fatherof1 - his main activity is take care of his son

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
fatherof1 - his main activity is take care of his son
5
Tue, 11-19-2013 - 7:57pm

Do other women find this kind of overexaggerated declaration of devotion to his kid on an oline profile a turn-off?

Don't get me wrong. A man who takes care of his child is a wonderful man. I would want him to do this with me as well. My ex-bf has a son that he was very involved with in every way: raising, educating, providing for him. Never lacking anything. It wasn't a problem b/c his son was already grown when we met, mainly financial since he was in his last year of high school. My x-bf cont to help him financially through college. Now in med school still helping and we got together frequently for a meal together/went to important events/hosted parties for him and his friends. I realize this kind of involvement at this stage is much less than with an underage child but still.

But still, had he said that on his profile, I would find that offputting as well. When you're looking for a partner, you want the first impression to be that this person is going to put you high in his priority as well.  I don't know did this guy think it's cute when a woman reads this? How cute, he loves his kid....awww.. Do guys think like this when a woman writes this in her profile? Or did he think this would showcase him as a good man?

IMHO, if he wanted to advertise himself as a good man, he could try to cater to the audience, here a potential partner who would want to be with a loving man as it applies to her. It would be assumed he's a good man if he's also good to her.  No need to tell how crazy he is about his kid.

Just saying...

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I would think if the guy actually said that his "main activitiy" is to take care of his son, I'd be thinking that he has no time for dating so why bother?  Or maybe that he is really looking for a woman to help him take care of his kid.  My kids are grown (younges is 18) so I'm not interested in dating anyone who has young kids anyway.  Obviously if a man has children, you'd like to feel that they have a good relationship--if they didn't I'd wonder what happened, but I don't think it should be the focus of a dating profile.  I only mention my children casually in mine--basically to say they are grown.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

Run,run away fast.  No point tying yourself as second fiddle.   Never bother as most cannot break away and if they have daughters it's worse.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012

"Don't get me wrong. A man who takes care of his child is a wonderful man. I would want him to do this with me as well."  I don't think I've gotten you wrong but I don't think your asking this question out here is doing any more than asking for your endorsements of how insecure you are about sharing this man with his son.  AND WHAT THE HECK IN WRONG WITH THAT?  I THINK if you were a little more introspective, you would move on from this relationship and find one that is a better fit.  Please read this next comment as one that is genuine and from, as we all are, a flawed person.  Your moving out of this picture might also be the greatest thing that ever happened to this guy's son.  Had you ever thought of that angle?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010

I think it serves as a warning. That his kid is his first priority and that any woman he dates can expect that they will only see him when he doesn't have his kid. It might appeal to women who want very casual dating, who aren't looking for a serious relationship that requires a lot of their time and attention. I'm going to guess that the man has had problems in the past with women who wanted more so he wants to rule out those women from the start. I would appreciate his "full disclosure". I'm sure it weeds out a lot of women---like you and he didn't need to waste time on emails because you already know there is a major incompatibility.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006

Craig,

Well, then that guy and I are not compatible. If I want a man who's #1 priority is me the of course this wouldn't be the right man. No women want to know from the get-go that she's going to play second fiddle. That's just female psychology. My ex-bf once told me I loves his son (and his behavior all through the 22 years has shown clearly what a great dad he has been - though divorced) but if he had to choose he would choose to be with me. Of course that was just a theorical situation b/c I would never make him choose and fortunately his son didn't seem to be the type that would either. Realistically there didn't seem to be any occasion where that would have happened. I do well in life, so does his son so in that respect we were lucky. We also met when his son was already 18 yrs old. It would have been different had he been underage. Even my x-bf has mentioned how hard it was to date while his son was young. He had trouble too with a woman he dated many years ago who had a son the same age as his son.

Maybe as a man, when you see a woman with this kind of ad, you think it's sweet but as a woman I find that off-putting, like Paycema said, maybe he was clearly telling the world he's not dating seriously b/c he has other priorities. I don't want to date a man who already doesn't see me as a priority so why would I go for it?