emotional attachment of guys after sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
emotional attachment of guys after sex
9
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 12:05pm
Have any of you ladies ever come across a guy that gets emotionally attached to you after you have slept with him? I'm curious about one night stands and/or FWB thing or even a relationship situation. I know this occurs with women a lot, but have you seen it from guys, as well???
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 12:13pm
I can't say that I have seen it in a guy, but I haven't had too many of these situations. I have seen guys get attached when I haven't had an interest in them after a couple of dates, and then I have to break it to them gently. But other than that, if a guy is in it for just one night, he usually stays that way.
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 12:26pm

Hah.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 12:42pm

I can honestly say I've only seen that happen once in my life and that was with my ex-boyfriend of 8 years. We were already in an exclusive relationship when we had sex for the first time and were in love only 2 months after.

I haven't had sex with another guy who has seemed to have any emotional attachment to me whatsoever. I've also had a friend with benefits for over 9 months and he never exhibited any emotional attachment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 12:44pm
Ya, I'm usually the only one that feels an emotional attachment. 9 out of 10, the guy does not and has the sex just for the fun of it. And walks away as if nothing ever happened.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 10:08am

I certainly have. I have only had one instance of a one night stand that involved sex but there have been a few times where I have fooled around with a guy and let him spend the night (not in years, granted). Then, in the morning, they want to be all mushy and have breakast and read the paper together. Nuh-uh. I just want them out of my house. If I wanted a relationship with a guy, I would not have been ANY degree of physically intimate with him the first time we met. So, I basically wanted the physcial contact with someone who I was attracted to and then I wanted them to leave. It was really annoying a couple of times. When I get up in the morning, I want to get coffee and go to the gym and start my day. I certainly do not want to lay around my house with someone I don't care about. So I have had to just honestly thank them for a good time and let them know that I wasn't interested in anything else and show them the door.

Sound cold? It is. But that's how I feel about one night stands which is part of the reason that I don't have them. It's also the reason that I almost never reply to threads here that start with a girl bemoaning the fact that a man she hooked up with the first time she met him is not calling her or acting like a boyfriend. I just don't see why anyone would have any kind of emotional expectations after an encounter like that. So, yes, men can get just as sappy and infatuated after sex as women can.

Avatar for filiasan
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 1:03am

"Have any of you ladies ever come across a guy that gets emotionally attached to you after you have slept with him? I'm curious about one night stands and/or FWB thing or even a relationship situation. I know this occurs with women a lot, but have you seen it from guys, as well???"

YES! I've had men become attached to me, after I've warned them that I'm not the type of woman who wants to make a strong commitment. One of them even told me that he had hoped to give me a ring. Though, this was months after I told him that I'm not into marriage. He got attached to quickly. I was smothered. But, I remained the same. I guess it's about the opposites attract me. As far as I'm concerned, "untameable" is the word.




Edited 4/6/2006 1:23 am ET by filiasan
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 11:19am

filiasan said, "As far as I'm concerned, "untameable" is the word."

I have to admit, I don't understand what 'untameable' means. I never completely understood why some women like the untameable guy. To me, untameable means disrespectful, inconsiderate, rude, and undependable. Maybe I'm wrong. Could you please explain what qualities in a man make him untameable and therefore, so attractive to you?

Avatar for filiasan
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 2:43pm

That's true in friendship and civility. As far as that goes, I'm relatively polite (once you get to know me, you'll see that I'm one of the nicer people). In love, it's more like not being able to tie down. I can't say unattainable, because--well--I am rather attainable. I just don't like to be tied to one thing. This is especially true since I've never been with a man I feel worthy of that kind of devotion. It's so hard to find good people these days. But the ones I date are well below average. Most of them don't have a place of their own. The last one I dated didn't even have his own vehicle (had to share his mom's). That puts stress on me, since I have ataxia. I have some disabilities and because of them, I have special needs. There are too many men around here than are self-efficient. I need someone that can support me. Another problem of mine is my persistent fear of being owned. This includes having babies. Babies give me hives. There must be some deep psychological scar, for that to be. But the truth is, my fearful and flighty nature will keep me "untameable".

But you are mistaken. I'm not attracted to untameable men. I don't tolerate such rudeness. I'm untameable, myself. I think that perhaps that untameable women are different from untameable men. We can still be nice individuals. The last guy I dated was a rude one. In the beginning, he talked about how he's too nice and easily taken advantage of. I learned later, by third parties, that he's was largely seen as "a mean weirdo". Those that knew him from high school would ask me why I'm dating him. Well, things aren't going well between us. He's choosing the avoid everything. But frankly...I don't care.




Edited 4/6/2006 2:46 pm ET by filiasan
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 6:50pm

Three times.