Does this only happen to me?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Does this only happen to me?
13
Sun, 06-01-2003 - 10:44am
One of my biggest pet peeves is people who flake on plans. It irritates the heck outta me. Thursday, a friend of mine decided she wanted to get a tattoo Saturday night, and three of us said we'd go with her. She never called, so I called her and there was no one home and she never called back. It's not a huge deal, but how inconsiderate!

It seems like this happens a lot with these (married) friends. We also decided that we were going to go out Thursday night, but come Thursday, everyone either had other plans or just didn't want to go. Does this only happen to me? Are there real actual reliable people out there, and I just don't know them?

I've gotten used to it by now, so I'm not upset or anything, just irritated!

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-01-2003 - 2:16pm
Oh, this is a huge pet peeve of mine also! There are a *few* reliable people in the world besides you and me ;-), but they seem to be few and far between. I just don't understand WHY it is so hard to say what you mean and mean what you say!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-01-2003 - 3:55pm
Sadly, I must admit I just jammed on my best friend on fri. I had plans to go out w/other women and invited her along. I got home from work at 7:30pm, the other women jammed, and I ended up on a LD phone call for 2 hrs. It was only 9:30pm...but I knew the only two things my friend and I do are: go to a bar & hang out at her house. Since I didn't want to do either...I just rode my bike 30km...I had no intention of cycling over to her house...and she kicks me out at like 10 or 11 ANYWAY...so I went to bed. I've tried calling her all w/end and she refuses to answer. I can understand. I've tried to make HER understand how unreasonable our friendship is...that we never do anything but hang out at bars or her house. All her other friends are married and expect her to go to their place...but that ain't my fault! And movies? Well...thats what she does with dates so we can't do that. She doesn't like sports. She doesn't eat so we can never go to lunch/dinner/etc...unless its with one of her bf (so I can play buffer between them). So if I don't feel up to doing those two things and I don't want to feel guilty about it...I just don't call. Sad but true.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 06-01-2003 - 6:07pm
The more I think about it, the more ticked I get. I don't understand what is so hard about keeping your word. I'm sorry, Go, but flaking is never excusable unless there is an emergency. Please tell me you at least called her and cancelled last night.

My best friend is the same way, except all she wants to do is go to bars and stare at men she'll never talk to. I hate bars anyway unless I'm with the right people (and she's not the right people), so I don't like going out with her. I've never flaked, though.

This and hormones are kicking in (yea for me) and I'm actually starting to tear up. Why do my "friends" always seem to do this to me? Makes a girl feel like crap, ya know? Like there's something wrong with me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Sun, 06-01-2003 - 7:45pm
i've had the same thing happen with a so called "friend" she's never there when i need her but if her and her b/f get in a fight and she wants to leave him she has the nerve to call a 3am...it became an every night thing and last summer i went throug bad breakup and she was never around, it was only a freind ship when it was convient for her so your not the only one i just stopped answering her phone calls and severed all contacts its not worth all the energy
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 06-01-2003 - 9:57pm
You are not alone. This has happend to me a lot. My 2 supposed best friends(they are engaged to eachother) ive known him since highschool. They were always canceling plans...usually because they were too tired to go out etc. I got fed up with it, so now i hang out with my brother on the weekends. Hes a lot more fun then they are and he rarely cancels. My friends and i got together a few weeks ago to see the Matrix, of course it was on their terms not mine. Had to be Friday nite(even though usually they concider that a work nite!!! and rarely go out) I went,,,went to their house afterwards, but i was bored with them! They are always sooo tired,,,it gets old after awhile. The most annoying thing that often happens is when my friend P goes away for the weekend with the guys....A is suddenly all alone,,,and calls wanting to go out. I used to take her up on her offers....now i wised up,,,and refuse to be someones time filler!!! These same friends called me today asking if I had a phone# of a friend of ours. They never asked how my cat was doing or nothing (we had to put her to sleep today) That really irked me.

About a month ago i had this happen with a girl at work. She was meeting us at a happy hour and we had plans to go to another bar afterwards. Well, people start leaving and a few want to go to another bar(not the bar we had planned on going too) she says count me in. I was so mad....she obviously could have cared less about me and our plans. Im usually very quiet laid back....so she was shocked when i called her a Beeatch and got in her face a bit. She apologized 10 times....didnt matter to me, she showed her true colors. Later she admitted she was following the crowd because she hasnt paid for her drinks in years and doesnt plan to start now!!!

Your not alone,,,,you just have to learn to deal with it. Its not easy i know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sun, 06-01-2003 - 10:29pm
I would do "the rules" on these friends who flake out. If they flake, dont' contact them for a while. Leave them be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 7:42am
Wow - this struck a chord in me - that happens all the time - with certain people - married and single - over the last few years - with some exceptions I have become more disciplined about it - I only make plans with reliable people - who have a great track record - and even if those aren't the people I always feel closest to, to be honest that reliability trait goes a long way. If someone is not reliable or becomes that way more than once or twice with lame excuses, I put the ball entirely in their court and let them know that - as in if they want to do something they need to call me - and if they do and I am wary of whether the plans will be kept, I make them on a night when I don't care if they don't work out. Also I've stopped staying in contact with a number of acquaintances who pulled the "yeah sure let's get together sometime" one too many times - I stop responding to emails, etc. Yes, I have some flexibility, but there is a limit. I feel for you!!!!
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 10:33am
See, that's the thing. I don't ask them to do things because I know they flake. I also almost never get a yes. However, they are the only friends I have here. It's kinda hard to cut myself off completely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 10:45am
here's somethin to try i know it's gonna sound wierd but i got over the unreliable friends by just goin out by myself it's odd at first, then ya get over it
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 12:45pm
NO! It happens to everyone! And it knows no gender or dating/married situation either.

I have a girlfriend that if we make plans 5 times, I might see her once. We live on opposite ends of town. She is really good at calling at 5 and telling me "K, see you at 7!" 7 comes and there I sit, alone, waiting for her. 7:30 and my phone rings, "I am SO sorry! I lost track of time and I just really don't feel like going out now! Another night, k?"

We have a guy friend who constantly wants to come over for dinner. And we constantly invite him. And he NEVER comes. And he NEVER calls. It's become a very pathetic joke.

To me, it's just disrespectful and shows a lack of integrity.

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