ever feel freakish
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ever feel freakish
| Tue, 03-14-2006 - 8:19pm |
because you're single? i've been feeling that way for the past year or so now. I'm 27 and was engaged once, been broken up with him for 2 and a half years. Most girls my age are in a race to get married, but not me. Yet i still feel pressure just because this is what all my peers are doing. I feel like peopel think something is wrong with me because i havent found the one. I dont know if i will ever find the one. at 27 i am feeling old and it seems like our society is obsessed with youth. I feel like i am too old and damaged goods for men these days! Seems like they all want a 23 year old. Sometimes i just wish things had worked out with my ex...i never thought being single would be so difficult. but i've realized the main part of it being difficult is how other people make me feel for it ): I'm tired of people asking if i'm dating anyone and i'm tired of not meeting any people who are single. i guess i am venting but i dont know anyone these days who is single...people i know are in RL's even if they are miserable because they say it's better than being alone...

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So, are you saying that you are content single? Or would you rather be in a relationship, and the questions or opinions of others about your singlehood just highlight that longing for you?
I think it makes a big difference where you're coming from on this. For me, I am very single right now (31 yo) and when people ask me why I'm not married, it just highlights my longing to be married and have kids. I get really tired, especially, of that "Oh-how-sad-for-you" look that comes from older women (50+) -- they tend to be the worst demographic in terms of marriage pressure for me.
However, I have learned to push back when people express their dismay at my singlehood. I say things like, "I am enjoying my life and my friends right now" or "I just haven't found the right one, but he's out there somewhere." It's good to show people that you can be healthy and strong as a single person, and there's no need for pity. Society might not catch up to that idea very quickly, but you can start believing it for yourself.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
You mentioned the demographic (50 and up) about women being "sad" for us single girls.
I can tell you this: I feel sad for a lot of THEM! Have you ever noticed the lives that they lead (or have led)? Never worked outside the home, have no education, little interests (except their kids or grandkids) and so forth. The way some of their husbands talk to them - like they're little kids!
I work in a hospital and see this kind of behavior every single day with the older folks. Being married is not all it's cracked up to be, especially considering the source here.
I think it is a difference in perspective from many people in that generation. My mom, for example, thinks that having children should be every woman's #1 dream and source of joy. It is a dream of mine, and I think I'll be a great mom, but I also want other things in my life. (Note: I will take motherhood very seriously, and won'e put my kids on the back burner -- I just believe in balance, and I believe that living a full life is a great example for children as well).
My mom has not been one of the ones who pity me or pressure me, especially lately. She knows how much I do want to be married and have kids, but that it's been a difficult road for me, so she lays off. I get this more from coworkers, parents of friends, etc.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
I'm with you on this. They just tilt their head and look at you like "awww, what's wrong with you that you're not married already?" It's a little irritating, to say the least.
Reminds me of this joke:
I hate going to weddings. Women there always look at me with pity and say "don't worry dear, you're next". Then, I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. Shuts 'em up pretty quick. :-)
Anyway, it's nice to not have a mom that pressures you on these things. My mom doesn't either. I know a woman in her 50's that amazes me. She will litterally tell me "you need to find someone and get your life going" and then say "marriage isn't all passion and fireworks... men are babies" all in the same breath. She's psycho though, so I don't put any stock in what she has to say. Still "get your life going" is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever had anyone say- as if my life is just paused right now while I wait for a husband.
>>Still "get your life going" is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever had anyone say- as if my life is just paused right now while I wait for a husband.<<
Totally - as if we haven't been living our lives all along! I feel like society still uses this as a standard to measure women's success. For men, it's all about their career and money. For us, it's how successful we are at relationships, or "snagging" the perfect catch. Even with celebrities, so much of the focus is on "who's she dating, is she pregnant, is she getting married?" Not, "Look at this great new movie she's doing."
Really aggravating.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Nope, and I don't really feel freakish for it either.
I am not going to discuss about whether being in a relationship or not is better....I am 26 and single and yes at times I feel old that I am missing out on something but then I see about all the things I am able to do will my free time and is drama free...
But one thing I am going to agree on is about guys my age going for younger girls...I mean all of my friends are anywhere from 29-32 and they are always going for girls that are 21-23 and I am like what the hell??? Am I pass my prime??? LOL I dont get it....
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