Ex boyfriend help needed!

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Ex boyfriend help needed!
8
Sat, 06-21-2003 - 12:47pm
Lately, I had been missing conversations with K. He's always a nice person to talk to- at least online. So when I needed travel advice, I asked him. He's good at that stuff.

Well, at the end of that conversation (I hadn't contacted him at all in quite awhile), he said "we should talk more often" and I really didn't have a problem with it. Except now, he keeps hinting at seeing me. Not romantically, but just as friends. He hasn't asked yet, but he did ask me what I was doing on the 4th of July, then later told me he was having a big party.

So the question is: If he asks, do I go?

I'm conflicted about it. He would be a good friend, but the man drove me a little crazy at times with his high school game playing antics. Could I tell him how I feel about that as a friend? I'm not sure. I want to be prepared with an answer if he asks b/c he can read the hesitation!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sat, 06-21-2003 - 6:36pm
I feel that men who are really interested in pursuing a woman, don't just hint around about wanting to see her - they come out and ask. If you feel he is confusing you and playing games w/you, I would have nothing more to do with him. Don't return his calls or emails. That should get him started thinking.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 06-21-2003 - 7:02pm
Maybe I should give some background. K is an ex boyfriend. He's a nice guy, just not the right one for me. I do care about him, but I know he and I will never be married, so I ended the relationship. He asked if we could be friends, and I was reluctant b/c I know that when I'm getting over someone, I can't see him. This was back in November.

I think his hints are a way to get a feel for how I'd respond to him actually asking me. If he really does want to see me, yes, he'll ask. But it won't be a date. It'll be just as friends. I just am not sure if I really want that or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-21-2003 - 10:26pm
you know how i feel about exes...
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-22-2003 - 1:06pm
If you aren't enthusiatic about seeing him as friends, then don't. You either need to accept him as he is (game playing antics and all) if you're going to be friends with him, or not. It's not like you telling him they bother you is going to change him. He is who he is.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-22-2003 - 5:29pm
I totally agree!

What you are really asking us is whether you should be friends or not...why not try it and see what happens? You are telling us you don't have enough ppl in your life to do things with...yet, you seem to not be interested in pursuing your chances? Maybe you are afraid of letting ppl in? You know this guy is a nice person...so why the hesitation, its just one party? Maybe you'll meet new friends from there...

Get out there!

Go.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 06-22-2003 - 5:56pm
I do want to be friends, and I know I need more friends. I'm just apprehensive b/c I've always felt like he was a bit "fake" with his happy-go-lucky attitude on life. No one can be positive all the time. When he was unhappy, he'd just pout, but wouldn't talk about it. It's stressful for me when people do that because I have a hard time seeing people upset. I want to help, but if he won't let me, I can't. He's also told me that he "used" to have a temper problem. I still see it, it's just masked. That scares me a little.

Maybe I should just wait and see if he asks. If he doesn't, then I don't have to worry about it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-23-2003 - 1:37pm
It just seems to me...that if are you that nervous about investing your time and energy into friendship...how difficult it must be to trust enough to invest in a serious r/ship?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 06-23-2003 - 3:03pm
I agree with Goroque and a few of the others. An ex is an Ex for a reason, even if you can't remember that reason anymore. He sounds like a very unpleasant person to be around; you state a lot of things that bother you about him, and various issues that have come between you two before. What makes you think these things have changed? From personal experience, and using some great unknown statistic, I've found that it takes men half as long as they were in a serious relationship to truly be over it; so, if you guys were together for 5 years, expect 2 1/2 years of BS until he really IS finished and over you, and will let you move on with your life w/o him as well.