Family Hates That I'm Single.....
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| Thu, 12-06-2007 - 2:49am |
Sorry if this is long, need to vent!
I ran into one of my aunts today while Christmas shopping. An aunt I haven't seen in at least 6 months. We made some small talk, and then the words "so do you have a boyfriend" came out of her mouth. Ahh yes, the dreaded question from any member of my family. And you know why? Because I can't go to a single family gathering without the "where's your boyfriend? don't you have a boyfriend?" questions. And then when I reply "he's not here because I don't have one," it's followed by looks of sheer horror, bewilderment, and disappointment. By every member of the extended family. Because I'm just shy of 25, unmarried, no children. The "this is unheard of, what's wrong with her" looks from them is getting really old. REALLY old.
I'm still young. And I'm the only one of all my cousins who didn't graduate high school, get married right away, and punch out a couple of kids just as quickly. Even the ones younger than me are "getting serious."
It's at the point where I don't even want to attend family gatherings anymore because I'm sick and tired of being asked that question, followed by the "we're never going to see a wedding for you, are we?" And then they cease speaking to me for the rest of the evening.
Seriously? That's all you care about? There's something "wrong" with me because I'm unmarried and without children at the age of

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Congratulations!
I havent had any family members ask me,
I agree that marriage is NOT an accomplishment.
Been there!
As you described in your original post, you made small talk first with your aunt then she trotted out the boyfriend question. Realize that this usually means, "I don't know what else to talk about." It happens all the time in chance meetings and at reunions: you've covered other family events, local and national events, weather, and now there's dead space. So the bf question comes. (Sometimes relatives fast-forward to this point if they have no social skills.) Your answer can be "I don't have a boyfriend right now." The "right now" is important. Whether you've dated in the last two months or the last 10 years is immaterial. It implies that you did, could, or might have been dating and helps deflect follow-up questions.
Then there's the "I'm still interviewing" response delivered with a wink that might help defray the questions. Because there WILL be questions. It sounds like your immediate family doesn't apply pressure or ask questions; enlist their help. They can offer benign anecdotes that might head off direct questions.
Overall, from most of my relatives, I've learned that this isn't a meanly-intended question, just a question that they don't realize can be uncomfortable (or asked 500 times before). Doesn't make it right -- it still happens and you're still the one in the hot seat. :)
Good luck for this holiday season!
i feel ya....MY family gets on me too and I'm only 21 lol but i think it rocks that your single, and your still soo young. You will meet someone before you know it , but until then please enjoy life, and do things for yourself and only you.
One of my favorite responses
Try being 39 and still not married, no kids!!!!! YES, YES, YES...I have had to contend with family pressure!!! More so than from friends!!! And now that I will be 40 in 2 months, I REALLY feel like the pressure and spotlight are on ME!!!!!!
My Mom and Aunts are relentlesssss..........it angers me to no end bc they think I am not happy bc I am single.....yes, I've had boyfriends...and 2 were very serious...they forget about those relationships..and all of the trials and ups/downs I've been through in both relationships....one of the guys's my MOM introduced me to from her church. We were very serious and talking about marriage (way tooo fast) but I fell for him very fast...and the last guy I was with for 6 years...so I decided to jump in bc it felt right......and then he got cold feet and ran. Looking back, it was part of the pressure my Mom put on me...and "the whole new can of worms" opened up...she was planning the wedding, had gifts for me on "hold"...YOU NAME IT......she was ready for her daughter to FINALLLY BE MARRRRIED.......it's almost like SHE feels like less of a person bc I am not married......strange psychology............she wants ME to have the "Norman Rockwell" wedding..family...kids.........that SHE wanted.....and that SHE always dreamed about.....I HAVE NEVER DREAMED ABOUT IT.................
I have also had to get pretty "curt" with my family bc I am not DYINGGG to be married....and really do not want kids (OMG).......I have a wonderful niece that I love and adore and shower with my love and affection...then I get to go home. =)
I just keep telling them now that they might as well get used to the idea of me being single......I am not looking.........I HATE dating or going out........I've done that for so many years......I am so content coming home to my dog and doing whatever I want that it's scary....and hard to imagine my life with someone.....
I am very well educated, have traveled the World...I was in the airline business for about 18 years....people find me very attractive (not to brag).....so they just cannot BELIEVE that I am single!!!!! (OMG)!!! It's like I have the plague or something!!!!!! Argghhhh- Arggghhhhh-Arggggghhhhhh
hey, you have gotten some great comebacks and suggestions (from mhash, pooh1972, and others I'm sure, but I haven't read all the responses yet)....I wanted to write and let you know that you are not alone.
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