Entering bf/gf stage?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Entering bf/gf stage?
6
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 10:48am

At what point does a relationship usually go from "seeing someone" to "boyfriend and girlfriend?"

I've been on 4 dates with this guy, entering 5th date this weekend, and am just wondering how this kind of thing usually goes. I was in a 4 year relationship and never really experienced dating before- so just curious as to what other people's experiences in the dating world are. Is there a point (ie: the 2 month mark) when you should ask where the relationship is going and ask for a definition?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 11:03am
I would say, it usually is around the two to three month mark, but really depends on the two people in the relationship. I have known people to go on one date and hit it off so well, they were immediately in a serious relationship. On the other hand, I have know friends to date guys for almost a year, but the guy did not want anything serious, so therefor, he did not consider them "girlfriend/boyfriend" status.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 11:45am

I'd say after two months, at least, but that varies for each situation.

I say two months because that's long enough for the "honeymoon phase" to wear off, and you have generally seen enough of the good *and* bad to decide if you want to pursue a committed relationship with the person.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 2:21pm

I was also in a long-term relationship that started out very easy so I had to learn when I got single again.

You have to discuss exclusivity and mutually agree before you officially become gf/bf, otherwise, one may start seeing other people without the other one knowing.

And I would say that it usually does not come up until you two have either been dating for quite awhile, ie. 3 months plus. There is always the fear of bringing up the subject too early which can make the guy flee if he is not ready, but it is hard to tell if it is too soon.

Not that I've been there since 2004, but that is what I hear from women who have actually had the talk.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 3:09pm

"You have to discuss exclusivity and mutually agree before you officially become gf/bf, otherwise, one may start seeing other people without the other one knowing."

That's interesting that you mention that. I guess this is what concerns me most- I was asked out on a date last week with another guy and said yes. The date was a dud, but I felt kind of weird going on a date with someone else when I'm casually seeing this other guy.

I've been advised not to tell the guy I'm going on the 5th date with about this other date- being told that it's none of his concern since we aren't exclusive. But I just feel so weird with this. In your opinion, is it wise to just keep other dates to myself unless he asks me out right if I'm seeing anyone else?

I don't want to screw things up with this guy, so I don't want to have the exclusivity talk until the 2-3 month mark (as you and other repliers, as well as my friends, have said) but I feel like I may screw things up if I accept other dates. But at the same time, I do enjoy this dating thing and am happy being single and exploring my options.

Gah, this being single thing can be complex!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 3:33pm

Believe me, this single stuff can be downright confusing. But I agree with your friend, until you are in an exclusive relationship, you are free to date whomever you want. And you only have to tell guy#1 that you are going out with a friend. He is also free to do the same. It may sound shady, but you have no obligation to him yet (and he has none to you), so it's not his business if you date others. It could also create an unnecessary conflict.

That is how it goes these days. And you'd be surprised how many women begin seeing a guy, date him for a long while, only to find out later, he was seeing someone else because the exclusity talk was never agreed upon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 3:52pm

I'm glad you posted about this. I am going through something similar with a guy who wants to be exclusive after one date. Sheesh. I'm not ready for that.

This thread just reaffirmed that I don't need to become exclusive until I am sure about the guy and ready for it.

AJ, enjoying life with C.