Feeling unloved

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Feeling unloved
13
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 9:38pm
Am I the only one who has days when you just feel like there isn't a soul in the world who cares? You try to reach out to people, only to be met with rejection, meanness, or just plain indifference.

When I was in college, I'd say about half of my days were like that. My circle of friends was led by a mean girl, and there were a few others who followed suit. If I wanted friends and a life, though, I had to hang out with them. Now it only hits me once or twice a month. I'll text a friend and get no response, or try to make plans and everyone is busy, or, like today, I'll realize that the only people I've spoken to in three days are cashiers. Everyone is out of town with their families or just busy.

I'm sure I'll be out of the funk tomorrow. I just hate it when it hits me and I realize I don't have someone I can call or see - like a boyfriend or husband - to help me through it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 10:34pm

Well, I never feel unloved because I love myself LOL.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 6:42am

I think everyone has those days. Not to downplay it, mind you. I used to take brush-offs so personally. I try to be a thoughtful, caring, present friend but not everyone is capable of such, for whatever reasons...I have to remind myself of that...plus, everyone has those days where they are unplugged from the universe, myself included. I think it's a healthy thing sometimes...

Cheers(with my coffee cup). Here's to an un-funky day!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 8:04am

I have felt the same, Shy. Had a weekend not long ago when I felt that

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 10:13am
I think too many women do lose themselves in a relationship or family. I only have one friend whose husband is okay with her spending time away from him and taking care of the kids while she is out. The rest of them are expected to spend every moment with their kids, even if the husband is out. It's annoying that these friends value their friendships so little, and value themselves so little as well. The one friend whose husband is okay with staying home with the kids has been married since she was 19 and I kinda feel like I have to "train" her in the social skills department. I also think her husband has a reason for wanting her out of the house.

I suppose I feel better today. It doesn't help that it's been raining for three days and won't stop until Friday. What a "springy" spring break!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 10:51am

Sorry that it's raining on your vacation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 4:15pm

Music, I do actually not want to go out with my married/paired-up g-friends. (Well, that could be fun too, though!) I just want to have a real conversation with them for once! Without their hubby or kids being there, with just a cup of coffee/meal, just talking and enjoying ourselves. Maybe a trip down memory lane with music, laughing until we almost fall off the sofa, watching a movie together... Whatever, just being two girls together having fun and chatting. Preferrably about varying themes, not just family matters (however, it is nice with some cute stories and such!) or the lack of it (me).

Nowadays, I feel lucky to receive just "scraps" of their time. Even half an hour´s lunch or a coffee with them makes me happy. I do not ask for half a day with them (although, I´d prefer that during the weekend sometimes), just a sign that they are still interested in keeping up our friendship.... As Shy says, my experience is that many women lose themselves in a way. Sometimes I cannot even see much of their old self in there... Of course things change drastically when kids come along and they are tired, but isn´t it healthy for everyone (also the relationship) to nourish friendships and occasionally enjoy the company of other people than family? If it hadn´t been for Facebook, I would hardly be in touch with any of my friends....

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 4:49pm
Exactly, Ruby! Heck, sometimes I'd just be happy with a text being returned. But just some time to know I'm still important to them is all I need. I used to regularly go out to dinner with a friend and her kids about once a week. I'm pretty sure they still have the same routine, I'm just not invited. And this particular friend has caved to her husband's pressure. I see glimpses of her old self. I know she needs time away from him. She just can't break away because he's forbidden her from hanging out with me alone. I have another friend who has always been married since I've known her. She caves to her husband as well. She's never really had girlfriends. Makes me sad for her. He has plenty of guy friends and she just hangs out with them or stays home with the kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 5:04pm

I'm single, but with a child I obviously have little free time to do my activities at night. So when you think about it, between going to the gym and various friends, I do "neglect" certain people.

If your married friends have other friends as well, they might have a certain number of hours to go out and they might be dividing them between all the friends and activities, that's why the frequency of encounters goes down, but it doesn't necessarily mean that the person loses herself in the relationship and motherhood. I think if a busy person finds time for you, it's because you're important to them, it's just impossible for them to do more.

Sometimes we think that people who are not in the same situation would find it boring being with us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 9:19pm
RubySat wrote:

Music, I do actually not want to go out with my married/paired-up g-friends. (Well, that could be fun too, though!) I just want to have a real conversation with them for once! Without their hubby or kids being there, with just a cup of coffee/meal, just talking and enjoying ourselves. Maybe a trip down memory lane with music, laughing until we almost fall off the sofa, watching a movie together... Whatever, just being two girls together having fun and chatting. Preferrably about varying themes, not just family matters (however, it is nice with some cute stories and such!) or the lack of it (me).

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 10:20pm
How do you think it'd go over if we said that, Music? "I love hearing about Johnny, but seriously.. There's other stuff going on in the world!" I find anyone who can only talk about one subject boring- whether that's kids, a husband, sports, or dating. I think the ones who go on about their husbands annoy me the most because they are either complaining or bragging.

I've read many studies that say a happy marriage includes time apart, and the kids are happier when their parents are happy. I wish more people took that to heart.

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