Feel like I'm at the bottom of a well...
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| Sat, 06-30-2007 - 6:36pm |
and I can't get out.
My daughters father and I we're together off an on for 10 years. I think it's over this time at least it needs to be because it just doesnt and won't ever work.
I thought I was doing okay but realized today that I haven't dealt with it, I've been focusing my attention on another man that well let's just say He gave me all the signs that he liked me I gave him my phone number but he never called.... so now I'm realizing that my daughters father and I are through and I'm in a funk and I can't get out of it.
My daughter is gone for a month to visit my Mom and Sister and I really want to take this time to focus on myself and get my head back together. I want to get out and meet new people and start my life again, but I feel like everyone can see right through me. I almost feel like I'm nothing- no personality, you can see the hurt in me, everyone is talking about me/against me...just terrible.
For along time I've always said it was his fault that our relationship went bad, but I know it takes two to make it work. Is it wrong to ask him if there was somewhere that I went wrong, something I did or didn't do?
The few friends I have are married and I don't really want to bother them with this stuff because they think by the way I talk I have moved on.
I called him this morning on my way home from dropping our daughter off and told him that our daughter got off okay and then I asked him if he could call me later in the afternoon. I cried the whole way home, passing families in cars going on vacation, girldfriends and boyfriends and I just felt like those same people were looking at me thinking theres a single mother who can stop crying and has no life.
He called my house about 2:30 and I started to cry and he said "are you okay, are you sleeping?" I said "I'm sleeping" (although I was wide awake, just crying) and he said "I called because I told you I would call. I said "okay" and we hung up. I did'nt really know why I wanted him to call and when he did I did'nt know what to say.
It's like the Garth Brooks song.........What do you say when it's over, don't know if I should say anything at all. One day we're rolling in the clover, the next thing we take the fall.............
Can anyone give me some guidance as to where I can find self help stuff on line or some good stuff to read? I've been looking between crying spells but I just don't know where to start. I know the first step is to accept that it's over but that doesn't stop the hurt, help me figure out who I am, or give me a life again.

I think that the key is to let yourself grieve the end of the relationship for a bit.
Don't look at other people's lives and try to compare what you perceive as a happy existence to your own situation. Especially, in such a way that it makes you feel like a loser. I promise you that no ones life is perfect. Not even those happy couples or those married friends of yours.
When I fall into these ruts I try to counter my mood. I try to go out and do things that are invigorating. Most of the time, I am alone. I take a walk just before sunset, take a drive, go to the museum, go to a park and read. Sometimes just going and purchasing a new CD is great. It's amazing to me how music can lift my spirits.
The point is to get out and do something just for you, be selfish. As shy indicated, you deserve a grieving period, but make sure that there isn't anything else going on. If you find that you can't pull yourself up out of this well you speak of after a couple of months, you may want to talk to a professional. Depression is a scary thing when you are all alone. I'm speaking from experience.
New friends, a new beau, a great hobby, any distraction is all well and good but it's just a temporary fix if there is something else going on. Eventually, you are going to have to deal with whatever is making you unhappy.
Not implying that's what's going on in your case, however.
I feel a little bit better today.....
I understand what your saying about depression, it runs in my family and my sister is on Prozac. She has a great life, doesn't work, has her farm and horses, a great husband and she knows how great she has it but if she doesn't take medication she gets suicidal.
I tried to get back into some bible study last night, but again found myself overwhelmed at where to start so will head off to Church this morning and see what God has to say me.
I've always wanted to play the Harp and while they are kind of expensive, I think I will treat myself to one and learn how to play it. I believe my daughter would enjoy it as well.
It's just me and me for the next month. The dog went with my daughter too!
I guess I need to learn how to enjoy my own company.......
Have any of you read any good books about stuff like this - I mean figuring out who you are, self esteem stuff?
The thing with self-help books is that a lot of people who write them are not true experts.
I think ultimately ways to feeling good about yourself comes from a spiritual practice. In my experience, books talk about techniques and conscious ways of thinking to change. I believe that addresses the symptoms but not the source of what we want to change. The source comes from The Source IMHO. With that said, I am not sure if churches are equipped to teach you to do that either. I believe it is a very inward and self reflective process which lasts a lifetime.
I do read books for inspiration though. It helps me to read about other people's struggles, triumphs, and how they dealt with their own adversity.
Take care,
Mark
I agree strongly with Mark on an important point. The "books" are good for "perspective", to remind you that you are not alone, and in fact might even have it pretty good. (-: It helps the situation become less "big" and more manageable in your own mind and helps to remind you what is happening is "normal". It can add a lot of positive self talk and outlook. Nothing however is a magic bullet. (-: Like Mark said, one day at a time for a life time we have to always reflect and grow. (-:
I also agree with a previous post, if it slips from a depressing time and into depression, get assistance, don't try to carry the weight of the world alone. (-: