dont wanna lie to myself/plz xplain 2 me

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2005
dont wanna lie to myself/plz xplain 2 me
7
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 1:58pm
so i've been hanging out with this guy for the past 6 mos or so. VERY casual. well, recently i read that eleanor roosevelt quote where it said "do something once a day that scares you". i think it was eleanor roosevelt, correct me if i'm wrong. anyway, so i kinda like this guy and i thought i'd put my feelings out there....that something i don't do and YES, it scares me. it has been 6 mos and its never been discussed so i'll do it. being the baby that i am, i emailed him this explanation of feelings. the situation is kind of complicated in the sense that we have been hanging out with other people and there is nothing exclusive. well, when i sent this email he knew that i was hanging out with my ex in a more serious manner than i had been. so i tell him that i had feelings for him more than a friend, as what i don't know, just more than a friend and he could do what he wanted with that knowledge. well, i didn't hear from him for a couple weeks (which was normal i was hanging out with my ex and the other guy--> the one i sent the email to had said he didn't think the thing w/my ex would work out, etc) so i sent him another message last week that told him he was right and the ex and i were no longer an item. he responded and said that was too bad and that if i wanted to hang out again we could, etc. then on the last line he says "by the way your last message was really sweet. thank you". now i don't have my head that far up my a$$, but that tells me the "feelings" aren't really recipricated now are they? i mean, if they were wouldn't he discuss the topic more or make an effort to see me. i haven't spoken w/him since last week. he went out of town last weekend and got back sunday or monday. you tell me so i can't continue to look at this through rose colored glasses. if he doesn't feel the same, i would like to just move on to someone else, but then he mentioned hanging out and i confuse.....errr um lie to myself and say that it means more than it really does. help?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 2:16pm
I think he wouldn't have addressed it at all if the feelings weren't reciprocated, BUT, only he knows what he is thinking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 2:20pm

I would come right out and ask him about ir. Don't rely on watching his actions and all that because that can be very misleading. I'd address the email directly and ask him how he felt about the things you said.

This could prevent running around in circles trying to decipher meaning in behavior like morse code into actual words.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 2:25pm

>i mean, if they were wouldn't he discuss the
>topic more or make an effort to see me

YES HE WOULD.

The end.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 2:34pm
i agree. i just needed someone else to point it out to me........obviously. thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 3:52pm
I have been through this one, too. Finally having the courage to tell a guy friend, that I wanted more. Although, mine went on for two years. Anyway, he did the same thing. Totally skipped the part and ignored there could be anything more than friendship, but would love to hang out more while still thanking you for the kind words. This was two years ago and nothing ever came of it. He could not and would not tell me he just wanted to be friends, yet wanted nothing more than friendship. These mixed messages is the coward's way of saying "I don't want to let you down". They say nothing which only confuses us girls more!!! Plus he is probably keeping his options open, but typically they never jump on it. My advice, move on before you get your heart broken. Take it from me, it's not easy to deal with either. If he was interested, he would have done something, anything really, a long time ago. I know it sucks....
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 5:50pm

I went through this in college. Mine was a five-year crush (yeah, yeah, I know -- this was years ago though). I poured out my heart in a letter. Thankfully, he responded in a kind way, but said "I don't think of you that way." We're still good friends to this day, and I'm friends with his wife.

I guess my feeling is, if something hasn't happened in that many years, it's not going to. But, it did feel good to put the feelings out there so I could finally move on.

I've also been the one to do the "letting down easy" -- once with another guy in college and once just last year with good guy friends of mine. It stinks to be on either side of that situation.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 6:34pm

You're right in that you know what it means.