Feeling Bitter and Jealous
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| Thu, 06-07-2007 - 2:11pm |
I also posted on another board, but I felt like I needed to vent today.
I know that 31 is still young, etc. But, I've been feeling like such an old maid lately. I can't help feeling like my time is running out to find someone to settle down, marry and have a family with when I do not have any immediate prospects for that in the near future.
I guess it's just really on my mind today because one of the 20-something girls in my office just announced her surprise engagement today. I did congratulate her, but I just couldn't get as in a tizzy and excited as the other ladies did, and quite honestly, I just didn't want to hear all of the details. I think if would've been just too excruciatingly painful.
I just can't help but think sometimes that it would be better if I concentrated more on marriage and family in my 20s than other things (education, career, etc.) because now I really feel like I'm playing catch up and time is running out.
*sigh*

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Here's the thing, though.
>Hang in there. A few years down the road, don't be surprised if Miss Suprise Engagement is crying on your shoulder because her hubby is out with his buddies all the time.<
Not to mention if Miss Thang doesn't bother going to college because getting hitched is more important to her, how does she plan on supporting herself if/when she is divorced? ("When" is the more appropriate word to choose given the divorce rate among people who marry in their 20s.) If she did, great. If not, she may be in trouble later.
Women need to think about these things. Getting married is not the end all/be all of the world.
Yeah, don't feel bad. I'm almost 33 with not a prospect in sight. I know too, how difficult it is to hear ALL the details and excitement about an engagement. A few years ago I worked in an office with 2 engaged women and 2 engaged men, and 2 people expecting babies. It was all they could talk about...nothing else existed.
Also, 3 of my friends got married right out of college..at 25 or 26. I remember thinking "lucky them" at the time. Fast forward 9 years later, and each and every one of them is raising a child on their own...their marriages each lasted a little over ONE YEAR.
Look at the statistics...marriages later in life have a better chance of lasting, and many young girls get married for all the wrong reasons. It's the thing to do, their friends are doing it, they settle so they don't have to be alone. Things a lot of times look much better from a distance than up close.
>> guess it's just really on my mind today because one of the 20-something girls in my office just announced her surprise engagement today. <<
UGH - I've been there many times. It is frustrating to feel like it is happening for everyone else around you and not you.
I, too, sometimes think I should have made more of an effort in my 20s to date and find a great guy. I spent most of my 20s with one guy - and I did hope to marry him, but it didn't work out. So, here I am in my 30s, *really* single.
On the other hand, I think I am more sure of myself now. More sure of my needs, wants, beliefs, etc. I honestly think I will be more able to have a healthy relationship now that I'm older and have experienced life more.
Could the same be true for you?
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Ok, one guys input . . . I married at 26 and even thought I was “all grown up”. Fiery relationship, and knew nothing about some personality issues . . .(-:
Now, years latter I know I was a fool . . however I have a daughter that is 21 and a step daughter that is 28. This stuff means a lot to me. (Did I mention a son 19?) LOL
Let me ask you this . . how many times have you seen a “break up” or “devoice” where someone had to “find themselves”?
Think hard on that one kid . . . know yourself . . know what you are worth, capable of, and what you want to achieve . . .and find a partner who does as well . . .and will stand with you . . .it is well worth the wait. Mutual support is not a lost concept.
Edited 6/9/2007 12:24 am ET by rubyshoes03
Wow! I've gone through the same emotions. I am your age and at some point, I've thought maybe I should have concentrated more on relationship than other things. I guess my difference is that, I was in a relationship at that time and I thought I had it all. My younger sister is about to get married and I am dreading the whole family being there and me answering their questions as to why I am not married. It's sucks when you feel like life is passing you by, everybody is in love, married, in a relationship of some sort and somehow, you keep just coming to an empty apartment. Needless to say, don't feel too down. Hopefully you have some single friends you can hangout with and just relax. I've heard so many times that it's when you are not looking that's when you finds it so I guess that's my advise to you.
I hear you. I'm 40 now and have been feeling like you since my early 30's. The desire ebs and flows depending on what's going on at the time but overall, I've decided that my soul wants above all else at this time is to find its mate. It's gotten to the point where I don't ever look at romantic movies/books or anything that remind me of what I don't have. I hardly ever cry except when thinking about my mateless situation. There were times when I went to business functions and nearly cried b/c there were people there who were a couple or part of a couple. My brother is married and occasionally I get together with him and his wife. Their friends are married or in a RS and it makes me sad. When I see men I want, I don't even feel hopeful, instead I feel sad b/c I feel like they would never go for me. I don't want to hear about other women getting dates/bf/engaged/married. I feel like I have a lot to offer but I just haven't met anyone (I want) who appreciate what I have.
At this time I think more about finding love but at the same time, I won't give up my career for someone until he's proven himself worthy. Why? I believe life happens no matter what you do. My life has been happening all without a man. So any man who shows up at this 11th hour needs to understand that and accept me as I am. Never give up your life (career, hobbies, friends, family) for a man until he completely accepts you. The way I look at it. Who was there to listen to my woes when a man rejected me. Who was there to nurture me when I was stressed from school. Who was there to stressed through exams and deadlines. Me, my family, and friends. It would be different if a man has been with me through the hard times but now that I've done all this myself, no man is going to step in and just expects me to drop everything for him.
I'm not going to begrudge the girl her happiness or look down on her about college, not everyone is college material and I can't stand when people starting putting down an unsuspecting girl whom they know nothing about. Heck I got married at 20 and I went to college, TWICE actually and received two degrees so it never stopped me from getting married at 20.
But you can't compare your life to anyone elses. I would NEVER advise anyone to get married under the age of 25, having been there and done that in life you truly have too much growing to do as a person in those early 20's to in my opinion really grow as a couple, while I feel I truly would have continued to be fine as a wife, I was totally stifled as a person, I was conforming too much.
You are right where you should be. While I can understand feeling jealous because you want what she may want in life a boyfriend and marriage I think just take that negative energy and turn it into something positive, put out a better personal ad, join a new activity that you enjoy that you will meet more people.
There is always someone that feels the way you do, I was married at 20 and divorced at 27, you feel like you are playing catch up?? Try feeling like me?? I married my first boyfriend, I never dated at all, I'm playing catchup, there is always someone that thinks they have it worse than you, and I bet someone has it way worse than me, so comparing lives is a futile effort, changing it for the better so you get your desired result is much better.
***Cheerleader Pom Poms SHAKING!!!!****
Smile,
Deirdre
I totally agree!!!! I spent most of my 20's married. Now I realize that I am exactly the right person **I** am suppose to be. Does that make sense??? I have changed, I have grown, I have morphed into such a more confident and better individual that I am so glad that I never remarried right away because I don't know that the men I dated right after my divorce where very **YIKES** good choices.
Now I am making very good choices in the men I am dating which I think is why there are slim pickings.
Smile,
Deirdre
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