Ex girlfriend that won't leave me alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Ex girlfriend that won't leave me alone
14
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 8:16am

I've been seperated from a women for over one year that will not leave me alone. I hear from her at least twice a week, and despite my requests that she leave me alone, I still hear from her. I can assure everyone that when I break up with someone, I make a clean break an never contact that person again. I ignore their emails, phone calls, and any other contact. I don't communicate anything back to her other than "Leave me alone."

In two hours yesterday she called me eight times to tell me she had wrecked her car and ask who could fix it.

What's interesting is that the more I ignore her or tell her to go away, the harder she tries to contact me.

I've even told her that I am in a new relationship with a women that I love and she won't leave me alone.

What she wants me to tell her is what she did to cause the break up of our relationship which I am not compelled to do. I know where any conversation will lead and do not want to go there. Plus I am committed to the women I am with and do not want to violate that.

I have shared all of this with the women I am with now and she has two ideas. The first is that she calls my ex and drives home the point. I am averse to this as she shouldn't clean up my dirty work. The second suggestion that she has is that I should contact her employer as she regularly sends me emails or calls me from work.

How do I finally get the message across to this women that I do not want to talk to her and that it is her responsibilty to get over her own issue?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 8:41am
Your girlfriend calling her is not going to help - it may just give her another person to stalk. I don't think that calling her work is an appropriate way to handle the situation either. Tell her to leave you alone or you will take legal action to prevent her from contacting you. Make your response to it as impersonal as possible. Involving your girlfriend or her work will not make it impersonal. Involving the law will.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 9:14am

The problem is that she hasn't really done anything that is considered threatening or harassing. I think she knows where the boundrys are.

I actually spoke to an Attorney about this six months ago who specializes in Criminal Law and he said there was nothing he could do legally.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 9:31am
Why don't you change your phone numbers? It may be a huge pain but sounds like it's worth it at this point. Then you wouldn't get calls and you could just delete emails or block them. You have to take a more aggressive approach in ignoring her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 9:51am
Just because you can't take action against her criminally, this doesn't mean that you could not threaten a civil suit - that's more what I had in mind.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 10:04am
Change the phones numbers and block her emails. That should take care of that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 10:34am

These are awesome ideas, but I can't change my phone numbers. It is not practical. Doing so would cost me a small fortune.

I have blocked her email however and I think she knows it.

FYI folks, I have already gotten two phone calls this morning.

Is this women mental or what? You all wouldn't believe the crazy stuff she leaves me on my voicemail.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 10:34am

You need to stop responding to her AT ALL, and take whatever action you can using technology to prevent here from reaching you. Block her emails and block her calls if you can. If you can't block her calls, then change your number.

ANY response is going to encourage her. Do not answer her calls, period.

No disrespect to your gf, but her "solutions" won't work. You need to do what you can to make it impossible for her to reach you, and to the extent you can't do that completely, ignore her calls. ONE answered call out of 100 will undo all the good not answering the other 99 does. She is obsessed, and she will see any answered call as enouragement.

And are you sure you can't file a harrassment complaint with your local police? I would sure call and ask them. That's different from pressing criminal charges.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 11:27am

I TOTALLY agree with northwestwanderer's response in saying you should completely ignore her and not respond to her attempts in contact in any way... I think this is your best bet because any time you respond back to her, even if it's just to say "leave me alone", you're giving her what she wants in a sense, and that is to have a chance at contact with you. That probably makes her think that you're actually listening to what she has to say so maybe she has some sort of chance. She's not hearing WHAT YOURE SAYING when you say "leave me alone", all she knows is you're still accepting her calls and emails, and that's all she NEEDS to hear at this point.

Stop replying completely and it may take some time, but you'll probably get the result you're looking for.

Jacki

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 11:55am
I'm really happy to hear that your no longer w/ her, she sounds really immature!! She is harrassing you, and legal action can be taken! save all voicemails and dont answer your phone. Dont bring your new gf into it it will only add fuel to her fire. The happier she thinks you are the more she'll try to mess that up. If you do talk to her just tell her how you have moved on and after a yr she should too!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 12:09pm

I am not sure where you live but here in Illinois that would be considered harrassment. While it might be a little embarrassing for you, you must consider going to your local police department with these voice mails. Even if they are non-threatening you can build a case by filing reports. You should bring in copies of your cell bill and highlight the incoming calls from her to clearly establish that she is constantly calling you. You should also save the voice mails as they will want to hear them. Talk to the police about this first but you might also consider sending a registered letter to her saying that you desire no further contact from her, wish her all the best but please stop phoning because you consider it harrassment. Use a gentle but firm approach in your letter so that it cannot be misconstrued that you are harrassing her. I am assuming you are totally "clean", not returning calls or leaving her voice mails, if so this should work well for you.

I had to do this with my ex-husband. He was always very careful about the kind of voice mail he left but it is clearly harrassment when you keep telling that person to leave you alone.

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