "friend" while the more good looking guy, or the one who has more money, or heck the bad boy who doesn't even treat her right get all the girls. And I doubt any of you don't know what I'm talking about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 4:15am

You sound pretty bitter.

Not that that's a sin or anything. I'm bitter and cynical, myself.

But seriously. Physical attractiveness is 1) completely relative, and 2) goes both ways. Men and women are EQUALLY guilty of this; women might turn their heads at a good-looking guy, but men ogle beautiful women all the time, too.

Before you can get to know a person, looks and basic observations are all you have to go on. Once you DO get to know the person, looks play less of an important role. If you think a person is hot at the start, but they turn out to be a jerk, they become much less attractive to you. Alternatively, you may not initially find someone to be very good-looking, but if they have an outstanding personality, or are just in general a very interesting, well-rounded person, you may begin to change your mind about their looks.

Also remember what I said about attractiveness being relative. What one person likes, might be a complete turn-off for somebody else.

As for money...I don't know ANY mature females who require a man to be insanely wealthy in order to find him attractive. The fact that a man has money is simply an indicator of qualities that are attractive...having money generally means he has a job, which is a VERY big bonus. It means he isn't a lazy sod. He has goals and ambitions for his life, is responsible, etc.

Bad boys? I am really sick of all these self-proclaimed good guys whining about how the nice guys finish last. Girls may not give the nice guys a thought, because they spend all their time on the sidelines! The "bad boys" are the ones who are putting themselves out there. Women won't know you're interested if you don't let them know. We aren't mind-readers.

Another peeve of mine is this business of "Why do WOMEN say looks don't matter, when they clearly do?" Do you date women you don't find attractive? Do you flirt with girls you don't find attractive? After all, no one likes a hypocrite.

- Colleen.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 7:01am

Actually, it made $133 million but cost $175 million to make. The "makers" expected it to do much better than it did, while critics panned it. --Wikipedia

Something about your writing style seems familiar . . . have you visited the board before?

Erm, maybe you can look up some threads authored by Redonculous. No offense, but both of these issues have been VERY heavily "discussed" and quite recently. Please understand if the ladies here are less than thrilled to oblige. I think the majority here would agree that we're quite uninterested in defending ourselves any further.

Good luck.




Edited 5/18/2007 7:12 am ET by cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 8:09am

>I mean its pretty common to see the nice guy get pushed aside by a girl or relegated as a "friend" while the more good looking guy, or the one who has more money, or heck the bad boy who doesn't even treat her right get all the girls.<

Yeah, well this happens to girls all the time. The nice girls who would never say a bad word about anyone get pushed aside for the hot girl who has her head up her ***.

It happens to everyone and that's life. People are shallow creatures. Don't tell me YOU wouldn't push aside a nice but plain girl if some hot girl came on to you.