Ex is engaged and I'm Freaking!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2006
Ex is engaged and I'm Freaking!
3
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 3:31pm

Hey guys,

I was wondering if any of you could give me some advice on how to get over an ex getting engaged to a new girlfriend. I dated this guy 1 1/2 years ago for about 6 months. He was a high school friend of my best friend from college (we'd been friends for a few years before he told me he'd always liked me). Since we have friends in common we run into each other every once in a while. Quick details about the break-up - he started acting aloof so I called him on it and he told me he thought we were in two different places at that time, that his job was so stressful and time-consuming he couldn't give me what I wanted and deserved and he was afraid if we stayed together we'd end up hating each other. In retrospect, I think he exaggerated a lot of stuff to save my feelings but when I think back to the things he did and said right up till we broke up I know he did care about me.

Anyway, turns out about 2 months after him and I broke up he started dating this girl he worked with (I myself have dated here and there but nothing serious). After 1 year of dating they're now engaged and I'm really freaking out. I realize it's better that we didn't stay together - he's a work-a-holic and can be very, very selfish and from what I hear basically expects this new girl to be his mother/waitress/cleaning lady. I recognize I would not be happy with a man who would expect me to give up my life to take care of his, as this girl has done, however, it breaks my heart when I think of them getting married. Which makes me mad at myself on top of being upset about them. Have any of you gone through this and what did you do to snap yourself out of it? My friends have been great in helping me through this but I'd love some advice from some neutral people.

Thanks.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 6:41pm

I think it's a matter of finding someone else to be interested in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 9:09am
I have been through this. In fact, I posted a few weeks ago about an ex that I was totally in love with getting married. Luckily for me, he decided not to tell me that he was married until we had been emailing for months, so it was easy not to feel bad about losing a lying cheat. But it still hurts no matter how you feel about that person. It's difficult to see someone get married and then think, "Why wasn't I good enough to marry?" But it will get better with time. I know that you said that you have friends in common but I would just try not to see him. If you know that he is going to be somewhere, just politely decline to go along. Not having contact with an ex makes moving on a whole lot easier.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 9:18am
It will take some time but you'll get past it. I think everything you're feeling is normal. Even though we know someone's not good for us, we still hate to imagine them with anyone else. I'd do everything I could to avoid being around him or the fiance- seeing them will only make it more difficult to move on.