Family drama

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Family drama
10
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 10:59pm

I've been "home" for the past week redoing a room for my mom's birthday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 9:21am

Shy,

I am sorry to hear about the family drama. As someone who comes from a family ridden with alcoholics, I completely understand. One of my aunts killed someone when she was driving drunk - at 11am. She was in jail and, during that time, I was hit by a drunk driver while I was crossing the street (I was in high school at the time). My parents made me go visit her in jail and I just flat out told her about what had happened and that I had nearly been killed. She cried when I told her but I knew that it didn't really penetrate. We all kept thinking that she needed to hit bottom before she could come back up. She has been out of jail for a decade now (she only got 4 years for killing that woman which makes me sick) and she seems to be staying at the botton, scraping it for all it's worth.

We tried interventions. She has been in rehab several times, jail numerous times, and has been completely cast out of the family. Nothing that we have done has seemed to help her. Granted, she also used all kinds of drugs. She's just an all around train wreck. You would think that this would caution others and, to some extent, it does. My mother and her two sisters don't drink at all. But my uncle is a high functioning alcoholic. He's retiring at the end of August and I really worry that his drinking will get worse once he does not have to show up for work. He lost his license because of DUIs and will likely sit around his apartment getting drunk all day.

My cousin is a wreck over all of this. It's really difficult to look at the people you love and see not only how they ruin their own lives but also the lives of the people around them. I have given up trying to help or change the drunks in my family but I am working to get my cousin to move into the city near me. Then she won't have to act as his chauffeur any longer because he lost his license. I want her to escape the cycle of love, guilt and resentment. It's horrible for me to watch her go through this and I really want her to break away from it but it's tough to feel like you are abandining your parents.

OK - now my vent is over. Wasn't trying to take away from your story, just letting you know that I relate strongly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 12:08pm

Shy --

I'm sorry to hear about the family drama. I'm glad that you live on your own and can escape it most of the time, and I feel bad for your sister who has to live in it all the time. It's good that she has you to talk to!

As for scaring off the guy -- he'll be dating you, not your family. Nobody has a perfect family, and hopefully he'll realize that your stepdad is no reflection on you. I'm sure he'll call again. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 12:44pm

I also relate strongly. Now its come to head where my parents and siblings and I will NOT be going "home" to our grandparents for Christmas. Faaantastic. And thats still 6 months away...

Sigh...

Believe me, I relate.

I saw this saying that made me laugh "Friends are God's Way of Making Up For Family"

Photobucket


Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 11:20pm

Thanks, Jules.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 11:21pm

Thanks, TG.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 11:28pm

Thanks, Ruby.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
In reply to: cl_shywon
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 11:06am

It's not just your family. My Grandpa McGee used to get plastered everyday and drive home. Everyday. It is amazing that he never killed anyone, but the drinking got to be too much for him to handle and committed suicide couple of years ago. Sometimes people have problems outside of drinking that they can't handle. They drink to cover up those issues, as it makes them feel better temporarily and ends up being a cycle.

You're definitely not alone.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 11:17am

I'm sorry to hear about your grandpa.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
In reply to: cl_shywon
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 12:28pm

Well, it could be that she is just testing and trying alcohol more because she is young and she wants to experiment. I know that in my Irish/German (we like our bier) family, those of us who have seen what it does to you and the family have not let it over-take our lives, but learned how to still drink yet be safe and smart about it.

I would not let it worry you too much until you can see that it is affecting her life, i.e. judgements.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 10:43am
I'm late getting to this.