Feeling like a pariah
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|Tue, 09-11-2012 - 12:40pm|
I am just coming off a two-year hiatus from relationships. I've dated a little here and there, but for the most part I've sworn off committment in lieu of finding myself, as corny as that sounds. I had a really bad break up with my fiance in August, 2010. And so, on the 2-year anniversary of that break up I decided it was time to put myself back out there and search for Mr. Right. So, I'm rusty, but the one and only person I reached out to on Match reciprocated and we had our first date last Friday.
I posted a few days ago that he lied about his height (he said he was 6'3" on his profile...it's more like 5'10"). It's a little thing, but it represents something more. If he lied about this, what else has (or will) he lie about? So, the fact that I haven't heard from him is probably a good thing.
But I liked him....**really** liked him. We totally clicked, talked all night, held hands, etc...it went so well until it came time to say good night. As well as things went on the date, I expected at least a hug, but he didn't even walk me to my car. And when I said I had a good time, he didn't say anything. I ended up giving him a hug, but he angled away from me like I was repulsive or something.
For a while I thought I was just being girly and needy. Maybe his lukewarm goodbye was just him being a gentleman. After all, there was no explanation for the sudden change. So this is why I was surprised that he never followed through after the date. And then it hit me...we were at a wine bar in a downstairs room and at the end of the night we had to climb a tall, steep set of stone stairs. He motioned for me to go ahead of him. I am not slender, but not fat either. I carry all my weight in my butt and hips. It's easy for me to hide with the right clothes. But when I walked up the stairs in front of him my butt was practically in his face. Much harder to hide. (BTW, he gave me other signs that his type is Barbie...I have long blonde hair and pale skin...I guess I *almost* fit this mold. sigh)
So anyway, even though I know I'm better off without a self-absorbed judgmental liar in my life, this has reminded me of why I hate dating, online or otherwise. I'm so sick of these guys who expect perfection, like a woman is nothing but an accessory. If one doesn't work out, they move on without a thought. Is it too much to ask for a quick text that says "I had a great time, but I don't think we are a match. Good luck in your search." I hate playing this waiting game. Even though I don't want him to contact me at this point, it still stings to know I'm so easily forgotten
I so want to text or email him to give him a piece of my mind. But I know I would just be lashing out at every other guy who did this to me, which is totally pathetic. In the past I would just move on to the next profile, but I don't think I have the energy to keep dealing with this. Maybe I should just get myself a few more cats and accept the fact that I'm an undesireable social pariah :/
Does anyone else ever feel this way? How do you find the strength to keep going when it all seems so fruitless?
P.S. the truly pathetic thing about all of this is that there is still this little voice in my head that is telling me that he's waiting for me to contact him. Ugh. I need help