Every time I forget about him, he reappears

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Every time I forget about him, he reappears
14
Wed, 01-09-2013 - 7:40pm

I first met this guy G maybe around 1999 on OLD.  We went out a couple of times, it was ok, but he seemed to work a lot and then I met 2nd DH so I kind of forgot about him.  After I was married (so maybe around 2004 or so) G hired me to do some legal work for him, so he knew I was married at that time.  Another time, I remember he referred a friend for a divorce.  Didn't see him for years until about 2 yrs ago, after I was divorced--again he referred a friend to me for a divorce and I was also doing some legal work for him too--it was all over the phone/email so we never saw each other in person.  I suggested that maybe he could drop by some time to meet for lunch if he was around--we ended up having dinner together (he paid).  I thought we had a good time at dinner, very easy to have conversation--it seemed like he enjoyed it too.  He said he'd call me again for lunch--never happened.  I actually would be fine not dating him and just being friends and going out every once in a while for dinner or hang out.  He's a workaholic and I think it would be too hard to have a relationship w/ him, but I never got a chance to convey that message since we never met up again.  So a while later, I decide to go on EHarmony--guess who one of my first matches is!  I wrote him a little note like "isn't this funny?" because it'snot like you can pretend that you didn't see the person's picture or didn't recognize it--he didn't even write back.  I was mad and just figured ok, I'll never see him again, we won't be friends and I'll just forget about him totally.  I really hadn't thought much about him until today when he sends me an invitation to connect on Linkedin.  What?  So yes, I know it's a business site and not even as friendly or personal as Facebook so I am not thinking that he wants to be friends but he's obviously not avoiding me for life either.  Someday I expect to get a call from him to evict a tenant or to do another friend's divorce & he'll act like it's just normal to call me after a few years and it will be like we never went out to dinner or anything.

Now this guy is middle aged and never been married so there's probably a reason for that that he is avoiding relationships, yet if he's on OLD, he obviously wants to date.  I just wish I could get a guy like this and say "do you know how lucky you would be to have me?"  lol  I mean we obviously get along quite well, we're both Italian, so similar family backgrounds, he's a couple of years younger than me, he doesn't live too far away--he has money, always a plus--and I would put up with the fact that he is NOT GOOD LOOKING!  How many women does he think are going to get past that fact to get to know him on OLD and not be superficial?  I don't even remember now why I took a chance on him on OLD--maybe he didn't have a picture?  Oh well, what can you do?  His loss.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 01-10-2013 - 10:44pm

Hi;

Oh; It is nice having a guy as a friend because there isnt a whole lot of pressure to be together and its less work than a real relationship. With my guy friend N there is no attraction and we dont have much in common romantically but we do hang out and go out and have fun. It is kind of nice to atleast have that. We even talk on phone.. He is just not boyfriend material but he makes a good guy friend.

Me and N have made up the term surrogate boyfriend and gfriend. Someone who for now in this moment is taking the place of a real love interest...

I would think its very rare though to find this as people tend to either want all or nothing................

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Fri, 01-11-2013 - 9:28am

Hi Music,

I feel for you on this one - although you seem very confident in the attributes that you have to offer, you seem to be beating yourself up a bit that this guy (who should consider you a catch) seems uninterested, even on the level of friendship.

The best thing that I can say is don't take it personally......easy to do I know.......but it seems like the "rules" out there have changed so much in the last few years.  Both women and men seem to want different things and frankly (sorry in advance to the guys on this board) - single men do NOT want to seem to bother maintaining a friendship or a relationship.  He is probably on OLD thinking he will meet a supermodel or something.........

I think also the fact that you're a highly educated professional comes into play.......as he is also in your realm, so he seems that much more suitable.  I actually have a friend here in Toronto and he is a professional (senior) engineer......a woman who was a principal of a school was pursuing him but he felt that although she had a good income, she only wanted to hook up with him because he also was a professional with a good income (???) - I would be more wary of someone having a low income trying to hook up with a professional.....but obviously his take on things was different. 

Things have definitely changed.......I know when I talk to my dad or aunt periodically they ask if I have a boyfriend.......boyfriend (??) who really wants to be a boyfriend nowadays?? lol.  I don't mean ALL men, but definitely a lot of them want the "FWB" experience or just to fool around and call whenever they please.  As much as I would love a relationship, I don't see it happening right now......

I guess in short.......hang in there........it sounds like this guy has his own deal.......keep looking and I'm sure you will find someone who truly appreciates you.

Mel :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 01-11-2013 - 11:57am

I went out dancing last night & talked to & danced with a nice good looking guy--funny how I didn't think of G all night.  lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Fri, 01-11-2013 - 3:58pm
Great! You go girl!! :) lol

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