"The End of Courtship ? "

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2011
"The End of Courtship ? "
4
Mon, 01-14-2013 - 9:24am

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/13/fashion/the-end-of-courtship.html

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2012
Mon, 01-14-2013 - 2:18pm

It does seem dating is a lot different for the younger generation now than when I was in my 20s. I wouldn't say we had "courtship" but we definitely had dating, going to dinner, movies, just two, not a gaggle.

Interesting point in the article “It’s like online job applications, you can target many people simultaneously — it’s like darts on a dart board, eventually one will stick,” ...is that like "settling" ? One will eventually stick? How does one find their "soul mate" in this manner?

Maybe it is a matter of finding someone who wants to "date" the way you want to, whether it be in a group setting or in a more intimate setting.

Thanks for sharing that article, it was really interesting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Mon, 01-14-2013 - 9:30pm
I agree with the importance of finding someone who wants to date the way you want to. I'm a millennial too and after trying to adjust to "hanging out" being the new dating I said forget it. It doesn't work. I spent too much time sitting around wondering if he was really into me, ticked off that he refused to talk to me and would only text, putting up with his obnoxious friends on our dates, being texted to hang out at his place/go for drinks after 10pm, and being made to feel guilty when I made other plans because I got tired of waiting for him to ask me out or respond to my invitation to him. Hanging out isn't the new dating in my opinion. It's another excuse for commitment-phobes, those hunting for the supposed bigger better deal, and those who just want to get laid to string relationship-minded individuals along. Well they can all kick rocks I say. I actually just kicked a guy like this to the curb and I really hated to do so because we meshed well in so many other ways. I even tried to salvage things by explaining to him that I wasn't interested in "hanging out" or getting to know each other via text messages and explained what I was looking for. His response was to dismiss me and tell me I was overthinking things. Hmmm my wanting to plan our dates ahead of time and talk to you on the phone to get to know you is overthinking things? Goodbye lol. With my current whirl at dating I'm much happier standing my ground and not settling for this hang out business. Men call, men ask me out in advance, men respond in a timely manner to my invitations, men act like the want to see me and talk to me, men offer to pick me up, men make plans, and the only text messages they send are to say that they're running late or to ask if a certain time is good to call me. The other night I went out on a date with a guy who made reservations for dinner and had purchased advanced tickets to a show. Definitely my style and there will be another date.
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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 01-15-2013 - 10:50pm

  Ahhh good news for us who hate dating! 

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2012
Wed, 01-16-2013 - 12:37pm

Ladybookworm,

I agree with what you said. I think if you set expectations at the start then you will find the type of person you are looking for to date.

I have seen the "go for drinks at 10pm" thing. My oldest is in the dating game and she frequently meets up with friends after 10pm for drinks, they say nothing is happening before that.

Happily I am usually reading a book and getting ready for bed at that time.