Family Hates That I'm Single.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2007
Family Hates That I'm Single.....
33
Thu, 12-06-2007 - 2:49am

Sorry if this is long, need to vent!


I ran into one of my aunts today while Christmas shopping. An aunt I haven't seen in at least 6 months. We made some small talk, and then the words "so do you have a boyfriend" came out of her mouth. Ahh yes, the dreaded question from any member of my family. And you know why? Because I can't go to a single family gathering without the "where's your boyfriend? don't you have a boyfriend?" questions. And then when I reply "he's not here because I don't have one," it's followed by looks of sheer horror, bewilderment, and disappointment. By every member of the extended family. Because I'm just shy of 25, unmarried, no children. The "this is unheard of, what's wrong with her" looks from them is getting really old. REALLY old.


I'm still young. And I'm the only one of all my cousins who didn't graduate high school, get married right away, and punch out a couple of kids just as quickly. Even the ones younger than me are "getting serious."


It's at the point where I don't even want to attend family gatherings anymore because I'm sick and tired of being asked that question, followed by the "we're never going to see a wedding for you, are we?" And then they cease speaking to me for the rest of the evening.


Seriously? That's all you care about? There's something "wrong" with me because I'm unmarried and without children at the age of

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Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 12-06-2007 - 6:10am

Well, I was married (as an old lady when I was 29) but now I'm divorced for many years. My family has given up on me. But they never really hassled me about it.

All of those stupid questions are really more about them than they are you (you know that of course). It does get annoying, but I suppose you have to take the attitude of "They know not what they do."

The best comeback I ever heard to the question "Why aren't you married?" is

"Beats me. Why aren't you skinny?"

;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Thu, 12-06-2007 - 8:32am

I have never dealt with this from my family. They all are very supportive of me and I'm thankful, I'm hard enough on myself, if I had to deal with listening to that kind of pressure at family functions I probably wouldn't go.


BUT my friend does at her family functions and they are completely rude about it. She has aunts, uncles, cousins, her parents all of them pressure her. "When are you going to get married?" "Are you ever going to have a boyfriend?" "You aren't getting any younger you know?" I cannot believe anyone has the gall to say that to someone. It's beyond rude and do people not understand the kind of pressure that they put on someone that is probably putting severe pressure on themselves to meet someone. It's ridiculous. My friend gets so depressed around the holidays due to this because she knows she's going to be slammed at every turn with these types of questions. She used to have a great comeback...her cousin never wanted to have children so she used to say "When x and x have kids" that used to shut up her aunt who desperately wanted grandkids but the daughter wanted to be childfree so whenever this particular aunt or uncle would start in on her with the nasty comments she'd shoot back as soon as x has kids and that would shut her right up to go lick her wounds. But then X accidentally got pregnant. DANG! Took away my friends thunder. LOL


I don't know, if that were me I'd stop going to family functions, I wouldn't put up with the abuse or I would have a complete meltdown at one of the events and tell everyone to shut the F up and that my social life and my relationships need to stop being a source of discussion because them constantly bringing it up and making a joke about it every holiday is rude and disrespectful to me and makes me not want to be aroudn them and if they can't respect me and stop asking I won't be coming back. But she keeps being abused.

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Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Thu, 12-06-2007 - 10:04am

Oh. my. God. I almost spit coffee all over the computer screen when I read this. This is something I would totally say! Thanks for making me laugh out loud. ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2007
Thu, 12-06-2007 - 6:31pm
Thanks very much for all your input (and your ears!)! I've actually already been thinking of what witty comebacks to use when I see them at Christmas! Maybe I'll just see how bad it'll be this time when I see them.... I'm lucky that my mom and dad aren't pushing me, that would make it even worse!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Fri, 12-07-2007 - 12:37am

Hello there. I too, am in a similar situation, you could say. Only I'm not entirely "single" I do have a boyfriend, but I am not looking to settle down any time soon. I get "when are you getting married" almost on a weekly basis from my co-workers. Its getting to the point I literally cant take it anymore. At least once a week this "topic" comes up. I too, am 24, and I do think there are other things to live for in life other than getting married and having kids right away. I never know what comeback to give. I've given "things are fine the way they are" or "none of your business" or even "I dont know" sadly, my "comebacks" backfire and then they think there's something wrong that I dont want to talk about it. It's so irritating. A girl in my office is 20 (20!!) and engaged and all she can talk about is getting married and popping out kids! I think, "you dont even pay a single bill, how can you raise a kid?" I dont know what to do anymore. Sometimes I want to snap "you know, I havent become engaged in the last 7 days since you asked me" Luckily, the only people that dont "pressure" me are my family (thank god) Sometimes I think it just seems like a big contest or competition. Most of my friends that are in their early to mid twenties all they can talk about is marriage and get jealous if another friend gets engaged first. All I can think is, "when did this become a competition?" Its not like I NEVER want to get married, I just dont right now. I am in the midst of finishing college and planning a trip to Europe, I have a dog to "raise", I still like to go out on Friday nights, sleep til noon, go shopping, etc.


Sorry, I cant really offer advice. I just dont know when the ripe ole age of 24 became "old". I still feel like a kid sometimes! Good luck to you

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Fri, 12-07-2007 - 4:12pm
Just say "I'm a lesbian.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2007
Sat, 12-08-2007 - 4:21am
That'd be hilarious! I can see the jaws dropping and the gossip starting already! If that wouldn't make the situation 10x worse (STRICT Christian conservative closed-minded people they are, mind you), I'd give it a shot.... sorry, gotta turn that idea down....but I appreciate the input :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2007
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 12:39pm

hi!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 6:24pm

 Z

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 12-11-2007 - 1:38am

From the book, Even God Is Single by Karen Salmansohn:

Married people are not necessarily better catches simply because they were caught. I mean, have you taken a look at some of the married people out there? Hitler got married. Frankenstein got married. Linda Tripp got married. Obviously married people are not superior people.

Meanwhile, look at some of our cool single role models:

Catwoman: single.
Buddha: single.
Aphrodite: single.
The Lone Ranger. Actually, all superheroes are single: Superman, Wonder Woman, Dudley Do-Right, etc.

Then there's The Ultimate Superhero -- God. Also single. And God is even a single-parent household.

It's easy to become married. 2.3 million people do it a year. If you want to pressure me to become something, hey, why not pick something a little more challenging? Like an astrophysicist.

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