Ex Husband's Best Friend Still Calls Me

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Ex Husband's Best Friend Still Calls Me
2
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 11:31pm

I'm pretty sure I'm jumping to some false conclusions but I wanted to get feedback from other people. I have been divorced for a year. While I was married, my husband had a best friend he was very close with, and I also became close to his bf. In some ways the bf and I talked more on the phone than my ex talked with him. My ex was gone for 4 months before we got married (military) and his bf hung out with me all the time and helped me with things around the house. We became very close during this period but nothing physical ever happened between us. I was way too in love with my ex at the time to even think about going after the bf.

Anyway, fast forward to now. I'm divorced, the bf is now married with a small child and I live in a different state than the bf now. I figured after I told him about my divorce I'd never hear from him again since he was originally a friend of my ex. Well in the spring he called me one night when his wife was out of town. We just talked and that was that. I did go see him and his wife when I was back in town. Then they moved to another state. Well, today the bf calls me. His wife was right there. We talked a while.

I mean, this guy is married now with a kid and his wife knows he calls me sometimes. But part of me wonders if this guy feels something for me. I realize now he's the one I should have gone after instead of my ex. But I would nerver pursue him now since he's married. I always got the feeling when I was married and before he met his wife, he had feelings for me. His wife is a very odd person and not at all what I expected him to marry. She got pregnant and then they had to get married.

Any thoughts on all of this will be appreciated. I think since I'm single now part of me wishes the bf had feelings for me, but I really don't think this is the case. I think he's just calling like any friend would do.

Thanks in advance!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 9:44am

I think it's dangerous to even pursue this line of thinking. It doesn't really matter does it? You both are on different paths. What would knowing he was attracted to you get you, he's married with a child. They didn't HAVE to get married because she was pregnant, there are plenty of functioning families out there not married who do it. They CHOSE to get married.

His wife may be odd and you might not find her someone he would be with but it doesn't matter, it is what it is. They are married. Speculating on whether or not he is attracted to you, speculating on what would have happened if you had pursued him instead of your ex or what could happen if he weren't married is just not really healthy in my opinion. Because the truth is he IS married and this line of thought can really just open up a can of worms you don't need. Such as asking him if he ever thought of being with you when you were with your ex, therefore opening the door to him that YOU had thought of being with him, and then you start talking about it which my friend you've now walked yourself right into an emotional affair, and then who knows maybe he's not so committed to his "odd" wife afterall and he decides to risk it all to be with you and now a family has just been broken up because you were curious if he was attracted to you.

Good intentions I'm sure of never having an affair, but this is where they start. (By the way this is my disclaimer now, so you don't get all defensive, I know you aren't looking to hook up with him, I'm just saying pursuing this line of thought just leads nowhere especially if you pursue it with him because it starts nagging at you and you want to know the answer from the horses mouth kind of thing)

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 10:02am
Thank you so much for your reply! I agree with everything you wrote and needed to hear that! I have always tended to over analyze things and look way too much into things. And, yes, you're right, even if he was attracted to me, it doesn't matter. He's married and the last thing in the world I'd want to do is break up a family. He made his choice when he got married and that's the end of it.