E-mail vs. phone
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E-mail vs. phone
| Wed, 01-04-2006 - 12:25pm |
Does anyone else get annoyed/frustrated with a guy who will only make dates by e-mail and never calls?
I feel like it's laziness/lack of effort on his part. Also, I think it would be nice for a guy to call just to chat once in awhile.
I guess I am really feeling like I want a man who makes an effort.
Am I being unfair?

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I know how you feel. It seems like the majority of the guys I've met in the past year preferred to communicate via email instead of by phone. I just went with it but it did annoy me. I assumed they just weren't comfortable on the phone as when I did call, they always seemed curt and very brief.
But yeah, I'd love to meet a guy that doesn't mind chatting on the phone a bit. That would be nice.
I'd be annoyed. I hardly ever expect a guy to chat on the phone but if he can't take 5 minutes to call, say "how are you?" and set up a date then I'd be annoyed. That's not to say that there are people that just hate the phone and are totally uncomfortable with it but come on, it's 5 minutes and 2 or 3 questions.
Now, if you've been dating a while and he wants to set stuff up in email, text or IM, I guess I understand that.
My view on communication and relationships is to communicate what I want. I do not expect others to know what I want or like, i.e. guess. I recognize we all come from different backgrounds, values and experiences. What is impersonal to someone may be something different to another.
I make a request (not a demand) and let them know how I feel about it and what is the underlying need. Ex. I would like you to phone me rather than email me because I feel more connected to you that way and it meets my need of being valued by you.
Mark
I'm like Jules in that I hate talking on the phone.
***My mom will call just to chat and I think I have my body trained to get the urge to pee after being on the phone with her for ten minutes because I get bored at about that time.***
I almost choked on my coffee when I read this. I have the exact same problem but I never thought of it as a subconscious defense mechanism because the only person I enjoy talking with is my sister and it happens when she calls too. But your theory makes sense. My mother calls me almost every day. She retired a year and a half ago and I worried that she would call me more but she actually calls a little less. Turns out that she was just trying to avoid work and has better things to do with her time now that she is retired. Good for her!
The worst is my father. Ugh. I see his number on my caller ID and I just let it go to voicemail. He's smart enough to have figured out that I use the answering machine at home to screen calls so he doesn't even bother calling me there. But he will leave me a VM at work and then call my cell phone and leave one there about 2 minutes later. And he does it several times per week. But I can't stand talking to him. I have nothing in common with him and he is the kind of person that will relate every boring detail of every thing he has done since our last conversation (i.e. "Your stepmom and I went to Border's on Friday night to hear this folk musician named So and So. I talked with So and So afer the show and it turns out that he lived 3 blocks from where your grandfather went to grammar school...." and so on and on and on).
I have an aunt I have the same reaction to. I don't call her unless I have a free hour in which I can clean the house while she talks. I'm convinced she just likes to hear herself and she can make a 30-minute monologue out of "how's the weather down there?"
The day I figured out how to leave her a voicemail without actually calling her was a good day! :-)
>>I make a request (not a demand) and let them know how I feel about it and what is the underlying need. Ex. I would like you to phone me rather than email me because I feel more connected to you that way and it meets my need of being valued by you.<<
In this instance, it is a guy I've gone out with only a few times. Once I am in an established relationship, I am much better about making that kind of request.
With this guy, it's frustrating because he says he'll call and then he sends an e-mail instead.
I guess my point to posting this is that I feel like "courtship" doesn't really happen anymore. We all (women included) seemed to take the easy or lazy approach to dating, rather than making an actual effort to show someone our interest. Technology is great and brings us together in some ways but, for me, it is very impersonal in dating.
If the relationship starts out through online dating, it makes sense to e-mail for a little while -- but, later, how can you truly connect with someone without hearing his/her voice and then - gasp - meeting in person?
AJ, enjoying life with C.
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