Don't wanna date...just wanna go for the life

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Don't wanna date...just wanna go for the life
7
Fri, 01-11-2013 - 5:53pm

After thinking on it if a good long while and not being able to really figure out WHY I don't wanna date... I may have just figured it out.  I really don't want to go thru the whole dating thing.  All the emotional turmoil..Oh I LIKE him...oops no 2nd date.  Wow, what a bad date...guess who is blowing up my phone?  Great guy, no chemistry...All chemistry and no real connection...whatever the case may be.

Can't I just start living my couple life without all the other crap?  

I know, I know.  It's stupid, silly, crazy...whatever.  I guess I am just in need of some serious human contact that isn't just friendly and platonic or of the kid/grandkid ilk.  

If confident, independent, financially stable, educated and reasonable women are not making the connection...what hope have I?

And when I look around at some of the people who are married or coupled and I wonder...Why NOT me?

Oh yeah...then I hear the lastest fight about his mom's nosiness or the garbage that didn't go out or his bowling league....and I STILL want the life but I :cringe: just a bit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I have this friend who used to say that she didn't want to date but she wanted to get married--she's over 60 now & has never been married.  I would look at her & say how do you expect to get to the pont of knowing if you want to marry someone without dating?  It's kind of impossible.  But I know what you mean--although sometimes it's a pain being single it's more steady--not as much emotional roller coaster.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Sat, 01-12-2013 - 11:09am

I'm with you on this one. I wish God would just find a perfect match for me voila, instant R/S. I like going on dates - with someone who likes you as much as you like him - I don't like the process of dating to find the best one. In the process someone always gets eliminated. I don't like competition. I'm the one percenter in the dating world, on the bottom 1% that is!

Enough of this self-pity. Beauty helps, charm helps. The more successful daters are the ones who is outgoing, the ones who have enough confidence to move from man to man if the man doesn't fit what she wants. Who is not emotionally needy. I'm successful in my career but emotionally not so.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Sat, 01-12-2013 - 11:13am
I don't think this is odd at all. It's like the women who say they don't want to be mom's but would love to be grandma's.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Sat, 01-12-2013 - 11:40am

I just don't know if I am going to have a tolerance for some of the things that comes with all of it.  Ya know?  I was chatting up a very nice guy at work until I found out he had *7* kids!  Okay, I just don't even want to know the back story...   And how would I be able to have a r/s in the bubble of not meeting kids/family/hearing about the ex?  Sure at first...but that's not realistic.  And it's not even fair of me because, although my ex's are not issues, I have 4 kids of my own. (and trust me, if crazy middle DD spots a strange car in my driveway - she's either stopping during daylight hours or texting if it's late!  I laugh but not sure that would go over so well with most guys)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Sat, 01-12-2013 - 11:55am

Until my last break up, being coupled was NOT a problem for me.  I was never long without male companionship.  I liked being the one to help problem solve, be a sounding board, etc, ad nauseum.  I still think I am pretty confident and outgoing when I want.  I am admitting that I am scared.  I have told ya'll before that the last one not only broke my heart but crushed my soul before he went away?

And I've gone out with a few guys here and there.  Did the FWB and ONS until I got sick of that merry go round too!

Now that I don't want to date just for the sake of dating but to actually end up in a real r/s..it's terrifying.  To have to trust?  Ack!  To give a hoot about someone else's priorities and needs?  Can I do that without losing myself in the process?  To not project my own baggage onto the situation?  About that... 

LOL!  It's crazy, I know.   Isn't there an OLD site for insta-relationships?  Just add water? (NOT liquor!)

I just want to come home to something(one) fun, safe and satisfying.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

How old is your DD?  Can you just tell her that your love life is really not her business?  At this point I don't even know how reslistic it is for me to have any kind of romantic life.  My son in 11th grade lives with me--it's not that he cares if I go out and he's old enough to drive now & has a car so I'm not in that stage any more of having to drivehim around, so dating would be fine.  But if I got involved with someone I don't know what I'd do about "sleeping over."  I don't think there is any way that I could have a guy stay over if he was home--it would be too embarrassing now that he's old enough to know what's going on.  When he was younger we used to have a schedule of him staying at his dad's every other Sat. but now it seems like they make their own plans & don't even tell me--now this is 2 Saturdays in a row that he's staying over and I didn't know about either one until the day of--so I'd have to find a guy who lived alone--or lived close by so I could call him for these unexpected moments.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Sat, 01-12-2013 - 12:17pm

She's 21 and lives 2minutes up the country road from me.  She's usually teasing me but it may be something I need to discuss with her should I be really serious about someone.  And I hear ya on having the kiddo home. My 20yo son moved home a number of months ago.  As I am not dating, it hasn't been an issue.  I did tell him when he first moved home that if he came home and there was a strange car in the driveway to just keep driving (to his sister's up the road)  That earned me eye rolls and gagging/retching sounds.

He very rarely stays overnight elsewhere so I have NO idea if I will have sleep overs here ever again.