Feelings during the Holidays

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2004
Feelings during the Holidays
3
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 7:04pm

I love the holidays but as much as I try to be cheerful I keep feeling a sting in my heart. Its soo sad b/c I have not dated anyone since last summer. I was the one to break that relationship up and have regretted it ever since. Last Jan. I went to talk to him and saw that he moved on (he said he was with someone) and apparently pushed him into saying he didnt want me in his life in any way-not even friends. Ever since then I have felt such regret for what I did. I know I can not change the past and that if he wanted me he wouldn't have said those things but god I miss him. I haven't tried to date anyone but continuously feel lonely and pathetic that I can't seem to move on. These feelings have been getting worse as the days before Christmas are diminishing...Is anyone else stuck on past loves and can't seem to move forward? What do you do?

Debra

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 7:35pm

I've been there and well, i guess the only way to move on is with time. I find that taking up hobbies and being out there to make new friends and meet new people is a good distraction and helps to take focus off of feeling "lonely and pathetic."

I wish i knew some magical advice or cure, but I don't. I do know that I have gotten through a period like that and even though i do think about him often, he's not in my life and that's just that.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 10:02pm

When I start missing exes, I know it's just because I'm lonely and don't have anyone else to focus on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2005
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 3:23pm

Ugh. Unfortunately I am all too familiar with your post. I have had three serious boyfriends (each of whom I broke up with) and at some point in my life, I have missed each one of them so much that the pain was practically unbearable. With each one, I wondered whether I made a huge mistake and essentially ruined my life by breaking up.

But like another poster said, it is usually when I'm lonely and missing the emotional support that a boyfriend brings (each of my exes was very loving) that I have these feelings. I miss the love and affection that these guys provided me with at one time more than I miss them as people. When I find myself regreting a breakup, I try hard to remember what it was that lead us to break up. Things couldn't have been perfect or else we would still be together.

Odds are you broke up with your exe for a good reason. Between the holidays and the cold weather and being "out of the game" for awhile, it's very natural for you to feel lonely and to want to cling to the last good memories you had with a man. But the past is the past and unfortunately, if this guy has moved on, then you really have no choice but to move on as well. Even if you have to fake it, try to push yourself to go out in social scenes or try online dating. I'm sure you'll have to suffer through a lot of bad dates and some rejection but eventually you will meet the man that you were meant to be with. And this ex of yours will become a distant memory.

Good luck!!