Don't You Love It When . . .

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Don't You Love It When . . .
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 10:19pm

. . . you are all set for a good sulk but then that always rational inner voice starts chattering inside of your head, telling you that you don't deserve to sit around feeling sorry for yourself?  LOL.

We had a large family gathering tonight and met my brother's new GF for the first "official" time.  She's perfect.  No, seriously, there is nothing wrong with her.  She's like a size 2, she's incredibly sweet, drives a BMW is a successful competitive ballroom dancer and business manager (she actually runs five businesses).  Plus, she is helping raise her two nieces, one of whom, has a disability.   

I'm not perfect, I have my flaws, trust me but why is it that my brother gets to have two daughters, a 20 year marriage, then turn around and have this fabulous new relationship, post divorce.  I'm not jealous, don't get me wrong.  I'm quite happy for him.  I just can't believe that here, I've not had any of this, ever, and it seems to be coming around a second time for him.  It's hard not to ask myself why. 

Then that d*mn voice starts in on me.  Well, you don't do this and you don't do that . . . you could be doing more of this and  more of that . . . stop feeling sorry for yourself.  The thing is, I know the voice is right but I still don't want to hear it.  Nor do I want to ring up a friend and cry on their shoulders because I know they'd say the same things.  "You could have X, Y and Z if you would just fill in the blanks, you know you could!" 

Do you ever wallow or do you also have an irritating inner voice?



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Sun, 10-07-2012 - 1:00pm

I went to meetup group walk at a local nature preserve I mentioned yesterday. I've gone out with this group about three times. They're a good group of people but again more miss than hit as far as meeting an 'eligible' guy. What I notice with this group is the guys are relatively attractive, 40-50's. But, seriously, look much younger. As far as the financially secure part, I haven't met one.  I think most guys who look younger than their age are generally speaking, more relaxed and fun-focusing so they don't make much money (at least appear not to on the surface).

The only meetup group I like going to where the attendees are almost all men are the IBD (invester business daily) group. Usually I'm the only woman there.  I don't go b/c of the men but b/c I dabble in the stock market and somewhat interested in learning more.  I think this group is a good place to meet financially-minded men but I don't go regularly enough.  Funny, the group leader, a very good looking middle age lawyer, has his picture posted with his girlfriend. I suppose the gf made him do so. Why would you post a picture with your gf for a business-oriented meetup group?

I'm surprised you don't get asked at the ballroom dancing classes. I went there one time with a gf. I got asked maybe three times. One was an instructor, the other one a friend of my gf, and the third one, I got introduced to him and I wanted to try a dance so I asked him.  I didn't dance so I didn't get asked but my gf who is a dancer got asked a lot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 5:14pm

You said something that struck a chord with me.. Its where men go?? I have a friend who told me to go antique phone shows because there are many men that go and no women.. Now I have no interest in this and I have no idea where they are but he also says we have to go where men go. He said if I walked into a phone show room everyone would be looking at me. Not because I was pretty or young or anything but because I would be the only woman there? (lol)...............

I kept saying I wanted to join up for golf every week but the truth is I cant afford it.. That is where men go and most of those stupid guru love books say the same thing.. We have to hang out or go where a man would go.. Golf, sports bar, investment group, phone show, car show, bowling league.. I still stick to my guns on this as I have been saying this forever..

If I were you I would keep going to the investment shows or groups and find more and new ones and keep trying that. Y ou might find a guy with the type of money you are looking for.. Hey; You never know..

Take Care

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 5:56pm

Well it's kind of hit or miss at ballroom dances--sometimes I feel like I should wear a sign saying "Hey, I'm actually a really good dancer."  lol  OF course like anything else, for men it's all about the looks--I went to the dance Sat. night and there were only 2 men there w/o a partner (plus the male teacher)--it was very disappointing.  Oh yeah, a 3rd man came in later--he always comes late, he makes a big deal of himself and he won't dance with anyone--why he even bothers to come, I don't know.  He's about 35 (and I"m 55) so it's not like I'm interested in him at all, but I would still dance with him cause he's good--he really plays favorites.  His latest favorite is ome woman who must be in her 40's (all her kids are in their 20's)--she is very cute & friendly & she's so sweet to everyone that I don't think she notices that the guy is rude to everyone else.  We were sitting at the table and I said "well, here is [the man} coming in now--watch, he'll go over & ask C [the woman] to dance" and that's exactly what he did--didn't ask anyone else.  The other guys will notice that there are more single women & at least try to take turns.  Plus they do a mixer where they form one line of women & one line of men and you just dance with the next person who comes up--even the married men will do that & sometimes their wives won't join in because they know the single women want to get the chance to dance.  Normally on Friday nights when I go, at least my friend Mike will be there & he'll dance several dances with me.  He's kind of a shy guy & I guess I don't imtimidate him.  But he wasn't there, so it was a disappointing night.

My friend who I had brought with me & I decided to leave early & then we went to a local disco which is definitely a pickup place--I didn't go expecting to meet any guys, I just wanted to dance--generally that is my attitude for dancing or going to clubs, to concentrate on the dancing, not getting a date--it's much less disappointing that way.  Anyway I didn't feel like waiting around to get asked to dance & since it was club music, you don't have to have a partner to dance, so my friend & I were just dancing ourselves.  So I saw this guy who was on the dance floor and was a good dancer & just kind of caught his eye & he started dancing with me--he was very good and so am I if I do say so myself so it was fun--but that was just one dance.  Oh well, it's better than sitting home by myself--at least I chatted w/ my friends.