Feeling very rejected....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Feeling very rejected....
13
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 4:17am

I really like this guy I've been seeing around.


I think he only likes me as a friend, which kind of hurts because I like him as more than that.


I hate how I feel....I feel disappointed and hurt.


I used to have a very bad drug & alcohol problem, and I want

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 7:24am

I can't relate, because I've never felt that strongly over a man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 1:11pm

This is just my two cents worth, but have you thought about counseling? I'm not suggesting it to be mean or hateful, but it may be worth it as I'm concerned about you. I'm sure you like this guy a lot, but it's not worth cutting yourself over or slipping back into the drug/alcohol addiction.

There are some boards here on the village that may help you:

Alcohol & Substance Abuse: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhalcohol

Self - Injury: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhselfinjury

Depression Support: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhdepression

The members & CL's of the above mentioned boards are very nice & helpful ppl. You are more than welcome to check out those boards and see if they can help you further. I personally have not been in your position, but please don't go and cut yourself or start drinking again over this one guy. You've got so much more to live for. God Bless.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 6:48pm

I had a year in high school when I felt like that a lot, so I definitely can relate to those awful, overwhelming feelings.

I agree with the PP that counseling would be a great idea. A good counselor can give you some solid tools that will help you cope with these feelings and eventually head them off before they even start (or get out of control).

Support groups and AA are also a great choice if you are feeling tempted by substances as an escape. I think that's a good way to feel less alone in your feelings. Feeling like the "only one" makes all of our problems seem much bigger than they really are.

As for the guy, you already know that it's not worth your agony to worry about what he thinks/feels. I suspect that your feelings are much more about other issues, and only about the guy on the surface.


HUGS. I am sorry you're having a rough time, and I wish you well.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 11:06pm

I can relate to how you feel.

I really like a guy I keep seeing around. For a while there was that fun period where you're like does he like me? Does he not? I would run into him a lot at bars and other places in our neighborhood. It was always exciting to see if he'd be there, if he'd be alone, if he'd talk to me. We are in the same career field, and he's a little older and further along than me so he'd listen to my stories and give me advice, which I thought was really nice. I thought he might be kind of into me. To me, we seemed compatible. I'm not like a playmate or something, but I'm a relatively attractive person. He's cute but not so hot that he'd have ridiculously high expectations. It seemed like all the right ingredients were there.

But then I think maybe he figured out that I was into him, or maybe someone else said something. Anyway, he seemed to back away after that and he seemed less enthusiastic to see me, and didn't ask so many questions about work and stuff. Then last Friday I stopped by the neighborhood pub after work, where lots of the young people in our neighborhood hang out. He was there and we said hi, but then he just left without saying goodbye. And he wasn't with any friends or anything. That made me feel like he doesn't even like me as a friend, let alone as more than a friend. I mean, most people at least say goodbye to the people they know before leaving a place, right?

Anyway, on the way home I totally started crying. Even though this was basically just a crush and I didn't have all that much invested in it, those little rejections can really hurt, especially when you've had lots of them. Plus I just felt so lonely walking home alone in the dark and cold (don't worry, it's a pretty safe neighborhood), I couldn't help tearing up and just feeling so rejected. I guess I had built up some sort of fantasy of him offering me a ride, or walking with me, or something. I think actually I had built the whole thing up a lot -- thinking that we'd have so much in common because we're in the same job field, live in the same neighborhood, hang out at the same places, and know a lot of the same people. But that to me seemed relatively reasonable.

Anyway, I guess I'm rambling on, but I saw your post and I guess it was nice to know that someone else out there can still feel this much rejection over what was essentially a crush. I can even understand how you want to drink (trust me, when that guy left the bar without saying anything, I'm pretty sure I ordered a shot after that). But if you've actually gone through the whole addiction/sobriety thing, don't throw it away for some crush. I think the first time I felt this feeling, I was probably like 12 when the boy I liked didn't want to dance with me at a dance. The scenarios change but it still happens. We can't just melt down.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2008
Wed, 05-07-2008 - 9:55pm
Is
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Sat, 05-10-2008 - 9:11pm

Thanx for your reply.


Sorry to hear about your experience, but I feel better knowing I'm not alone. I always figure stuff like this just happens to me.


Even after all this time, I don't know for sure if I am an alcoholic- all I know is I got into a bunch of trouble and

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Sat, 05-10-2008 - 10:11pm

I replied to you before, but I forgot to say something.


I think you can relate to this, but I feel like I have an unhealthy obsession with this person- I mean, I think about him a lot.


I wish I didn't think about him so much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 1:54am

I'm pretty sure there isn't such a thing as a healthy obsession. I still think about this guy a lot too. When I catch myself doing it I have to remind myself that it's just daydreaming for my own amusement and I can't let those thoughts turn into actual expectations, since he's made it relatively clear he's not really into me.

I think the only cure for this type of situation is to meet someone new. I know that's easier said than done, but usually if a new guy comes along, either one with real potential or just a fling or a crush, it usually gets my mind of the previous one.

I've pretty much accepted that this guy is off the table, however since he was much more compatible for me than previous guys I've been into, I'm trying to keep my eyes out for guys like him. At least my taste/judgment seems to be improving. Just because he's the only guy around at the moment who seems right, he can't be the only good guy out there. And in your case, he's not either, and it can't be worth hurting yourself over.

And if I'm wrong, then maybe one day I'll be pleasantly surprised and he'll ask me out or something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 3:58pm

>>I think the only cure for this type of situation is to meet someone new. I know that's easier said than done, but usually if a new guy comes along, either one with real potential or just a fling or a crush, it usually gets my mind of the previous one. <<


I really believe that if "obsession" is involved, meeting someone new most certainly will not "cure" it. It's likely to just lead to a new obsession with a new guy.

I think the best "cure" is to really dig deep in yourself (on your own or with a counselor) to determine why you become so attached to unavailable men and/or feel the need to always have a crush.

To find happiness and love, I believe each person needs to love herself first and learn how to be happy alone -- that way, you can enter into a relationship with a healthy, stable footing.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 4:15pm
Sometimes with guys and dating I tend to feel those feelings of aggression and the crawling out of your skin feelings becase its a situation that you so badly want to control and it is really completely out of your control.

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