Find a Conversation
|Thu, 09-11-2003 - 11:42pm|
One book tells of three phases of a relationship. First the romance/lust phase where your partner’s qualities is so appealing, e.g. him being so in control or her being so emotionally open. Second is the phase where there is the struggle where the very qualities that appealed to you is now a source of friction, e.g. he is so controlling and she is so flighty. I think it takes someone who is self aware and owns their own baggage to get to the third phase where there is growth by both partners to accept, adapt, and adjust to/with each other and themselves.
I believe that intimate relationships are the only way to achieve personal, self growth and awareness. Buttons get pushed and knowing and owning my buttons (i.e. emotional baggage) is the way for this growth to happen. All but one relationship I have been in all ended in the blaming “you” word rather than having her own her stuff. “You are this and that” rather than “I feel this way when you do this” and “It is because of my issues with my father that I feel that I want to blame you for this or that.”
I continue to seek and be open to a woman who I can grow with. I plan to write another post on looking at the other's family-of-origin stuff in order to determine if she would be someone I would want to have a relationship with.