Family Planning Worries

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Family Planning Worries
4
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 10:23am

So a group of girlfriends and I were talking about infertility issues if we wait too long to start having kids and what our alternatives will be. We're all in ages 26-32. SOme engaged but most single.

And honestly, it scares me quite a bit to think I may not make my window of opportunity to have a child. I definitely want a family and at least 3 kids. The problem; finding the husband and/or father of my future children. And more and more articles I read say don't look at celebrities having kids at 40 as a norm and that anything past 35 is pushing it and getting risky.

So while I'm 29 and everyone keeps telling me I have "plenty of time", truth is, I don't. I have a certain amount of years, around 6 really, to get on this and after that I may have to resort to alternative means ie. adoption or just getting pregnant by whatever guy I can find to have a biological baby. Or accept being childless. 6 years to me, isn't much time and considering how long I've been single (3 years) and how hard its been just to get into a relationship (no luck in 3 years time), I feel skeptical that I may find a suitable spouse in that time. And time, to me, is flying by faster than I can catch up with it.

So I'm trying to decide what will I do if I find myself still single and looking nearing 35 years old. Honestly, the idea of being a single mom doesn't appeal to me at all but I realize if I want a child, I may have to go it alone.

Any thoughts on this? Has anyone else been thinking these same things? Has anyone made any decisions at to what they'd do in this position?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 10:36am

I know exactly how you feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 12:14pm
I am in the same boat except I am 32. Luckily it seems like the women in my family are always having children late. My sister who is 38 is pregnant with her 3rd child so I am hoping this will be the same for me. Being the single mother is not my ideal either. I do feel there is always this pressure from society that as a woman, if you don't have kids you are less than a human being. Like you are not fulfilled as a woman unless you have them. I think is so unfair. If a man doesn't have children is he considered dry and shriveled up? I would like to have one child someday, but we will see if it will pan out. I do at times get very depressed about it, but the truth is that raising a child with the wrong person can be pretty bad as well. I would like to be able to have a caring and loving relationship before I have a child. It has been very difficult to find a man who wants a serious relationship with me, so I am back to square one. At my age they are already married or are dating girls in their 20s. I am about ready to give up, but thinking maybe that is the first step to where I want to go in life. No use in trying to speed things up that aren't in my control anyway. I can't control that I can't find a partner, I am doing the best that I can living my life as is. I am not going to go chase after someone who is not ready, who wants to party like he is still 21, and wants nothing serious or real in his life. I will worry about my self and the things I want and if someone comes along while I am living my busy life, then great. Even if I don't have kids, there are many great things out there for me.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 1:47pm

I'm giving myself until the age of 40 to decide whether or not I want to adopt, I'm 34. If I haven't adopted by then, I highly doubt I will. I want to be a fairly youthful mother. I know countless women have done it, but I'm not sure I can.

I have four nieces and have seen first hand how much energy it takes to keep their grades up, keep them entertained, happy, and well behaved. They are reaching their teens. One in particular is forever challenging me and I'm just her aunt. I can't imagine how she must speak to her mother. It takes a lot out of me and I'm still in my 30's. I can't imagine going through that in my 50's.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 2:09pm

I've almost always wanted kids (except for a brief time in my teens when kids annoyed me to no end and I would roll my eyes and say, "I am NEVER having kids!!!")...but the older I get, the more I start to think it wouldn't be the end of the world if I DIDN'T have them. I love the thought of being pregnant and feeling life inside me, holding an infant in my arms that I helped create, nurturing a life, and caring for it. But at the same time, I don't know if I'll ever be ready for getting up at all hours of the night and still having to work at 7:30 am, crying, tantrums, spit-up, vomit, potty-training, child-proofing, constant cleaning, smelly diapers, etc. In other words, sometimes I sit down and think, "Kids are a LOT of work!" And just seeing what one of my coworkers has gone through trying to put her two kids through college - that's a LOT of money!!! Then, the worries about teenage drinking, sex, unplanned pregnancies, drugs, school grades...oy vey!

So...if the right guy came along, would I have kids someday? Probably. But, at the same time, the older I get, the more I realize it's not all "awww, a baby!" as I thought of it when I was younger.



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