finding it hard to date the older I get

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
finding it hard to date the older I get
7
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 4:31pm
Hi all,

I am a single 26 year old and I find the older I get the more seedy the dating scene is. I am a pretty attractive person, I don't ever dress provocatively but I do dress with style and it's like when I go on dates the men seem to want to be intimate very quickly. The nice men don't ask me out because I am intimidating and I don't know what to do.Does anyone have this problem and how do you deal with it? It's gotten so bad I get protective of myself and am always on guard whenever a guy takes interest in me that things don't flow naturally. It's like I have lost that natural sense of being carefree and fun on dates because of this. Any inspiring words would be great. Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 4:38pm
Can you define "seedy" first?

I've always thought of dating as a necessary evil--how else can you meet a potential mate if you don't date first?--but somehow "seedy" never entered the picture. Then again, over the past decade my "meet market" was through the personals, and though I met some ?ble types, never did characterize them as "seedy..."

Ash

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 6:07pm
Quit thinking of them as being in charge of what you give 'em....that'll go a long way to fixing your perception.

If you're always attracting the type you don't like...the common denominator is you and something about you needs to change.

There's no way that a classy, intelligent, well-dressed, professional 26 year old is intimidating to men her age or a little older - in the same status of life.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

Avatar for alicea825
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 10:05pm
I am a 25 year old single girl and am finding the same. I have been very activly dating since I was 14. I've had 3 very serious relationships, one of which ended about a year ago and I have had the hardest time dating. I've been set up or have met LOTS of guys, but they either want to move too quickly or don't want to move at all. In the beginning some of these guys I just wasn't attracted to and found myself comeparing them to my ex, but now that I'm ready, I'm finding it harder than ever to meet people. Maybe I, too, am being too guarded.

Oh well...just to let ya know, someone else if feeling the same.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 10:31pm

I think it's harder because our lives aren't focused on being social anymore once we actually enter "the real world."

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 3:39am
Thanks for the responses all. Alicea I totally feel what you are feeling. Lots of times these men arent up to par with what I would want and the ones who I do want are too busy going through girls after girl. I don't know if it is because I live in LA and it's full of excess or what but it gets frustrating. My last boyfriend was 32 and it didn't work out.Sometimes I think it's just me.The ones my age are into being wild and partying and it seems like they want style more than substance at times.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 3:16pm
Well, "you can't blame a guy for trying" - by my presence and body language I have always given the impression that I deserve to be treated like a lady. Most of the time, I am. The "nice" guys you are intimidating are nice only in the sense that they are passive, or insecure - who needs that? Make sure your body language projects confidence and self respect, avoid alcohol on a first date and if a man moves too fast make it clear from words and/or body language that that is not cool with you. Sometimes strange men try to grab or touch me if I am in a bar situation, which is rare - I become the ice queen. They get the message. I think being on guard at first - especially physically - is fine. I have never had a happy long term relationship with anyone who pressured me in any way for physical intimacy - so behavior like that, unless it stops quickly - is to me a sign that he is not interested in much more than sex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 1:44pm
Well, I'm 34 and dating doesn't get any easier at my age either!! But the main thing is to keep focused on what you want and don't ever settle!! I live in the midwest and sometimes if you aren't married by age 30 people here start thinking something is wrong with you! But the truth is, alot of people settle for whatever they can get at a young age because they are too afraid of being alone. Don't settle! But, I agree, sometimes I feel that men get intimidated by women who have self-confidence and a sense of themselves. I think that eventually, you will meet a guy who respects you for who you are and like you for your classy self.