Drama.....from beginning to end......

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Drama.....from beginning to end......
6
Mon, 07-15-2013 - 10:13am

Hi,

So I'm sure many of you will recall that there's a guy in my building......I went to a party in his apartment (yes, I did stay over.....in poor judgment but nothing really happened).  He had been calling and texting me incessantly for days afterward.  He is also Eastern European.

I went to my parents for a few days because I didn't feel comfortable with the persistence - I had heard that most of his family (cousins, brothers, etc.) live in the building and he is also good friends with the superintendent.  I came home after a few days (the super texted him right away when she saw my car).........I went to talk to him that night to break things off but he insisted that I was just scared, etc. and admitted that he had texted too much.  I decided to give it a chance......

So I have seen him a few times over the last week or two......I found that he was constantly wanting to know where I was (it doesn't help that I am not in the workforce at the moment).  I didn't want him to know about this, but when I decided to give it a go, I told him the truth, but asked him not to share it with everyone (I like my privacy and did not want the super knowing, etc.). 

He is generally a nice guy, but not very strong in terms of English speaking.......he said he's been here since he was two, but I can't see that.......he had a lot of family drama on the go as well (he has a son from his previous marriage) and his grandmother is here from Poland and basically has no caregiver.

I noticed a few times that he would mention things but they were always "played down" - e.g. that he'd gotten arrested for stealing a car, but someone was just "giving him a ride", or that he used to deal cocaine, but he never used it himself.......I did meet his sister (who lives in the next building) and the family is nice.  Unfortunately it seems that he has been a bit spoiled and looks at everything from his view......

Anyhow, I have been feeling a bit smothered.....he doesn't have a car (his licence is suspended he says, because his ex didn't pay the car insurance).......that story doesn't make sense to me.  He called me on Saturday and said we were going to the beach and taking "my car" (I have an older car), which I found quite rude.  He also mentioned that I come from a "wealthy family" (not true......my extended family is just very educated and most of them are very successful) and because I have "good credit" (I mentioned this once) that we could buy a house........

Ahh!!! So he told me he was 28........we actually had connected on FB and on Saturday I went on to send a message to another girl in the building to wish her Happy Birthday.  He was a mutual friend......I looked at his profile and he was born in 1987, making him 26 years old (!!!) - he had commented that he had looked at my age on FB a few days before.  I spoke to him that day and I asked him about it.  He said "Well, my ex wife is giving me a hard time and now YOU are too......what are you doing checking out my age on FB??".  He proceeded to tell me that when his dad brought him to the country he had to fudge their ages on their passports for some reason and that he had to go with the superintendent to the embassy here and pay $200 to get it straightened out.......

Hmmm!!! He later admitted that he was in fact born in 1987 but then he said age didn't matter........basically I told him - you lied to my face, that's it (I have a strong suspicion this is not the only thing he lied to me about). Had he come clean right away - okay - but he made up some other ridiculous story.....

He called me later and he said "Oh - I joke about my age, so what??" and again I told him it was over.  He then texted me and said "You leave me with no explain."  I was getting on my last nerve and texted him back, saying - you lied to my face, more than once - that's the explanation (there had been other small lies uncovered, and I had asked him in person about his age the day before I happened to see it on FB).

Sooo..........that is it.  I was afraid there might be repercussions with his family in the building but they have met me and know that I am a nice person.......unfortunately the brothers seem very nice......of course I picked the spoiled one who is a yahoo and thinks its okay to go around lying to people (I could expand on other behaviours but I won't).....

I guess I should have listened initially and not gotten involved in this situation.......I did enjoy seeing him the few times we did get together, but thinking of what may lie beneath frankly makes my skin crawl....... :(

Single forever!! lol.  I don't think I can deal with men (no offense to any men here on the board........)

Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Tue, 07-16-2013 - 8:21am

Hi Cfk.......

Actually, the thing about the $200 and having to go to the embassy was a total fabrication.  He could have just admitted - yes, I told you I was a little older - but instead he came up with that story about his age being changed when he emigrated to the country.  That's really what set alarm bells off......wondering what else had been similarly fabricated, and so absurdly.

He was texting me last night - first how was I, I was quiet, etc.......then that he was worried about me.  Later on (before bed) he was basically mad, saying that even "friends" talk and oh well - he is used to being hurt (this is his trump card, as apparently the "ex" hurt him).......what maddens me is that he doesn't take any responsibility.  I'm guessing that's why his marriage didn't work....

Hmm!!!

Mel

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 07-15-2013 - 3:32pm

The first thing I think of when told that someone is lying about a mere two years, is that they are trying to hide something whether that be a police record or a marriage license etc.  If he spent $200 to go have the discrepancy cleared up with immigration, why continue to lie then?  Something is foul and I would definitely steer clear of him.  Especially after all he's admitted to . . . not sure what's worse, being a virtual pimp or a drug dealer.  Yikes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Mon, 07-15-2013 - 12:22pm

Mel, I am sorry you had to go through this.  Always respect your gut on these things.  Saves you a lot of stress and pain.

As for finding a normal guy, even some of my male friends come right out and say that there are not many good men available.  While there are certainly crazy, unstable women out there, they definitely appear to be outnumbered by their male counterparts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Mon, 07-15-2013 - 12:13pm

Thanks guys.  I know I made the right decision, but being here alone......it kind of feels like I was the unreasonable one (which I'm sure he is telling everyone right now........).

I was also feeling kind of used in that once he heard that I had "good credit" he wanted to buy a house with me and use my car.  There was another (stupid) lie......he said he could drive standard (which my car is) but then his brother in law mentioned that he couldn't.  I asked him why he would lie about that and he said that his brother used to have an audi that was standard and he was going to get it back and teach him (???? - who sells a car then "gets it back" - ???).

Also, I found out that the night of the party his boss (who is married) gave him $50 to hook him up with a girl.  The boss ended up hooking up with another blonde girl in the building (I'm not sure what his deal was but they both lied and told her he was single).....I asked him......would you have done that to me?? I was also at the party.......seems very unethical.

I don't mean to generalize by race or culture......there are good and bad people in every race, but my brother was hooked up with a girl for a long time and her brothers were very much this way.  They wanted certain things, and would basically skirt the law or do anything to get it........

It was also kind of scary......on Saturday when I got mad at him I left the building and went out......there is an Eastern European lady they know who does the gardening and she was outside.  My phone didn't ring at all while I was out, but then when I came home (she was still outside, and came into the building right after me)......my phone started to ring immediately.

Phew.......I hope I don't see him around very much.......!! :)

Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 07-15-2013 - 11:44am

I am glad that you broke it off with him and hope that he won't give you any trouble.  I would be less worried that he lied about his age and more worried that he admitted that he was a drug dealer and the stuff about stealing a car.  If he was just an unknowing passenger where the driver was the one who stole the car, he migth have been arrested but unlikely he would have been convicted.  And if his ex didn't pay the car insurance and he didn't know & was driving a car with no insurance, that's also something that probably could have been straightened out once the insurance was paid.  These stories sound very suspicious to me.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 07-15-2013 - 11:37am

Either they come on too strong or not strong enough. And men wonder why we seem crazy sometimes!  Their behavior can be ridiculous!  You do seem to attract the crazies. I wouldn't respond to him at all anymore. He definitely has some shady stuff going on.