an exciting life vs. the daily hastle

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
an exciting life vs. the daily hastle
11
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 3:17am

Hello. First off, I should let you all know I'm a guy, 27 y/o, but there's kind of something I need to know from women.

It seems like women nowadays are after guys who lead an "exciting" lifestyle. Just overhearing women out and about or looking on online personals, women are after guys who drive bikes, play in a band at cool, trendy bars, travel on a whim, party like rock stars and so forth.

The thing is, how can I meet someone when I can't reasonably live such a lifestyle. Believe me, I would love to, but how can I? I work 30-40 hours a week at a pharmacy pretty much out in the middle of nowhere, basically struggling to pay off student loans and trying to get my masters (haven't decided yet if I will/can go to grad school). I spend about 6-8 hours a day at work, I take evening courses and spend about 1 hour to an hour and a half everyday just driving between home, school and work.

I only get Saturdays off, and an occasional Sunday. I usually spend my weekends at my parents' place, helping my dad with the lawn and my mom with the garden and playing videogames with my teenage brother. Maybe once or twice a month I'll take the day off for myself and just drive over to Boston just to walk around, site-see, maybe check out a bar or two or see some live music. That's about the most excitement I have.

I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm complaining or self pitying, but the truth is, I'm just tired and frustrated because I've been working so hard for so long and haven't met anyone in a really long time, and it's really been starting to sink in and get to me recently. I can't go out to expensive clubs and bars, I can't collect bikes and guitars, but I'm trying my best to have whatever fun in the little free time I have while stilling living within my means as possible. What more can a woman expect from me? What more can women expect from men these days?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 2:41pm
I would appreciate any input. I just want to know, what do women mean when they say they want an "exciting" guy? What do women expect from men nowadays? What does an average, working guy have to do to be "excitiing"?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 3:32pm

I think you're over generalizing. There are plenty of women in your age group looking for a nice, stable guy who is over the party scene.


My question is, do you really have the time to put into dating and courting such a woman?


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 3:50pm

I understand that there are girls who would want that sort of thing however I think a lot of women are "wanting" it because that is what guys are doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 3:55pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 4:23pm

Hey zipang,


Your question to me is very interesting!! I'm 41 years old. I had my "nowadays" that you're referering to when I was in my early twenties,... OH YEA! I was out and about, party, party, party, wanting that drummer in the band, spur of the moment, excitement, everything was fun, fun, fun. When I was in my early 20's (and late teens) I knew I wasn't ready to settle down. There was too much I wanted to do for me, sow oats if you

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 2:54am

******There will be that girl, or girls out there that have had their fill of sowing their wild oats. How about when you see the girls in a crowd, look at the one girl that is sitting there quietly smiling with her arms possibly crossed in front of her, observing the crowd and not so much joining in with her other friends "dancing like a rock star" and slamming tequila shots!

What is funny to me about your post is, where are the guys my age that are NOT looking for that wild and exciting woman hooping it up being the life of the party?

Take Care!******

I wish it were that simple, but it just seems my lifestyle doesn't permit me to meet many women. Not at work, not even at school. I've had a profile on a dating site for a while but my profile doesn't seem to get much hits or comments. It seems like vast majority of women online gravitate to the few guys with profiles showing them skydiving and playing in a band and so forth.

On the rare occasion I do get to sit down and chat with a woman, I don't care if she's a nice, down to earth girl or a wild party girl. If she's sweet, kind and pretty, I'd be happy with her.

What frustrates me is what her expectations for me are. It seems that even quiet, book-wormish girls want wild and crazy dudes. Do you know how many well rounded, down to earth girls I've seen go for the bad boy and ONLY the bad boy?

It's just that on the rare occasion I do get to talk to a female face to face, and I tell her what I do (that I work at the Walgreen's off the highway, that I take pharmacy and chemistry courses at night and that I spend my weekends helping my parents with yard work) I see all the light and interest disappear from their face, the conversation just trails off and she decides to part ways with me. And all I can do afterwards is wonder "Jeez, what did you freakin’ expect from me? What more do you want?"

That's just it. What DO all you women want? What's a regular guy supposed to do? I can’t change who I am or what I do (at least not at this point in my life) but I’m starting to feel like my only choice is to lie about who I am and what I do.

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm rambling, but it's just that I've been in a bind for a really long time and I'm desperate to get out of it. My last relationship ended a year and a half ago, and since then, I haven't even so much as touched a woman. I've usually been too busy to notice, but like I said, the past few weeks/months, I've just started to realize it and it's starting to sink in and do it's damage.

Edited 10/11/2007 2:59 am ET by zipang




Edited 10/11/2007 3:05 am ET by zipang
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 9:28am

For me, the thing that would make me not interested in you is the fact that you spend all your weekends with your parents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 11:13am

>>I wish it were that simple, but it just seems my lifestyle doesn't permit me to meet many women.


Well me neither.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 1:12pm

I think you said what your barrier is, but you didn't realize it - You're busy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 2:19pm

Upon fully reading your second post (I didn't before, apparently), I have a few other notes to add.


>> What frustrates me is what her expectations for me are. It seems that even quiet, book-wormish girls want wild and crazy dudes. Do you know how many well rounded, down to earth girls I've seen go for the bad boy and ONLY the bad boy?


I can't stand when men say this.

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